Uhhh, Nutella has chocolate in it, so could potentially kill the definitely not fake dog.

Adverbs are always a giveaway.

@1: a fictional sheltie would need to eat an entire jar of Nutella (possibly two) and would still only have a bit of vomiting and diarrhea. There's not that much chocolate in Nutella.

Giveaway was that it was an apartment which he purportedly entered by the back door.

In the letter writer's defense, my back door opens on my living room.

On a serious note, I once had a guy tell me he wanted to the me down and force a dog to do this type of shit to me, upon which I immediately WTF'd and ran straight the fuck away from that.

Which begs me to ask the question, WHAT THE FUCK IS IT WITH MEN AND DOGS DOING THIS SHIT?!

I hope Dan will give us the DATE these reprint articles were originally published.

@7 (BG)
It's right above the postcard:
Originally published on September 27, 2007.

@3, yup. The whole "chocolate kills dogs" is way overstated. A friend's lab ate 2 pounds of dark chocolate. It was not pretty. Very much not pretty, as it came out both ends, all over the kitchen (thankfully, the rest of the house was blocked off). TWO pounds! Of DARK chocolate! And the dog was fine (although the clean-up was nasty).

So, no, a chocolate chip cookie nor a few spoonfuls of Nutella won't kill your dog. And probably won't have any noticeable effect at all.

@9: Well I'm glad to hear my girlfriend can comfortably switch her dog from peanut butter to Nutella, as I much prefer the taste when I arrive home for seconds.

@6: Same thing it is with women or non-binary people and dogs doing this shit? Your perception of who's into dogs may be biased by your selection of sex partners. (Mine definitely is, but then I'm not making the mistake of generalizing my personal experience; there's a similar misperception of the gender bias with respect to insistence on condom use - women resist using condoms at a fairly high rate, though still lower than that of men, and men actually report higher rates of condom use than women, see https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224499.2017.1376305?journalCode=hjsr20 and https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr105.pdf ).

2/10 ...demerits for even mentioning the gross atrocity that is Nutella.

@6

notalldogs

@8: THANK YOU! I really didn't notice!

Chocolate & dogs...
http://www.animalhealthfoundation.net/blog/2012/12/the-skinny-on-chocolate-is-it-actually-harmful-for-dogs/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIrr6ZqOKT3QIV0bjACh3TTQuwEAAYASAAEgKzRvD_BwE

Funny choices for when you’re recouperating Dan. A pedo yesterday and dogs licking pussy today. The thought of peanut butter or Nutella smeared all over myself is the first hurdle.

All that letter was missing was "It was a dark and stormy night....."

"I was dog-sitting my friend's dog, with only a t-shirt on, no panties...."
Oh, god, Help Me is back from the dead!! HTH strikes again.

Electric @6: We had a letter recently from a woman who felt guilty about having had sex with dogs. It was deemed real.
Turns out there was more than one incidence of this:
https://www.thestranger.com/slog/2018/03/23/25949641/savage-love-letter-of-the-day-i-let-my-dog-lick-my-crotch-can-i-still-go-to-heaven
https://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=15646

In both cases the fact that the woman was wracked with guilt was the factor that convinced us all that the letters were real, unlike this one. So we might ask: What is it with dogs? They're horny enough to fuck humans, it seems, and some humans are horny enough to return that interest.

I thought outside doors directly opening on living rooms only occurred in American sitcoms.

@6, 11, 20–definitely not just men and dogs. I once left an overnight bachelorette party and drove home two hours at 2am because I’d heard too many stories about the dog licking up the wet spot after sex, and then I couldn’t find a bed that wasn’t occupied by a woman-dog duo getting closer than I wanted to know about.

Fake letters should at least be better than that yawn-er.

Shetland sheepdogs are nice but the Shetland Isles is better.

Why's the fake scenario never the other way around, with the pervy hot young lady licking the dog? Way more fake degrading!

I bet if we made a venn diagram of people who think women can get off from a dog lapping at their vagina and people who think women can get off from inserting a tampon, we'd have a full circle.

@6 electric3moon: Eeesh! You were wise to run from that. I second it--what is WITH so many men's and dogs' sexual desires--or even to assume that a woman or canine wants it? Dog fucking is beyond sick. Jesus--no wonder I'm so much more a cat person. Felines have the intelligence to stick to their own species.