Maybe I'm just getting increasingly cynical in my impending decrepitude, but are there REALLY any as-yet undiscovered ways to cook and dress up ground cow-meat or deep-fry potatoes that haven't already been tried a million times? Or is the current chain-burger restaurant explosion around here just another in an endless string of attempts by national corporate franchises to target recent transplants and cash in on some vague regional nostalgia for something that on the whole is pretty much the same no matter where you go?

I mean, seriously, a burger by any other name would taste pretty much the same...

I have a feeling that Habit management will not be adding this review to the "press" part of their website. 'Come to Habit, get your period' isn't the type of brand promise that most hamburger shops want.

COMTE;

I can see you've never had a Parisian burger at Linda's

(and I can take a good guess you've never eaten at a Jollibee either!!)

@2:

Never underestimate the power of International Capitalism to turn even the most unsavory association into a mass-marketing campaign. When companies have no compunction against hawking opium-laced tonics for babies, or convincing medical practitioners to extol the virtues of inhaling incinerated tobacco products, what's a little menstrual discharge when it comes to shilling for a juicy meat-patty product? I can easily imagine some Madison Avenue account exec doing a PowerPoint presentation showing all the different ways they could turn that into a whole series of menses-related double-entendres.

@3:

From what I can tell, there doesn't seem to be anything special about these: a Linda's Parisian appears to be just a double cheese burger on a French roll with a ketchup-mustard-onion sauce; maybe the celery seed adds a little something, but again, not exactly unique. As for a Jollibee, well, I'm not sure if there's any significant difference between Filipino and traditional style mayonnaise, but the very idea of putting either atop a ground meat patty just sounds sacrilegious.

I assumed that this story would be the one where you met Humpty Hump.

@6 I should report myself for thinking that anyone who had their first period in 2009 would ever know who Humpty was.

@5: So I was right!!!

You've never had either!!

I've been going to the Habit since the 70s. I grew up a couple of miles from the original location in Goleta. It's still the only one I ever go to.

Doug,

Ever been to the South Coast Railroad Museum?

You mean the Goleta Depot? Yes, but only the outside.

What COMTE said.
You have no unfinished business at greasy burger joints, just walk away and don't look back.
I understand. I nursed nostalgia for fish & chips for 40 years.
But most of that food is basically indigestible, you are doing yourself no favors by yielding to the urge.

6

But wouldn't that be the Burger King bathroom?

Those fries are lookin' pretty suspect.

@12 I hear ya about the fish n' chips, I life-long love of mine (I even worked at Spud for 2 years in High School) but it's just kinda time to let it go.

...not to take anything away from the author. Junk food is all about nostalgia, something I celebrate to a fault.

@8:

I stand by my original assertion: a cheeseburger is a cheeseburger - Coke, Pespi, fries or chips notwithstanding - and I can't think of any combination of normal condiments, and in particular the ones listed on Linda's and Jullibee's own websites, that haven't been done at literally a thousand other burger joints elsewhere, more than a few of which I HAVE eaten at, although that probably isn't exactly something about which one should be bragging. That said, I'll take a juicy half-pound Spiffy Burger, a Tav Super Mother, a Small Frye's Bacon Cheeseburger, a Kalama Burger Bar Bacon Deluxe, or hell even a Pick-Quick Double-Cheese over your piddling SoCal tripe any day of the week.

This article needed more saxophone and less blood!

COMTE,

So you offer an opinion on something you have never experienced, and you get some fundamental details wrong (as the Philippines are in South East Asia and linda's is in the Bay Area) perhaps you should apply to faux news...

Having personally been through this I think mothers dread this day as much as daughters. We see that first day of “becoming a woman” looming on the horizon, from the day you are born. It’s one of life’s great mysteries: where will you be when flow comes to town? It’s a tragedy, an unwelcome surprise but also something you can’t really fight. Which is why, probably, your mom continued to ask the doctors when it might happen. It was her awkward way of preparing you both for the inevitable...the mystery date no one could predict. So her excitement was probably more like relief that that was over. The first day of your period no longer hanging out there somewhere on the horizon.

COMTE - Try Katsu Burger, where the beef patties are deep fried. Very unique - they have a curry burger and condiments you won't find elsewhere (three Seattle locations but I went to the original in Georgetown)

My dog started bleeding today, meaning she's coming into heat. It happened at home. Not at The Habit.

Anyone ever try Big Kahuna Burger? I hear they got some tasty burgers.

@22

Are you going to get her spayed, or are you planning to have her breed?

@24 - She's a yellow lab and will be bred. She's owned by Guide Dogs for the Blind and is one of the dogs in their breeding program. Go see "Pick of the Litter." Great movie.

@25

How cool, I bet she's a sweetheart!
You should give her a hamburger, but no fries. That way, some day she can write about getting hamburger the day she came of age.

Great story, kid.

@19:

The reference to Filipino mayo was based on the fact that Jollibee - a burger joint YOU claim to have frequented - is apparently famous for their use of this particular condiment.

If you don't even know one of the signature ingredients in a burger you claim you prefer, I don't think I'm going to worry too much over your opinion about my opinion...