Recent oldies: His wife says he can't jerk off, but it helps him focus! This guy is up to his eyeballs in covet—Is it time for a divorce? She's turned on when she forces her boyfriend to eat, but is she forcing him to eat too much? And, as always, last week's column and Savage Lovecast.

Experience music on the meadow! Final ZooTunes lineup announced!

First, jerking off:

I'm a female, a feminist, and a lesbian (which maybe makes my opinion on this useless) but "You can't do what you want to do alone with your body because it makes me uncomfortable" is the antithesis of feminist thinking. Your body is yours, LW, and you get to do whatever you want with it when you are alone. I would not bother to lie to this woman, I would say "I'm gonna masturbate privately whenever I want. It's none of your business. I won't discuss it with you further and if you don't like it, you can leave me."


I disagree with Dan's advice to lie. I'd say "whether or not a masturbate is up to me — not you. This isn't up for discussion." Or just not masturbate. Still, honesty is the best policy. What's more, since you've cheated on her, she already doubts your honesty — no point giving her more ammo.

For Too Young To Flail:

Dude. You know what you need to do. Get out. Your divorce will happen sooner or later, and sooner is SOOOO much easier and less painful for everyone involved than later. Do it, or live to regret not doing it. There are plenty of single women your age (even some moms) whose world extends beyond their boring little domiciles - women with careers, women who love traveling and adventure, women who stay up late, women who like to dance, women with fun kinks, women who make you laugh and have interesting things to say. Date a bunch of them, figure yourself out, and find someone cool who can be an alternative, more interesting female role model for your kids.

And for FAT:

WTF? Why not find a guy who's already overweight? A junk food rollercoaster of weight gain/loss does do real harm, so it's wrong.


Perhaps an acceptable compromise would be for FAT to take control of her boyfriend's diet, as Dan suggests (it sounds like that would play into both of their kinks), but instead of gaining and losing weight all the time, keep him on a balanced healthy diet and build more of a "scene" around any scheduled indulgences. Like, maybe every couple of weeks they'd watch feeder porn and he'd eat a cupcake or a burger in front of her, and then strip as she reads the calorie count and dirty talks about all that fat going to his thighs and belly, etc. Or something along these lines. More in the realm of weight gain roleplay than actual weight gain. Halfway into the "vore territory" ;)


Wanted to call you on a statement though it was likely just a casual misstatement. In answering FAT on 9/5 you say "The better care you take of yourself... the longer you'll live, of course." Unfortunately it's not that simple, because cancer and drunk drivers, etc.
"Of course" it IS entirely true that the better care you take of yourself the better your CHANCES of living longer. And I'm sure you know that since you also mention "risks" in the response. This might seem trivial, but we live in a society which tends to blame individuals for their diseases. (I'm sensitive to this as a person with a genetically caused, often life-shortening auto-immune chronic disease which I rarely mention anymore because people who know very little about it will aggressively suggest things I can do for it... ask me what my treatment entails... even claim it is curable... when of course I already do all I can since it is MY life at stake!) Parenthetically I would find it very difficult to be responsible for the health habits of another person as you suggest FAT do, but I guess that's the price of admission to a relationship with that dynamic. At least it's desirable for both partners in this case, unlike so many relationships with one pushy partner and one resentful one.

Regarding BONDAGE:

With your reply 100%. One other possibility: I used to have a habit of contacting people online, getting very turned on by thinking about all the fun we were going to have (especially if kink was involved), then realize (too late) that I was only really into the fantasy and didn't want to actually do it.

And regarding a recent Lovecast aside about my favorite indulgence...

And speaking of indulgences...

I love your show and have been listening since 2013. You are a true force for good and light in a world gone crazy. I ordered my ITMFA t-shirts, but they are back ordered and I won't have them for two weeks. Here's the way I came up with the express my political views until they arrive:


That looks fucking delicious! So sorry about the wait on the t-shirts, dear reader, we'll get them to you as quickly as we can. There's currently no wait for hats, bumper stickers, lapel pins and more at ImpeachTheMotherFuckerAlready.com — all proceeds go to the ALCU, Planned Parenthood, and the International Refugee Project. Get your ITMFA gear now!

Listen to my podcast, the Savage Lovecast, at www.savagelovecast.com.

Impeach the motherfucker already! Get your ITMFA buttons, t-shirts, hats and lapel pins and coffee mugs at www.ITMFA.org!

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