The carpool lane is for carpooling, you friendless twat.
The carpool lane is for carpooling, you friendless twat. asiseeit /Getty Images

Carpool lane cheaters, watch your back this week: If you’re a morally bankrupt HOV-lane liar, then you might want to self assess in general. If integrity isn’t important to you, maybe tickets are. This week, the Washington State Patrol is hitting the streets to catch you in the act. They’re deploying 14 motorcycle troopers specifically to catch carpool lane cheaters. The ticket is a $136 fine.

Pledge your vote for Tammy Morales for D2 for a Green New Deal for Seattle. Vote by Aug 6.

Stop illegally dumping at homeless encampments: Speaking of the morally bankrupt, the people truly lacking a moral compass are the ones who dump their shit at homeless encampments. Some people pull up to encampments, open up their hatchback and treat the place like a dump. And who gets blamed? The homeless. It’s a common occurrence. The Seattle City Council is considering making this illegal. Seattle Public Utilities is working on a way to catch dumpers.

Officer involved shooting at Spanaway Walmart: A man was shot and killed after a robbery at Walmart. It was right before 2 a.m., the man was allegedly armed, and he charged police. He was wearing camouflage. That didn’t protect him.

One more win and Seattle Storm will clinch victory: Our ladies are up 2-0 in a series against the more-inferior Washington (DC). The third — and potentially final — game will be on Wednesday. Here are some highlights for you:

The Seahawks lost: I had to watch football yesterday. I actually watched this Seahawks game. Well, part of it. I was mostly doing a crossword, but the game was on. You know how it is. Anyway, Seahawks fans are sad because men are consistently disappointing. This is why we should all just abandon the Hawks and become die-hard Storm fans. Who cares that this season may potentially have only one game left and football season has approximately one thousand more games left to be played? Football season is long and often fruitless. I finished the crossword, though!

This was a fun play:

But these are the Seahawks highlights we should be watching:

Enough sports, here’s the weather: I realize that I lied on Friday when I promised rain this weekend. But it rained a little bit, so I wasn’t really wrong, right? It seems like there’s a chance of rain today — 65 percent sound good to you folks?

Hurricane Florence is gonna suck for the southeast coastline: It’s currently in the Atlantic Ocean just gathering steam (disclaimer: figure of speech, not actually how hurricanes work), building power, as a category 2 storm. It’s expected to grow into a formidable storm sometime today. The governors of North Carolina, Virginia, and South Carolina have declared a state of emergency in preparation for Florence’s landfall.

Bargaining continues in three Western Washington districts: Teachers in Centralia, Tumwater, and Tacoma still haven’t reached an agreement with their districts for higher pay and more benefits. Support our teachers!

Miss America came to play this year: Miss Michigan wasn’t holding back any punches when she brought up the Flint water crisis in her intro last night.

#MeToo topples Les Moonves: The CBS executive has now been accused by 12 women of sexual misconduct. He has stepped down from the helm of CBS and will not receive severance pay until an internal investigation is conducted. However, people close to the matter say that a severance package for Moonves could amount to somewhere around $120 million. The first allegations came out against Moonves in July. Yesterday, the New Yorker released a report detailing six more allegations against Moonves.

Dallas cop arrested for shooting a black man in his own home: Amber Guyger, a white, four-year veteran of the Dallas Police Department, allegedly entered the wrong apartment in her building. She shot the man, an unarmed black man, inside. He died at the hospital. Guyger was arrested for manslaughter. Police are still investigating what the fuck went down.

John Legend becomes the first black man to receive the EGOT: With an Emmy win for his role in the televised musical Jesus Christ Superstar, Legend clinched the coveted award only 14 others have received. He has earned an Emmy, Grammy (well, nine of those), Oscar, and Tony Award. Legend, far more than just Chrissy Tiegen’s husband, is also the second youngest to achieve EGOT status. He did it fast, too — it took Legend 12 years after his first Grammy win for best new artist.

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And I say hey, what a wonderful kind of day

A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on

Tonight's best Seattle entertainment options include: An unrestrained pop concert with Florence + the Machine, St. Vincent, and Lizzo, cider-tasting opportunities at Washington Cider Week, and Strawberry Theatre Workshop's production of Prelude to a Kiss.

Some news: We're finally following through with our word over here. Starting this week, I will be passing the Slog AM torch to our new Slog AM intern. You'll love our new intern. Maybe. Or at least you'll love to hate our new intern. (Please don't do that). I don't want this to trigger any negative memories of when your parents told you they're getting a divorce or something like that. This transition will be smooth. I'll be holding your hands the whole way. Plus, I'm still here. In your hearts and also on Slog. But what's the difference, anyway? Okay thanks. Happy Monday.