Save yourself!
Save yourself! narvikk/ Getty Images

Seattle's perfect Storm: The Seattle Storm swept the WNBA finals in three games. Breanna Stewart was named MVP and dropped 30 points in last night’s clincher. This is the Storm’s third franchise championship. And yet the Mariners—zero franchise wins—have the audacity to ask us to pay their bills. The Storm are definitively our city’s most badass team.

Stewart is such a boss. Don't you think she knows it too?


If you want to show them some love, there will be a big celebration on Sunday:


Some of the foulest news of our time: We mentioned it in Slog PM yesterday, but none of you know Slog PM exists and the news is so atrocious that we've just gotta bring it up again. Remember the national outrage, not long ago, you know, about the thousands of children our country was locking up? Well, it turns out this shit is way worse now. According to the New York Times, in May of 2017 the number of imprisoned children was 2,400. This month, that number is up to 12,800. If you feel sick, good, you’re human, now we must act.

Maybe this irony will help ease the horror: Nope. It won't. Because that thing you just read? The thing about the 12,800 children who are in prison… you weren’t imagining that. That is real. Nothing can justify that, and in addition to our sins and failures to these innocent children, the New York Times is also reporting that the Trump administration is now planning to actually pay $20 million to Mexico to cover the costs of deporting up to 17,000 people. I shouldn’t have to explain why this is ironic; I’ll let Trump do what he does best and make a fool of himself:


Florence is weakening, but she is still strong… so strong: The National Weather Service says the hurricane is weakening to a Category 2 storm. She's still a bitch of a hurricane and will flatten your shit, so take precautions.


To be fair, we can’t prove that Pat Robertson’s magic isn’t the cause of the sudden weakening. In fact, it could be the only explanation… except, seven hours later they basically backtracked on the term weakening, realizing that with consideration of the technicalities, and the fact that there will still be the same catastrophic flooding, it probably wasn’t helping anyone to say it was “weakening.”


Washington’s most dominant team goes 14–0 against Trump: The Washington State Attorney General’s office announced last night a federal judge has ruled that the Department of Education improperly delayed Obama-era rules that protect students from predatory practices of higher-education institutions— i.e., for-profit colleges.

What we all want is to pay more for basic needs, duh: Washington State premiums are set to increase by 14 percent in 2018, reports Ryan Blethen from the Seattle Times. Insurance Commissioner Mike Kreidler says this is “good news for consumers.” Is it? Increasing premiums are cited, by Kreidler, to be caused by “underlying cost-drivers,” including things like rising costs of prescription drugs. It’s probably worth pointing out that last year both of our senators used total baloney reasoning to block a proposal that would have made importing prescription drugs from Canada easier.

The devil wears voice mail: The Teachers Education Association says that the Tacoma School District left voice mails on teachers' phones offering to pay extra money to any teacher who comes back to work on Thursday. I’m sure they think pitting teachers against each other will work, but how could this not backfire? There’s something odd about our society, in that we raise health-care premiums by double-digit numbers and we are told this is good news, but when teachers ask for a double-digit raise, we are told they are greedy.

Finally, a beard controversy worth talking about: Anyone who is in the loop by now knows that Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek grew a beard. I know what it feels like to have your facial hair scrutinized, so I won’t disparage the man. Things have gotten interesting now that Stephen Colbert has taken notice of Trebek’s facial growth.


It also makes me feel a whole hell of a lot better to know even the most illustrious and sexy of men (Trebek) is harangued over the same trivial things a lowly intern is. You know what, Trebek? I hope you win. Not because I want to see you keep your beard, but simply because there are people who don’t want to see it.

Korean artists resort to extreme measures—pizza-eating: Yes, apparently Korean musicians who want to get out of mandatory military service are publicly exploiting a loophole by gaining weight via the consumption of hamburgers and pizza. I don’t know, it seems to me like they are trading 22 months of service, with a small (but very real) chance of danger, in exchange for heart disease and clogged arteries. That being said, it is an interesting and beautiful form of protest, and it seems as though it might be working.

This morning’s news was depressing: Really. The country we live in has locked up 12,800 migrant children. This can’t be repeated enough. I also don’t believe that the good in the world makes up for the bad; they are totally independent functions.

With that said, you probably have a long day ahead of you, so I hope this picture of my abundantly cute cat can provide some sort of visual refuge for you, at least in the meantime. Her name is Gouda and she loves you:

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Tonight's best Seattle entertainment options include: The opening of upstart crow collective's all-female production of Shakespeare's Richard III, a live taping of KUOW's Week in Review podcast, and an evening with rising alt-R&B powerhouses Kali Uchis and Gabriel Garzón-Montano.