I wont fall asleep at your party like this guy.
Invite me to your party and I promise I won't fall asleep like this guy. Rawpixel/Getty Images

We're going into dark times: Seattle's winter omnicloud is creeping back; the midterm elections are bringing our nation's apoplectic rage to a head; and I, personally, can't stop thinking about how horrible this year's Emmys were. Shit's hit the fan, and, no matter which way you spin it, it's pretty bad. We need levity and friendliness, loud music and fat joints. We need parties. And so I think it's high time we bring back The Stranger's favorite house-party crashin' column: PARTY CRASHER.

The premise is simple: You throw a party, you invite me to it, and then we party. Later, I report on what happened on Slog—what people said, what people drank, how stoned the man in the unicorn costume crashed out on the couch was, etc.

We will consider all kinds of parties, but house parties are especially encouraged.

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Throwing a rager before your landlord turns your four-bedroom home into 36 aPodments? Email us an invite! Having a final goodbye to your apartment because your rent went up $200? Let me see it! Reuniting with some rich techies you met in an orgy tent at Burning Man? Let us join you! Want me to show up in drag? If you have enough weed there and it's after a gig at Kremwerk, I just might.

The worst we'll do is complain about your snack choices. The best we'll do is immortalize your party on America's Only Blog. In exchange for your hospitality, we'll bring some cheap gas station booze or a box of lightbulbs.

So, got a good party? Send me an invite: partycrasher@thestranger.com.