Goodnight, sweet prince.
Goodnight, sweet prince. jetcityimage/Getty Images

Amazon caves, offers employees an actual raise: After everyone got down on their knees to thank Amazon for the $15 minimum wage hike. Then it came out that Amazon would be cutting bonuses and stock options for its warehouse employees. In actuality, those workers would be making less than what they were before the minimum wage increase. Negative press ensued. Now, Amazon is offering bigger raises to longtime workers. Starting in November, workers will earn $1.25 more an hour and they’ll be able to get cash payouts when they meet certain milestones.

Wait, wait, wait, Seattle actually is good for bikes: There’s a lot of controversy on the matter. Critics say we don’t have enough protected bike lanes and that we’re too car-centric. But Bicycling magazine, the who’s who of the glossy bicycling magazine world, thinks Seattle is the bee’s knees because of our protected bike lanes and slow car speed limits. Hmm. Seattle ranked number one as the best city for biking. Oh, Bicycle magazine is also rock solid for our dock-less bike share. Aren’t we all, Bicycling magazine? Aren’t we all?

Sudden paralysis strikes five Washington children: The kids, all under 6, were hospitalized with sudden limb paralysis. Public health officials and neurologists are trying to determine whether this could be acute flaccid myelitis (AFM). AFM is a rare condition that affects the spinal cord. There’s no single cause for AFM. There’s also no single outcome. Some patients fully recover, some remain partially paralyzed their whole lives.

Washington’s Public Lands Commissioner bracing for wild-fiery future: Hilary Franz wants $55 million to combat wildfires. She is urging lawmakers to pull together the necessary funding that would add two helicopters, more training, more equipment, and add full-time firefighting positions, reports KING5.

Pierce County Councilwoman says ‘fuck you’ to her son during council meeting: Both Pam Roach and her son, Dan Roach, are on the council. Dan was running the meeting and “gaveled down” his mother, not letting her talk. This exchange ensued:

Some Beto O’Rourke for you: Ted Cruz is five points ahead of O’Rourke. Can Beto close the gap?

Hurricane Michael is not messing around: It made landfall today. It’s leaving carnage in its wake. Here’s a glimpse from St. George Island off the Florida Panhandle. Michael is on on his way to Georgia now.

The U.S.’s new weapons system is easy as pie to hack: A test of new systems found that the Pentagon is super vulnerable. I bet the Pentagon’s password is ‘Password.’ But yeah, the test found some glaring issues, weaknesses, and, in many cases, the military didn't know they were being hacked. I hope all our cyber enemies ran out of their free New York Times articles this month.

Challenge accepted? The weather today sucks because I was chilly in the morning and wore a sweater and now I’m a little bit too hot and there’s not a goddamn thing I can do about it! There. Easy. Gimme something else to put a negative spin on.

Sears files for bankruptcy: The 125-year-old brand, known only for being the sponsor of America’s favorite television show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (Ty Pennington, where have you gone?), is throwing in the towel. Sears and the Sears catalog just couldn’t compete with the World Wide Web. They haven’t turned a profit since 2010. First Toys ‘R’ Us, now this? Where will I buy an air conditioner? Which store will I wander through in order to get to the stores in the mall I actually care about?

Look at him go: George is the perfect name for an English bull dog. Let’s see that snot-nosed royal baby George (he’s what, 10-years-old now?) do this. Spoiler alert: He can’t. Make this bulldog the real royal baby.

Headline of the week: This one’s about Trump’s top political advisor. Stephen Miller's Third-Grade Teacher: He Was a “Loner" and Ate Glue