Reader Thoughts on Sugar Babies, Maple Syrup, Period Blood, and a Great New TV Show

Savage Love Letter of the Day: Reader Advice Round-up

Comments

1

Wanderlust: coming to Netflix October 19th

2

So I watched the Wanderlust trailer and though, ok, no idea who this is. So I looked her up. She was the psychic kid (Haley Joel Osment)'s mom in Sixth Sense opposite Bruce Willis! Wow, very different.

3

I'm not sure why men in seeking.com wanting to have sex makes sugar babies sex workers, any more than men on match.com wanting to have sex makes women on match.com sex workers.

I'm sure there are plenty of relationships that start on seeking.com that do constitute sex work, but if a woman is seeking out a partner who will pay her rent, isn't that basically the same as all the conservative women looking for a man to provide for them?

Seems like if being in seeking.com necessarily constitutes sex work, Southern Baptist churches are full of a lot of sex workers....

4

3: In the early 1970s, there was a group of sex workers who formed an organization called COYOTE, which stood for Call Off Your Old Tired Ethics, which made this exact point - that housewives every day traded sex for a home and food via marrying men who "provided for" them. It was and still is a great point.

5

Gee, how novel, polyamory portrayed as a middle-class white couple who want to open their relationship. Let me guess, he's straight, and she's straightish? Still though, I suppose awareness needs to be gradual. I'll add Wanderlust to my Netflix list. It can't be worse than You Me Her.

Biggie @3: Is match.com really nothing but women who are looking for sugar daddies? I was under the impression that it was for people with their own careers. There's nothing on their website that suggests the women are expected to become housewives when they meet their man. The difference between a sugar baby and a conservative stay-at-home mom would appear to be mutual attraction, plus the fact that the housewife is providing cleaning and child-raising services while the sugar baby is providing ONLY sex.

6

The sugar daddy / sugar baby relationship is transactional in nature. The daddy is providing money and the baby access to her body. Perhaps they are also doing things together, so that it’s more romantic relationship-like than a typical sex worker-client relationship, but it’s entirely predicated on a monetary exchange. Are there prospective sugar babies who don’t understand this arrangement? How do they think they are earning the money they are asking To receive? Whatever we may think about traditional gender roles in a 1950s household dynamic, more is being exchanged than money and sex.

It’s really perverse how a someone in their late 20s could be so irrational about their parent have a sex life under the circumstances described in that letter. This couple have had separate bedrooms over the course of forty percent of their marriage, from the time these women were pre-teens. What did she think was going on? Surely, the sister’s own sex life, or that of her friends, is active enough to understand that her mom pulled the plug on the marital sex life around age fifty, and dad might not be interested in going without sex for the last thirty years of his life.

7

Sublime @6: "to understand that her mom pulled the plug on the marital sex life around age fifty"

Sure, that's one way they could choose to see it, if blame and sexist stereotypes are their thing. They could also choose to see it as a mutual decision, an unfortunate side effect of menopause or another health condition, or none of their damn business. (Who says Mom is going without sex?)

8

@BiDanFan: Sorry, but that suggestion of events isn’t sexist and isn’t about assigning blame, any more than your description of an “unfortunate side effect of menopause.” You just hypothesize a concrete reason.

Just noticed your comment regarding my “getting Kavanaugh.” First, fuck off. I did not get Kavanaugh, and you have zero clue about me or US law if you think his elevation to the court is a victory for me. Second, you have some blind spots of your own around sexism, and while you want beat people over the head at perceived sexist comments, as in that column, you’re really resistant to anyone pointing out your own sexist views.

9

Of course Sugarbabys are sex workers. And there's nothing wrong with that. Months back I recall saying the same thing about sex surrogate therapists.

It's understandable that the social stigma and legal status of sex work make people want to define their work as "not sex work", but that's being part of that problem out of self-interest.

10

Sublime @8: My views aren't sexism, they're justifiable rage. I do admit to having been less than discriminate with my targets, which was unfair and I do apologise. Everyone loses under Kavanaugh, you're correct. But yes, it is sexist and blaming to assume that it was the wife who "pulled the plug" on sexual relations; that turn of phrase suggests a unilateral, unreasonable decision, when we have no idea how this couple came to have a companionate, open marriage. Using my example, which is an example rather than an assumption, Wife may have tried for years to be GGG through her pain before they mutually came to a decision that an open marriage would be preferable. Is that "pulling the plug"? I don't think so.

11

@3, people in a sugar baby / sugar daddy relationship understand that it's transactional, usually time-limited, and highly unlikely to lead to long-term coupledom. People who are dating - even those whom we might call gold diggers - typically don't expect to get a lot of financial benefit from it unless it turns into long-term coupledom. I agree that it's silly to think there's a big moral distinction between the two, but for practical purposes they are very different types of relationships.