God is very mad at us, according to a Stranger reader.
God is very mad at us, according to a Stranger reader. david5962/Getty Images

Specifically, God has big problems with Leilani Polk's fantastic piece, "A Straight Woman's Guide to Sex and Dating." If you haven't read it yet, you should. It's full of advice young women actually need in college but have a hard time finding elsewhere because of moralistic dudes who can't stop mansplaining Jesus. We've spent the last few hours howling about this in the office, so it only seems fair to share it with you.

The letter begins (sic throughout):

I got to school one day and found a copy of “the stranger” on my desk, so i opened it to see what it was and read some pieces that you wrote, and needless to say you and writers just like you, are deteriorating the minds of kids in college with this kind of trash. I cannot believe that you are so far gone as to actually think that aborting a child is no big deal, then to go on and encourage and equip kids to go out and experiment sexually. Have you lost your mind?

He goes on to say:

You are the reason that people cant get work, disobey all authority, and sit on the side walks addicted to drugs. Your writings are the reason that girls become prostitutes and disappear from functioning society. They pick up this trash and go out and “explore” and find themselves addicted and impregnated.

It's all one gigantic paragraph but no one wants to read that, so I'm breaking it up into chunks to make it easier to read (hope that's cool with you, God!).

And on top of that you encourage them to be “mature” and just go get an abortion. If having a child yourself hasn't convinced you enough that there is a God and he put you on this earth, i am so sorry for you. But don’t come here and just assume everyone is just like you because you, yes you, live in a christian nation. God’s name is on the blood money your making from these filthy demeaning articles, and God is your only hope at actually having anything for sure in your life because no doubt, NO DOUBT in my mind that up until this point you have probably searched every ally, experimented every stupid thing anyone has ever suggested for you to try, and you still end up asking yourself why, whats the point to this life; and I can tell you that without God there is no point.

Pretty sure he meant "alley" instead of "ally," and "you're" instead of "your," and "I" instead of "i," and "Christian" instead of "christian," but I also have no doubt, NO DOUBT, that the letter appears exactly as God wanted it to.

If you are all there is, in this whole universe your life will be just like a puff of smoke from the weed you regard so highly of, here today and gone tomorrow, completely meaningless. Gay, queer, Lesbian, sex before marriage, recreational drug use, abortions, and every other ridiculous belief you have of this sort is not normal, it is abnormal. What is normal is having a family, taking care of your family, being there for your family. All things you probably have never experienced for yourself. And if you had, and you still chose to write this garbage, then you have been lied to.

Leilani's response to the email internally? "I don’t think I could have written a better piece of hate mail if I tried."

Savage's response? "HEY, LEILANI — STEP OFF! TURNING GOOD GIRLS INTO HOOKERS AND GOOD BOYS INTO UNEMPLOYABLE DRUG ADDICTS IS MY GIG!"