Sorry, NRA, well have to keep these safely locked up and unloaded!
Sorry, NRA, we'll have to keep these safely locked up and unloaded! real444/Getty Images

Slog PM tonight is brought to you by Sudafed and this trash can of tissues: Sudafed is probably the Devil's drug. It's magic, pure magic. I owe it my life.
I can only hear half of what everyone is saying!! life is muffled and sad!
I can only hear half of what everyone is saying!! life is muffled and sad!

It pairs nicely with the water in my REI Nalgene water bottle. I like to drink water, hold it in my mouth, and then plop a pill in. Then I swallow. Then I do it again because the inside of my head feels like an inflated balloon that could pop at any moment but it… just… won't. So I take two Sudafed. Also because they come in packs of two so I think I'm supposed to. Look, it's a war zone in our offices. It's a petri dish of sniffles and coughs and we're all drowning. Lester brought the Spanish Flu back from Spain. I fought valiantly by hoping I wouldn't get sick and then, on Tuesday, when I said, "I hope I don't get sick," I felt a tickle in my throat. Lo and behold, come Thursday I was out for the count. Now, I'm operating at half mast and the trash can is not quite full of tissues but really how could my body produce any more snot? Also, I'm going to get ramen for dinner so that should clear this shit right up, right? RIGHT?

Suck on that, NRA: The National Rifle Association filed a lawsuit against Seattle for the city’s new gun storage law. A King County judge dismissed the suit. It’s hard to tell what this means in the grand scheme of things, and other gun safety measures passed in Edmonds and King County and the ballot Initiative 1639. The suit was thrown out for technical reasons because the law hadn’t gone into effect and the plaintiffs sucked “lacked standing.”

Fuck the Seattle Times:

Those fucking assholes on the editorial board endorsed Donald Trump Dino Rossi. (Yes, Nicole Brodeur, I know that most of the stories in Slog PM are from the Times.) It is unconscionable, in my opinion, to be the biggest publication in one of the most liberal cities in America and endorse a man who is anti-abortion, anti-immigrant, anti-gay, and pro-Donald Trump. Rich Smith has more. So much more. He's BOILING. Read it. Then don't listen to the Seattle Times and vote Kim Schrier.

My entire family told me to buy a lottery ticket today: The family group text was going off this morning about the lottery. The Mega Millions prize has hit $1 billion—maybe they ought to change the name? The next drawing is tonight at 8 p.m. PST. My aunt said she and her fellow teachers had gone in on a bunch of tickets. My brother said if one of the half dozen tickets he bought won that he’d invest in low carbon entrepreneurial ventures or “hookers and blow.” He was referencing this video.

Buoyant body found by Kitsap kayakers: A male body was floating along South Kitsap waters near Port Orchard. Two kayakers spotted it and called authorities. There was nothing that indicated criminal activity.

Gas leak shuts Pioneer Square down for three hours: The area had to be evacuated and crews worked to secure a natural gas line. Traffic was a mess!

A Trailblazer tear-jerker:

Piss-thirsty goats airlifted: Here, you can watch these urine-loving fiends airlifted away from the trailheads and that sweet, sweet nectar (by nectar, I mean human pee).

Man assaulted five women near Ravenna Park: All had been exercising. The man attacked and groped each woman, attempting to drag them back into the woods where he had set up a mattress. Each woman was able to escape. Assaults on solo runners happen a lot. One woman took to the internet to try to find a solution. Read Sara Bernard’s article in Crosscut about it.

GeekWire predicts that Amazon’s HQ2 announcement will happen soon: Amazon likes to make big announcements at the end of the fourth quarter, according to GeekWire. The buzz is building around where the next Amazon infiltration will occur. There are 20 candidates. Who will get Jeff’s rose? Most bets are on Northern Virginia.

Migrants reach Mexico: There were over 3,000 migrants trying to enter Mexico today. After trying to rush into Mexico, they organized into lines and waited as Mexican border control allowed small groups to apply for refugee status one at a time.

It’s a good time to be a Lakers fan: LeBron James made his Los Angeles Lakers debut last night. He tore it up.

Welcome to the dystopia: Please, enjoy your stay.

Police officers in the US have been charged with over 400 rapes in 9 years: This is bleak. Research from Bowling Green State University states that “police officers in the US were charged with forcible rape 405 times between 2005 and 2013. That's an average of 45 a year.” CNN tosses in the fact that “forcible fondling was more common, with 636 instances.”

Barcelona’s Sagrada Familia finally got a permit—after 130 years: Apparently the perpetually-under-construction Antoni Gaudí basilica has been building without a permit for over a century. The basilica has agreed to pay $41.5 million in back taxes.

Huge news: I don't want to alarm anyone, but King County Councilmember Rod Dembowski followed me back on Twitter. This is a big day for me.