This is not Pete. But it could be, right? Probably not. RIP Pete. Did I make this worse?
This is not Pete. But it could be, right? Probably not. RIP Pete. Did I make this worse? USO/Getty Images

Amazon fucks over at least 20 cities, but not Seattle this time: For nearly a year, Amazon has tickled our fancies, piqued our interest, and monopolized the news cycle with its drawn-out search for true love HQ2. The tech giant has been teasing cities across the nation about where it will center its next headquarters. A new leak (RIP to whoever violated that NDA) says that Amazon can’t decide where to put HQ2 and is going to settle in two different cities. So, I guess there’s no HQ2, there are just two new branches. This is supposedly to put less pressure on whichever city they settle in—you know, ‘cause of the housing and transportation burden Seattle is experiencing.

Renowned arsonist wants to change his name after prison release: Martin Shaw Pang lit his parents’ Chinatown International District warehouse on fire in 1995. The blaze resulted in the death of four firefighters. Pang was released from prison this year after serving 23 years. Now, he wants to legally change his name—citing "cultural, religious, and protective reasons"—to Mark Sun Lee.

King County has a new public defender: Anita Khandelwal has been running the department since July as the interim director of the King County Department of Public Defense. Today, she was confirmed in an 8-1 vote as the real, bonafide director. She was competing against two others for the position.

Oh no, Pete the Gorilla is dead: I didn’t know Pete. In fact, I hadn’t heard of Pete until two minutes ago, but I still feel qualified to eulogize him. Pete was a grandfather gorilla at the Woodland Park Zoo. Pete was 50. His death was sudden (today), marked by a loss of appetite and not much else. Pete lost his lifelong companion, Nina, three years ago.

Facebook has 3,000 Seattle workers: And counting! GeekWire reports that there are still hundreds of positions waiting to be filled. A lot of the growth has to do with Facebook’s new Redmond campus. But, the real question is, do any of these employees know how Facebook has violated Washington political ad disclosure laws?

More people pile on support for an I-5 lid: The idea to build in the 15 acres above the freeway’s air space is gaining momentum. The project would add more green space and affordable housing. Not only that, but the green infrastructure of lidding I-5 would aid in our current race against time and climate change. Last week, Councilmember Mike O’Brien signed on in support of the lid. He “joined Councilmembers Sally Bagshaw, Teresa Mosqueda, and Rob Johnson, as well as State Representatives Nicole Macri and Jamie Pedersen of the 43rd District,” according to The Urbanist.

Let’s keep up the good work, kids! We are—and I don’t use this term lightly—killin’ it, King County. I want to see that returned ballot number blow Jim Brunner’s damn socks off! Let’s do it!!! Sockless Jim!! Blue Wave! I am tired!


Scientists develop supercomputer that thinks like the human brain: Not exactly a reassuring sentence to read. But don’t worry. The supercomputer, though it’s a feat of human engineering, can barely muster a fraction of what the human brain does. However, the “Spiking Neural Network Architecture, or SpiNNaker,” has a million processors and 1,200 interconnected circuit boards. It operates like a human brain, according to NBC. Maybe one day it’ll think for itself.

Tesla has consistently denied its injured workers medical care: A new report finds that Tesla has a medical clinic on the factory floor designed to stifle emergency assistance. If it comes to it, the doctors will send workers to the hospital in a Lyft. Many workers are forced to work through their injuries. Why? To keep them off the books.

Good news or bad news? I want our alien overlords to vaporize our country at will. Or, coddle us with tea and cakes.


There may be a robocall reprieve on the horizon: Every time I get a call from a number that looks almost but not quite like my number I scream and curse the heavens and then cry and curse U.S. Federal Communications Commission Chairman Ajit Pai. But now, Pai has instructed major telephone providers to combat these scammy robocalls. A solution will come in 2019! Maybe!

Exclusive reminder: VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE. You have one day.