Comments

104

M?? Harriet - I suspect one could write her letter in a way that could draw in most of the sympathy to her corner.

You call to mind the conversation between Emma and Mr Knightley about Frank Churchill's not having visited his father yet. Emma ends up arguing against her own beliefs after Mr Knightley consistently maintains that Frank Churchill had the power, at three- or four-and-twenty, to see his father if he wished, especially as he'd been known recently to have been at Weymouth. Emma maintains the difficulties of managing the temper of the aunt on whom Frank depends, and that sometimes he can do more than at other times. Mr Knightley counters that a man can always do his duty, and that, if he said to his aunt, without subterfuge and finesse but in a becomingly open and manly manner, that he would sacrifice any point of pleasure for her, but that it was his duty to visit his father and that he would leave on the morrow, there would be no objection made to his going. "No," said Emma, laughing, "but perhaps there might be some made to his coming back again." They go back and forth about respect for doing right, bending little minds, and the early habits of dependence or independence, with Mr Knightley eventually asserting that Frank can only be amiable in French, "He may be very 'aimable', have very good manners, and be very agreeable; but he can have no English delicacy towards the feelings of other people - nothing really amiable about him."

105

For Lilith's sake. Why would an asexual person knowingly marry a sexual one? That's not fair to either party.

106

I don't advice lying and cheating, especially in a case like this where a family is at stake and the revelation of a betrayal like that would push her over the edge. He should tell her (not request) that he is going to seek sex outside of the marriage. He should tell her that she - a grown woman with the right to make decisions for herself- can decide how to respond to that. She might want to negotiate terms. She might want to seek divorce. But staying in a sexless marriage is not an option. This is the honest truth. She has to face that and decide what to do about it. Lying is cowardly and a betrayal on his part, and it enables her control issues - which might have sympathetic causes, but they are unskillful and perpetuate a damaging pattern for everyone.

107

@99. surfrat. Reading the letter again, I don't get a strong sense of her voice coming through. She loves him and an open marriage would be a deal-breaker. These are his words. Possibly she says little to him? Just clams up? Certainly, I thought she feared being alone more than having to confront her (a)sexuality, her wants and needs in life or the basic facts about her marriage.

108

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109

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