The rightwing is a nightmare. A cancer on democracy. Wholly amoral. This is true in every country of 20% to 25% of the population. I could go on, but I'll just again recommend the book I mentioned @88. Actually I can't bear to go on, doing so is bumming me out. (Trump and Pence behind bars will brighten my mood.)

I think Venn deserves a lot of credit. He is polite, respectful, thoughtful, articulate, and smart.

I don't mind disagreeing with people. Hell, everyone is so damn unique it's usually inevitable. But unlike some other people who make discussion painful for me, Venn doesn't. If the nature of the discussion is of quality and adult, I'm happy. I don't need to agree with someone on substance to like them.

@102 curious2:: I second it. Trump and Pence ad nauseum behind bars would brighten my mood, too. My the GOP enter mass extinction, and soon.

@99: Why? Have you run out of comments, sugarlips? LOL
@100 LavaGirl: Congrats on scoring the highly coveted HUnksy Award! May all the very best come your way soon this holiday season. re @99: Rainy does get amusing at times, doesn't he?

@104: Oh my. I did it again--this time the typo is quite a humorous one. I really should post only after hoisting a few. Lava--maybe you'd rather score a "Hunk-sky" Award? Your call.

Thanks Grizelda, I’ve had a stellar week for prized numbers.
I agree with you JibeHo, the majority of Republicans present as people with no empathy or much belief that all are equal. Their racism etc seems very deeply ingrained. It’s the lack of empathy for others which makes so many of them seem like aliens. Very damaged and humans.

Late to the party...

My sister married a racist sexist homophobic jackass (RSHJ) and he's as toxic a toxic human being as I know. When I'm being charitable, I describe my bother-in-law as an RSHJ who was one of those kids who was SO smart that his cognitive ability far outstripped his emotional development, and as a result of that he's grown up to be an extremely intelligent emotional cripple. Who is also a RSHJ.

At the family gatherings where my mother or I have no choice but to be around him, we set a hard and fast rule: no politics, no religion, no discussion of "social improvements," no exceptions. And we enforce in. That means no baiting, arguments, debates, talking points, NONE OF IT. If he can't have a conversation without one of those topics being front and centre, he can either listen quietly, ignore us quietly, or participate in the conversation topics at hand like a mature responsible adult. There's plenty to argue about without political talking points, starting with Dallas Cowboys and New Orleans Saints and winding up on Backyard Chickens: Yea or Nay?

If LW is still reading, she can make this a price of admission for her joining: that for ONE day, JUST ONE DAY, that she and her husband and her inlaws (outlaws?) find ANY OTHER CONVERSATION TOPIC AROUND. Backyard Chickens. The Continuing Adventures of Don Cherry's Tailor: Finding and Fitting The Funniest Fabric in Fredericton. Movies. TV shows. RuPaul's merry band of queens Werqing It. Kids school stuff. Planned home improvements. Meatloaf recipes. And on and on and on.

Or, she can gently bow out, let her man see his family, and book herself into a nice spa or have herself a nice spa day at home, or go to the holiday drag show, or shine a laser pointer for the cat while eating chippies and wearing a onesie, or anything else but be around people who are frankly boring as hell as well as being irritating as hell.

And, if the outlaws persist in being assholes, then husband can frame them or wife not coming next year as THEIR BEHAVIOUR, and not who they are. "No, mom, we're not coming. We asked you very nicely last year to not do XXX. You did XXX, and so neither of us had fun. If you had chosen to not do XXX, then yes, we'd be coming."

@106 LavaGirl: Bless you. Agreed with you and JibeHo---RepubliKKKans really suck.
re your lucky @100---savor your Lucky Holiday "HUnksy" (mine would be in the form of Brad Pitt)---hee hee!

@108 griz
IIRC you've embraced life without sex (sorry I forget the details)...so is Brad Pitt like your https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Celebrity Free Pass
from celibacy?

Yes @107 slinky, closing down the baiting is the only way if the LW must keep attending the gatherings. Pity weather is no longer a neutral topic.

@109 curioius2: I'm happily asexual. Brad Pitt is none other than a sweet, delicious fantasy (especially as J.D. in Thelma & Louise). No Celebrity Free Pass--I just think he's cute.

@111 auntie grizelda
Ooops, right, sorry I forgot you're asexual.
May I ask if that means that if, say if your fantasy of Brad Pitt came into your real life there's no way you'd end up in bed no matter what?

@112 curious2: As a fantasy, my dreaming about Brad is a safe outlet. In answer to your question as to what I would do if given the opportunity to actually bed down with Mr. William Bradley Pitt in real life---I would at this point have to quote Opus the Penguin from Berkeley Breathed's Pulitzer Prize winning comic strip, Bloom County (and I think fellow commenter, DonnyKlicious will enjoy this one, too): 'As God is my witness, I haven't the slightest idea what I should do.'
But really, what are the actual odds of Griz's running into Brad Pitt, let alone cutting loose with him in a wild night of illicit and reckless sexual abandon? With my luck I'd get clobbered by one of his bodyguards, arrested, and hauled off for B&E.

@101 Thank you and bless you, JIbeHo! Agreed and seconded.

Thank you, Dan and LW, too, for this comment thread and a further reminder of how wise I am to avoid toxic get togethers with blood relatives or other awkward social obligations--especially over the holidays.

May 2019 be a good year and the end of the Trump / Pence nightmare.

@113 auntie grizelda
Great answer!
What I was envisioning was your fantasy of Mr. Pitt come to life like in a fairy tale; as such I think no clobbering would occur.

@115 curious2: I think Brad would have the perfect Daryl Van Horne (in Jack Nicholson's role) in the Witches of Eastwick. I would have loved to have played cellist and music teacher, Jane Spofford (in Susan Sarandon's role).

@64 - I agree with you. You said, "Side note: the Trump-humpers themselves are probably a lost cause. But it's important for their kids to see that there are perfectly respectable members of the family who do not hold those Trump-humping views. Modeling healthy alternatives for those kids is important. "

I've spent the last 5 years flying to my husband's family for the holidays. We are able to be ourselves and say what we think politely, and let the nasty digs roll off our backs, because we are able to fly back home a few days later. Not everyone at that dinner is so lucky.

On Christmas Eve 2016, the matriarch of the family picked up her Bible, and instead of reading the Christmas story, she started reading a paper that was tucked inside. It was a prosperity gospel fundraising letter about being released from 8 years of the Muslim devil. I saw one cousin tearing up from her frustration and sadness, so when grandma got to a part about multitudes marching for righteousness, I sidled over and whispered, "We'll be marching all right - all of us women will be headed right down to the White House to tell the guy he's an ass." She choked back a laugh and patted my shoulder, and I know it got her through the rest of the day.

Another of the younger cousins always spends a lot of time talking with me, asking about our life in the city and my career in antiques. I've encouraged him to visit, or even come stay with us for a summer internship. He finally came out to me quietly this Christmas, and I reiterated that we think he's awesome and would love to have him come stay with us anytime.

I don't engage much with the crap, or get into big arguments. I say just enough to make it clear where I stand, and then disengage, change the subject or go to another room. But that's been enough to let the younger folks know that there is another way to think about things. I think my presence also helps deflate some of the liberal stereotypes - I'm not a contemptuous coastal elite described on Fox. So I like showing up and killing them with kindness.