Jay will seduce America with that smile and his climate policy.
Jay Inslee will seduce America with that smile and his climate policy. OFFICE OF GOVERNOR JAY INSLEE

Jay Inslee is running for president: And he’s going full-on Inconvenient Truth. He’s hoping his record of climate action and environmental investment will differentiate him in an increasingly tough Democratic field. Does he have a chance? Literally nobody knows (not even those fancy TV pundits), but he’ll at the very least force the topic into the national conversation throughout a Democratic primary. Can’t wait to hear more campaign zingers like “I wish nothing but the best for Donald Trump, including having the top bunk.” I think it might be time to hire some new ghostwriters, Jay.

Bike commuting down: Despite more bike lanes and a garish, godless LimeBike on every corner of the city, bike commuting went down 20.5 percent in Seattle between 2016 and 2017. Apparently, low gas prices and a strong economy (thanks, Obama) are to blame for our collective laziness, myself included.


Congress is back in session today: And Nancy Pelosi is poised to reclaim the Speaker of the House title, becoming one of the most THE most powerful elected woman in American history. Day one will see a flurry of power moves for the Democrats, from flexing their newfound oversight muscles to throwing out the carrot and attacking any border wall funding with a stick.

Memelord in chief: Donald Trump held an almost two hour press conference yesterday surrounded by his team of “acting” cabinet members and more conspicuously a Game of Thrones meme reading “Sanctions Are Coming” that was never actually explained. Hey, Trump, if you had actually watched the show, you would know that walls aren’t all that effective.


Riders on the storm: Washington surfers should flock to the coast as heavy winds are kicking up 20+ foot waves.* For the rest of us, it’s looking pretty mild.


Tim Cook misses China’s money: Apple lowered its sales estimates for the first time in 15 years, and Wall Street is losing its shit. I know next to nothing about stocks, but I can read a graph, and Apple, along with other large companies, is down 8 percent. The Apple CEO blames the trade war with China, but maybe it’s because the only way I can afford the new iPhone is by promising Cook my firstborn son. My MacBook has a cracked screen and is slower than a sloth on salvia, but I’m going to hold on to it until one of us dies.

Safeco Field is dead, long live T-Mobile Park: When Chicago’s famous Sears Tower changed its name to the Willis Tower, the city revolted. I still refuse to call it by its new name. Change sucks and so do these pink lights.


The Seattle Police Department will release body-cam footage today: From a New Year's Eve incident in which an officer shot and killed a man after a traffic stop and foot pursuit. SPD claims the man pulled out a handgun during the physical struggle. Body-cam footage will shed light on that claim and whether the officer attempted to use any nonlethal force before the shooting.


#BirdBoxChallenge: Netflix is pleading with the public, “Can’t believe I have to say this, but: PLEASE DO NOT HURT YOURSELVES WITH THIS BIRD BOX CHALLENGE.” Well, I can’t believe we’re still talking about this movie in 2019. (Yes, I know it came out on December 13.) For the challenge, people are doing pretty much anything blindfolded. I honestly wish I was wearing a blindfold while watching the movie. Worst Sandra Bullock movie since Ocean's 8, and that was in June!

Toad python sex bus: So a few days ago, I found this picture on Twitter of 10 cane toads hitching a ride on a massive python after a rainstorm in Australia. Naturally I added the caption “The wheels on the bus go hiss hiss hisssss” (which didn’t get anywhere near enough love, but that’s showbiz, baby).


It turns out the toads weren’t feeling lazy at all, they were feeling randy. Thanks to a follow-up by Smithsonian magazine, it’s a lot more likely that these male toads were trying to have sex with the roughly 10-foot python.

But in their quest to reproduce, cane toads sometimes get a bit overzealous. They have been known to try and mate with anything they can catch: male toads, human hands and feet, other species and even inanimate objects. On Twitter, Rowley shared an image of a cane toad attempting to get it on with a rotting mango.

These invasive little toads have a strong, sticky grip, so the python had no choice but to ride it out and keep on slithering in the right direction. The snake couldn’t even eat the little horny bastards because they have a gland full of toxic chemical that protects them from predators. Shout-out to Australia for never having a shortage of weird/hilarious/terrifying animal stories.

Tonight's best Seattle entertainment options include: A Los Lobos concert, the Pioneer Square Art Walk, and a performance of The Lion King.


* Do not actually surf those 20 foot waves. You will (likely) die.