Calling all goats.
Calling all goats. Beboy / Getty

You're stuck with me, Sloggers: Nathalie is on vacation until Monday. I won't tell you where she is, because I know you're all obsessed with her, but I hear she's having a great Valentine's dinner at Olive Garden.

Okay, this is a journey, buckle up for some Amazon news: Earlier this morning—but not early enough for Slog AM—Amazon rejected New York City after New York City rejected Amazon. In a surprise announcement, Amazon said that local opposition to the company prompted them to pull out of the Big Apple. That left Seattle shook. Then, to shake us down even more, the company announced it will "end its growth in Seattle in coming years," reports Mike Rosenberg of The Seattle Times. Those jobs that are now not going to New York? They're probably not coming here. Mudede said it best: "What does the billionaire of all billionaires, Bezos, want from us, Seattle? Should we toss something living into a volcano?"

Oh wait, there's an update:

Bellevue doesn't believe women: Former Republican state senator Joe Fain, an accused rapist, lost his bid for re-election last November. Good news for him, he's still employable. The Bellevue Chamber of Commerce has chosen him to be its new CEO after a "nationwide search," reports KUOW.

Go back to slinging bean juice, Howard: Schultz has no path to victory, according to "new" analysis.

Airbus’s failure is Boeing’s boon: European jet manufacturer Airbus announced today that they would end production of their A380, which is the largest commercial airplane in the world. Shuttering the plane’s production after just 14 years of flights and over $25 billion in development costs is a huge loss for the jet manufacturer and a boon for Boeing, its only rival. While Airbus was developing the biggest commercial plane in the world, Boeing developed the 787, a mid-sized plane that is prized for its high-efficiency. Boeing reported over 1,400 orders for their 787 in 2019; looks like they made the right call.

What's the truth? A journey through three headlines: It's a wild day for the internet, truth, and Jussie Smollett. This morning, from the Washington Post: "Jussie Smollett says he is ‘forever changed’ in first interview since alleged attack." This afternoon, from Variety: "Police Believe Jussie Smollett Attack Was Staged (Report)." This evening, from Complex: "Police Deny Reports Saying They Believe Jussie Smollett Attack Was Staged (UPDATE)." What's going on? I don't fucking know. But I do know that no one needs a hot take, we need patience and good reporting.

Lots of hot music videos dropped on Valentine's Day: First, from our queen Lizzo:

I'm calling it now (though I'm hardly the first): This is going to be Lizzo's year. I bet she'll be nominated for Best New Artist at the 2020 Grammys. Jasmyne Keimig had more thoughts on our queen, which you should read.

Speaking of queens, Tacocat also released a new music video with SO MANY SEATTLE DRAG QUEENS: It's a big day for Seattle superheroes, Tacocat. This morning, the punk quartet announced their new album, This Mess Is a Place, which will debut on May 3 via Sub Pop. But then they also dropped a single, "Grains of Salt," and an extremely fun video for the song on NPR. Let's get into it:

What do you notice right from the beginning? Oh yeah! Drag queens! A lot of them! And they're from Seattle!

Directed by Seattle filmmaker and Future Is 0 host Claire Buss, the video features queens Irene Dubois, Cucci Binaca, Connie Merlot, Mermosa, Cherdonna Shinatra, Dion Dior Black, Umlaut, Beau Degas, and probably more local freaks I'm missing. There were so many Seattle artists in that video!

More Seattle music news:

Some excellent questions:

Trump is expected to sign that funding package, but he's probably going to declare a state of emergency: The New York Times has the details. It's a fucking mess. It's Valentine's Day, read with caution, because it will not fill your heart with love.

I end tonight by preaching one of the world's great truths: Fuck First.

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A reader created this BEAUTIFUL needlepoint piece — happy Valentines Day, everybody, and remember to #FuckFirst! If I may quote myself... “Here's my stock Valentine's Day advice: fuck first. It's easier to get late dinner reservations, think 9 or 10 PM, the restaurant will be less packed, the waiters and cooks less harried. And since no one feels like fucking after a ‘romantic’ meal (rich food, wine, dessert), it's a much better idea to go get something to eat after you fuck. Remember, kids: a romantic meal doesn't put you in the mood for a good fuck but a good fuck builds up an appetite for a romantic meal. And if getting fucked on Valentine's Day is important to you—and it seems to be important to a lot of folks out there (judging from the amount of mail I get on February 15 from people complaining about not getting fucked on February 14)—you must fuck first. I've written back to folks who emailed me on Feb 15 to ask if their relationships were doomed because they didn't fuck on Feb 14 and asked them to describe—in minute detail—how the night went down. Invariably they went out to eat first, drank and ate, and then promptly slipped into food comas once they got home. Don't make that mistake. Fuck first.”

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