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Let's say my kink is edging and I edge myself for a few days leading up to a date. Is it my responsibility to tell my potential partner?

There are a few variables here that are important to note. This is a first/Tinder date and it's just a coffee date BUT we have talked about our expectations and their will likely be a physical aspect in to whatever potential relationship may ensue. I understand that it's never cool to involve someone in your kink without their consent, but what are the rules here? On one hand, if don't divulge this information, I could see how my production of an unexpectedly large amount of ejaculate could be upsetting depending on the circumstances/activity. But on the other hand, at least some amount of come is expected, right? If I randomly had massive loads every single time through no effort of my own, would I be responsible for letting a partner know? Perhaps it would be the polite thing to do. I guess I'd feel comfortable letting someone know, "Hey, by the way, I produce very large loads," if sex was imminent. But when you add the kink factor into the mix, I think something long like that should be talked about before sex is "imminent."

So what responsibility do I have to divulge this information? And if I do have responsibility to divulge this, when would be the appropriate time to bring it up? I feel like it could be sexy to be so open about a taboo, given that we've already discussed the desire for a physical aspect to the relationship, but at what point between sex being "not off-limits" and "my parts are going to be interacting with your parts as soon as our clothes are off" is the right moment to disclose my kink?

What Ought One Do?

P.S. Could get back to me before Wednesday? That would be so much appreciated, as this is kiiiiiind of a time-sensitive hypothetical situation.

Um... you blow loads.

That's what men do* with their penises**, WOOD, and most people who're attracted to men are aware of this seminal*** fact. And anyone who's slept with two or more men knows that some men blow bigger loads than others. Volume varies. Volumes vary between men and the volume of an individual man's loads can vary naturally or as the direct result of an intentional intervention. Like edging. But generally the longer the gap between orgasms, the longer the build up to an orgasm, the bigger a dude's load is gonna be. Extend the build up over hours, days, or weeks—by edging yourself or being edging by someone—and the resulting load will be larger than normal for the edged individual. But even so, that edged dude's load can still be smaller than the load of a guy who just naturally produces more ejaculate.

Which is a long way of saying no, WOOD, I don't think there's a pressing need to disclose your kink to your date. If it gets sexual, she's going to expect you to produce ejaculate at some point. And even if the load you wind up blowing is enormous, WOOD, you're not going to drown her or wash out her IUD or capsize her...


Sorry, that was a reach. But sometimes you just need a 1970s disaster movie break, you know?

Anyway, WOOD, your letter reads like you got baked out of your mind and sat up half the night trying to come up with an excuse to tell this woman about your not-that-kinky-kink and "I should tell her as a courtesy" was the best you could do.

If you want to tell her, WOOD, tell her. But since there's no need to tell her that you sometimes like to stroke for a bit without climaxing, there's a strong chance she'll react negatively to your "courtesy" disclosure. Even if she's already made it clear "a physical aspect in to whatever potential relationship may ensue," WOOD, she's gonna scrutinizing you for signs you aren't someone she wants to get naked with—she'll be looking for red flags—at your first face-to-face meeting. And if you come across like a creep with piss-poor judgment—and a needless conversation about how much ejaculate you produce and why you produce so much ejaculate is gonna come across as creepy—then she may decide not to ensue with you.

*Not all men have penises, not all penises have men, not all men blow loads, not all loads are blown into men, etc.

**Not the only thing men do**** with their penises, some men don't do that that thing with their penises, some penis-havers don't do that thing as men, etc.

***GET IT?

****Not all men have penises, not all penises have men, not all men blow loads, not all loads are blown into men, etc.


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