NOT (all parts of) California anymore.
NOT (all parts of) California anymore. ANGELO D'AMICO/GETTY IMAGES

Oceans are doing our dirty work: That's right, you carbon-using bastards, the ocean is pulling way more than its weight in this whole climate change fight. The oceans—all oceans, all around the world, equal-opportunity ocean—are absorbing 31 percent of the carbon humans put out into the world. That reduces the global temperature. But, that's fucking bad for the oceans! Ocean acidification, you've heard of it. Let's stop using so much carbon, you cowards! We keep releasing more and they keep absorbing more.

Looking to reduce your energy consumption? Read 5 tips for an energy efficient home!

Some old fashioned decapitated goat intimidation: The mayor of Wapato, a central Washington town, found the headless animal outside her house. She said someone left it there to intimidate her. What is this? A hyper-local The Godfather? Who knows. This town, and this mayor, are really in it, though. There's something rotten in Wapato. The mayor has been accused of nepotism and a deputy clerk just got caught embezzling more than $300,000 from 2011 to 2017.

Meanwhile, Colorado needs some help: From the National Guard. A blizzard stranded drivers in snow. Those Coloradans (Coloradians? Coloradoans?) with their "snow experience" and their "chains for their tires" were bested by the bomb cyclone that swept through the middle of the country. The governor had to declare a state of emergency to get some aid.

Some progress on staying on daylight saving time indefinitely: The Legislature is mulling over the whole "fall-back-spring-ahead" issue currently. The Senate just voted to remain permanently on Daylight Saving Time, also known as the reality we're currently living in. I'm kind of good with that, have you seen these days we're having? They're so long and luxurious. There's still a ways to go with this decision, though.

There's a scooter bill: The bill would allow for local jurisdictions to set their own rules around electric scooters. That's because, even under this bill, electric scooters are prohibited in the state. But, if the bill were to pass, it would give local jurisdiction precedence. It lays out some guidelines for scooter share companies and operating usage of the scooters (like hey, don't go over 15 mph, Johnny!). Still, that doesn't mean Seattle is any closer to getting scooters SADLY.

A Seattle school scheduled standardized testing during Ramadan: A letter to parents at Thurgood Marshall Elementary specifically requested that Muslim parents allow their children to eat and get a good night's sleep for standardized testing because the tests will occur during Ramadan, a Muslim holiday that involves day-long fasting. Ramadan occurs during early May this year.

A beach day in Seattle: Whew! It's above 50 degrees! Break out the sunscreen and the spaghetti straps, baby!

California is drought-free for the first time in seven years: Sound the alarms, there isn't a drought in California. For the time being. An unusually wet winter sated the cracked and thirsty California soil. More than 93 percent of the state is drought-free.

I think this is fake: Chase, The Stranger's Digital Editor, thinks it's real. We obviously need Slog to decide for us. What do you think?

Some more on the college cheating scheme: Lori Loughlin got dropped by all of her projects at the Hallmark Channel because she and her husband-who-created-the-brand-Mossimo allegedly paid $500,000 to get their daughters into USC. One of those daughters, social media influencer Olivia Jade, got dropped by some of the brands who sponsor her. The two daughters are reportedly withdrawing from USC. They would likely be expelled anyway.

Communications from downed-Ethiopian Airlines flight leaked: Right before the Ethiopian Airlines flight crashed last Sunday, according to the New York Times, the pilot, with panic in his voice, requested permission to turn back to the airport. That was three minutes into the flight. Before that, almost immediately into the flight, the pilot reported "flight control problems." After the request to turn back, and when the pilot started to turn around, it disappeared from the radar. It crashed soon after.

Wow, I guess not all hope is lost: The Senate voted today to veto Trump’s declaration of a national emergency on the border with Mexico.

Headline of the week: Crematorium goes up in flames, bodies survive