Thomas, now a former Seahawk, gave Pete the ol fuck you finger.
Thomas, now a former Seahawk, gave Pete the ol' 'fuck you' finger. ABBIE PARR/GETTY IMAGES

Amazon’s private label products are mostly shit: And they sell like it too. There’s been a lot of hand-wringing about Amazon selling its own manufactured products, like lamps, jeans, and batteries on its platform under names like AmazonBasics because it would push out smaller companies making the same products. Elizabeth Warren even called for a ban on companies selling their own private label products on the same platform that they host. But it turns out most of these products are complete flops that don’t outcompete the original even when Amazon bumps their own products to the top of the search results and slashes prices.

National Inquirer paid $200,000 for Bezos’s steamy texts: According to a new report by the Wall Street Journal. As previously reported by The Daily Beast, the brother of Bezos’s lover, Michael Sanchez, allegedly received six figures for exposing his sister and the richest man in the world for their relationship. That’s a real dick move there, Michael. A good rule of thumb is never sell a story to American Media, the Enquirer’s parent company, because they’ll screw you every time.

Earl Thomas’s famous “fuck you” was directed at Pete Carroll: When the Seahawks safety hurt his leg week four of the season, he knew the team’s management had screwed him. He had only ever played for the Seahawks and now, without a contract guarantee, he was looking at a very dubious chance of getting drafted as a free agent. Don’t you worry, it all worked out for Thomas and he even let slip exactly who that middle finger was directed at.

Opioid warehouses and distributors may no longer get preferential tax rates: A Washington state Senator introduced a bill that would end the state's long-standing practice of giving pharmaceutical companies that distribute opioids lower tax rates. The bill would impose a tax of 37 percent on their gross sales, the same that is imposed on marijuana sales, which kind of makes sense. They’re both painkillers, except one killed about 72,000 people in the U.S. last year and the other hasn’t had a recorded death in the entirety of its existence as a plant.

New Zealand Prime Minister vows never to speak gunman’s name: In a speech to lawmakers, the Prime Minister denied the alleged gunman the notoriety he tried to gain through a mass shooting that killed at least 50 people. She also turned her attention toward technology companies for the role they played in not only spreading the gunman’s manifesto and massacre livestream, but for radicalizing him in the first place. A New York Times technology reporter wrote, “The attack was teased on Twitter, announced on the online message board 8chan and broadcast live on Facebook. The footage was then replayed endlessly on YouTube, Twitter and Reddit, as the platforms scrambled to take down the clips nearly as fast as new copies popped up to replace them.”

Mozambique was hammered with a cyclone: With some organizations saying it was the most destructive tropical-cyclone disaster in the Southern Hemisphere. About 2.7 million people have been affected in the southern African countries of Mozambique and Malawi, but it is too soon to list a final death toll. It's currently listed at 84. Flooding in many parts of the country has left people trapped on roofs and scrambling for higher ground. The president says that the death toll could rise as high as 1,000.

Today is not a day for pants: Learn from my mistakes people! I wore pants AND boots yesterday and I was hotter than the inside of a Hot Pocket. Today I will be wearing shorts and if you know what's good for you, you’ll do the same. If I was confident enough, I would wear a skirt because they sound incredibly comfy but I just don’t think I could pull it off.

Washington measles outbreak spread through tight-knit Eastern European community in the state: In Clark County, a community of Russian and Ukrainian immigrants were hit especially hard by the measles outbreak because they had an unusually low vaccination rate for their children. For reference, Ukraine had a measles outbreak of 30,000 this year that killed at least 11 people. Word spread like a disease (go figure) through this small, traditional community that some parents were choosing not to vaccinate their children. That proved to be all the kindling that this measles outbreak needed. Officials have now certified there are 73 confirmed cases of Measles in Clark County, almost all of which are unvaccinated or under-vaccinated.

A meteor hit earth with the power of 10 atomic bombs: But don’t worry, it was in December. And it blew up in the air. And it landed in the Bering Sea. Not as exciting when I add all those caveats, is it? Well the truth isn’t always sexy! It was the largest meteor to break the Earth’s atmosphere since 2013, so that’s pretty exciting, right? For reference, here’s that 2013 meteor over Russia.

Tonight's best Seattle entertainment options include: A Broad City trivia night hosted by Betty Wetter, a chance to hear the San Francisco Symphony with Michael Tilson Thomas, and Lucas Hnath’s play A Doll's House, Part 2.