Whisper the report in our ear, Robert. Slowly.
Whisper the report in our ear, Robert. Slowly. ANN HEISENFELT / GETTY IMAGE

Shake Shack continues to expand its mediocrity into Seattle: Overrated Shake Shack burgers are headed to University Village in 2020. Currently, the burgers—which I adamantly think are "just okay"—are only available in South Lake Union. Though I try my hardest not to venture down there, I've heard that the Shake Shack buzz hasn't died down since that location opened last October. There will also be a Shake Shack on the Eastside by fall.

Dairy cow drama: The tragic tale of the frozen-to-death dairy cows isn't over. A rancher was arrested on suspicion of 29 counts of animal cruelty because 29 of his cows were found dead. He alleges they died in the early February storm that killed around 18,000 cows. Accusers think he starved them.

Gov. Jay Inslee compared giving Boeing a billion dollar tax break to getting mugged: Inslee was asked why he supported an $8.7 billion tax break for Boeing in 2013. He said he wasn't happy about the situation and that "these corporations put a gun to your ribs and say you're going to lose 20,000 jobs unless you give us a tax break." He said he doesn't want companies to have that much power.

Three years ago, there was a man in a tree: Do you remember where you were when #ManInTree happened? In 2016, a man climbed up an 80-foot sequoia tree in downtown Seattle.

Woman in Seattle calculates pi: To 31.4 trillion decimal places. She used the Google Cloud to do it. It took four months.

Gearing up for the first all-female spacewalk: Today, two astronauts replaced some batteries on the International Space Station. Another batch of batteries has to be replaced next week. That will be done by an entirely female crew.

Parkland survivor takes her own life: Just over a year since she survived the shooting, Sydney Aiello took her own life. Aiello was reportedly suffering from PTSD and survivor's guilt. She had difficulty going to her college classes because she found it hard to be in a classroom. According to her mother, Aiello passed away last weekend.

The Mueller report is here: Of course this dropped in the middle of the day Friday (and the end of the workday on the east coast). The report on whether Russia interfered in the 2016 election is done, finished, history. It was delivered to Attorney General William P. Barr. It's up to him how much of the document we'll see.

Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer want to open this sucker up: Me too.

What we know: The real answer? Not much. So far, Mueller recommends that no new charges be filed.

Georgia just passed a bullshit anti-abortion bill: It's a heartbeat bill. That means that once a doctor can hear a fetus's heartbeat it's game over, no abortion allowed. The heartbeat can typically be heard when someone is six weeks pregnant. Six weeks pregnant is so fucking early. That's akin to your period being two weeks late. Most people don't know they're even pregnant at six weeks. Kentucky and Mississippi both passed similar legislation into law recently.

The biggest news of the day: The CW's Supernatural is ending after next year, its 15th season. I don't watch that show anymore but I still love that show. I'm happy it stuck around so long, even if it did (and no one can argue with me here) dip substantially in quality.

Trump rolled back sanctions on North Korea: The Treasury Department reportedly ordered additional sanctions to North Korea today. Trump wasn't keen on that and rolled them back. He announced it via Twitter because how else would he do it? According to Sarah Huckabee Sanders, it's because Trump "likes Chairman Kim" and "doesn't think the sanctions are necessary."

Print journalism may not be glamorous but… : This shit doesn't happen.