So recently I was sitting with my boyfriend of three months, using his laptop. When he pulled up the search bar, I saw some really strange (to me) porn sites. My curiosity got the better of me, and I looked at the search history while he was in the shower. (I know that was a shitty to do that and I feel guilty about it.) In his porn history, I saw a ton of BBW granny porn and grandpa gay daddy porn. He also seems to primarily choose porn that specifically features older women with short hair and huge tits. I’m a petite 21-year-old woman with tiny boobs. In all honesty, I probably look about 16. Knowing this info about his porn choices has made me super self-conscious and kind of weirded out. On top of this, he came out as gay as a teenager and primarily slept with men until age 19, when he “decided” that he was actually straight. Now, he claims to have zero attraction to men. The amount of gay porn he's watching shows this to be a lie. Also, when we have sex, he does very little work. He’s totally a "starfish," but has does have a really glorious dick. He also refuses to go down on me. Overall, I’m very confused. Dan, what are your thoughts?

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One Very Confused Girlfriend

I think some people are gerontophiles. I think some people are bi. And I think some bi people identify as gay just like some gay people identify as bi. Some are rounding themselves up or down, some are deluding themselves, some are still figuring their shit out. I think your boyfriend, by evidence of his porn history, might be bi and might be a gerontophile. But only your boyfriend knows for sure what he is—or will know for sure one day. Your boyfriend could still be figuring his shit out.

But my thoughts about what might be going on with your boyfriend are irrelevant, OVCG, seeing as we know this for sure right now: your boyfriend is a lousy/lazy lay—he just lies there, starfishing, while you do all the work. And on top of that he doesn't go down on you. And you only have three months invested in this relationship? Yeah, fuck that shit. DTMFA.

For the record: snooping is wrong and you should feel terrible, OVCG. But you wouldn't have been in this relationship long enough to borrow his laptop, spot that crazy browser history, and succumb to the temptation to snoop if you'd ended this relationship when you should've—and that was immediately after you'd determined this guy was and would remain a lousy/lazy lay. (Recognizing, of course, that lousy/lazy lay is an entirely subjective judgment and there are probably others out there—elderly necrophiliacs, extreme bondage tops, actual starfish—who would enjoy being with your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend.)


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