Geez Dan, I thought it was sweet. Why are you such a bitch today?

I understand why it's not a workable letter for Savage Love, but still. There are a lot of romantics in your readership.

People who love each other should just fuck the right off.

If you can't compromise on this depending one who needs it that day, your relationship is doomed to fail.
My husband and I often get shmoopy with this "love you, love you most, love you mostest" stuff... if one of us says we need it that day, we get it. ... and the other willingly and gives it.
This really isn't difficult.

Very deserving in this context. Seek to mock those with issues and you should be told off.

I'm with Dan, except he forgot to address the horse they rode in on.

Shoulda asked them what they were fucking on, not tell them to fuck off. Spank banks don't fill themselves, Dan.

nartweag @4 wins the thread.

I would definitely run from anyone who had that kind of saccharine stupidity going on. They probably talk baby talk to each other too. Eeeech.

@8, nartweag wins at being most insufferable. The mostest insufferable.

But bitter single people need the most love! That's why I send out handmade valentines to all my single friends, (well all my friends and family actually, but especially my single friends) and of course one to the Stranger Staff, because very high concentration of bitter single people there, duh.

@4: You two sound lovely. :)

I'm a bitter single---actually a non-bitter single---and on my own behalf I say, yay for anyone who is in love. I like nartweag's approach @4 and Lissa sounds like a sweetheart.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7uh15s23nQ

@13: Awwww, right back at ya <3

Is this a legitimate use of my time Dan? These two are not in need of any help.
“ If I loved you, words wouldn’t come in an easy way, round in circles I’d go.. longing to tell you, but afraid and shy. I’d let my golden chances pass me by..“ “ girl you really got me going, you got me so I can’t sleep at night..”
Heterosexual love is not for everyone.

Appears this letter turned out to be therapeutic after all, churning up introspections into our bitterness and envy of those whom profess their love for each other with great frequency and passion.

Hear, hear Dan. Shurrup happy people! Yours sincerely, Miserably Single

If they both signed off on this stupid, pointless letter, they deserve each other. Mazel tov.

"If you can't compromise on this depending one who needs it that day, your relationship is doomed to fail"

I agree. Those two should break up now, and save each other (and everyone else) from this insufferable cringefest.

And here I'm disappointed that Dan didn't recommend non-monogamy.

I'll split the middle in a way and call it the sort of thing everyone should get to experience once or twice for, one hopes (NOT "hopefully" - and how I would love to go back thirty-five years grammatically to the time when "hopefully" and "presently" were the two most commonly misused words instead of the large assortment of more common words being butchered now), a relatively short time. It was part of the charm of my PLB experience, along with, for something more specific to a single occasion, my sole blatant PDA from twenty years previous to then.

I could take ages deciding on how to respond to Ms Lissa. While I honour anyone else who deprives Hallmark of their ill-gotten gains (at least I did when I would write things for people for Particular Occasions, often making a little ritual of walking about two miles to hand-deliver them at 4:00 a.m.), it's hard to decide on the best level of fearing to be twee. (Here one may end up being grateful to Laura Ashley, because otherwise so many people would be able to define "twee" that it would remind one of how Lady Middleton thought the Miss Dashwoods, because they were fond of reading, "satirical" ["perhaps without knowing what it was to be satirical; but that did not signify." Ms Cute, I am retroactively making this into another of my match-finding questions].) More importantly, though, I hope Ms Lissa is being a little Humpty Dumpty-like with her "all" to mean "all her single friends who happen to enjoy and feel reassured by the gesture". Now, if that category happens to include every one of her single friends, then I congratulate her on the excellence of compatibility her friend-radar produces. But I can visualize two ways in which it might go wrong. Some friends would experience receiving such a valentine as salt in the wound (rather like Laura's dearest friend Sophia in "Love and Freindship" - Miss Austen's original spelling, not mine - who insists that Laura take her out of herself with conversation only to find that every topic recalls to mind her imprisoned husband, which makes her low again. Presently, when they discover that the killed occupants of an overturned carriage are their two husbands, Sophia faints every moment while Laura runs mad as often. This results in the sudden chill which carries Sophia off in a remarkably short time and causes her to give the notorious Beware-of-Swoons deathbed advice to Laura, "Run mad as often as you chuse [again, Miss Austen's spelling], but do not faint." [Ms Cute - another match-finding question!]), while others might actually have the temperaments to dislike and/or disapprove of valentines to enough of an extent that the effect would mimic that of wishing the ho-ho-ho-iest Merry Christmas to the most devout Militant Atheist (like an old acquaintance of Miss Marple's, Alison Wilde, a woman inclined to be kind but who was always making and giving people seed cake, whether or not they actually liked it).

This is what the phrase "get a room" was invented for.

This letter deserved a "fuck off" simply because it was boastful and asinine. No doubt LW will be writing to Dan again in six months, after discovering their partner is exclusively into blueberries, or something equally interesting.

@22: I started making cards for people in the mid 90s when I worked at the Vogue (a Seattle dance club) and was hip deep bitter single friends and just never stopped. Over the years my list has grown and right now I'm up to about 100. I usually make two designs; one romantic and one satirical. :) Last year for example the darker design was a skeleton hand pinching an anatomical heart between its thumb and forefinger, on a background of dark red Victorian wallpaper. So what I guess I'm saying is I know my audience. :)

Lots of lonely and bitter folks in Seattle.

LOL. [hoot] Glad to see snarky Dan still lives. He's better off having dialed it back in recent years, but it's good to see it emerge now and then. Keeps us honest, as readers....

Ooops! My reply was to @21

The LW was having a bit of fun, as was Dan. Nice change from the misery.
How jaded some of you sound. I wish these two lovebirds well. What do you super city slickers say to your lovers?

Dear Dan: My girlfriend likes to be called Snookums, but I prefer calling her Sweetie. She boops me on the nose when I do this and makes a little frowny face before giving me a big kiss. So my question is, is it possible to be so adorably in love that you actually make other people physically ill?

@25

Lots of lonely and bitter people period. Have you seen the articles about the "sex recession"?

Lonely and bitter times, it seems.

So much for 'love is not boastful'

It's not the sentiment that deserves a "fuck off," it's that they wrote a letter about the sentiment to Dan. Which is decidedly obnoxious.

Just kids being stupid and in love. Enjoy it you guys.

You both lose. I loves ME the most!

They can both be correct, since they didn't identify the comparative set - "the most of all the people who love you" is a different set than "the most of all people who are loved," and not specifying leaves the statements ambiguous.

I'm going to go ahead and say you're both wrong, though, LW, because there is a ceiling to how loved someone who wastes an advice columnist's time with inane, cutsey bullshit can be, and that ceiling is below the ceiling for how much a person can be loved in general, so there are others who both love more and are loved more. Neither of you is the best; you're both inferior to any number of other people in many, many ways, including loving and being loved.

@30: The Golden Rule is reciprocal - if they're going to be obnoxious, they should expect similar treatment in return.

@28: I discuss electoral and extra-legal strategies for disrupting the rise of fascism and securing a sustainable, more equitable future for humanity, among literal thousands of more useful and pro-social subjects than who loves whom more, and I have done so since my first girlfriend in high school. It's not that they're really into each other, it's that they're so self-absorbed that they think bothering other people about how into each other they are is a good idea.