Seattle is a dog park.
Seattle is a dog park. alexei_tm/Getty Images

New homeless shelters are falling short of housing goals: But they're still doing better than the old model at getting people experiencing homelessness into stable permanent housing. While many of the new “enhanced” emergency shelters fell short of their goal last year, the number of people who exited the shelter into permanent housing rose from 13 to 21 percent last year, according to the Seattle Times. Some of the shelters are funded based on how many people they direct to housing, but the city is trying to soften financial goals for those that didn't meet goals.

Department of Corrections says books are actually okay for prisoners: Last week, it came to light that the Washington DOC had quietly announced a ban on donated books. They said that donated books were vehicles for contraband in prisons and that prisoners would no longer be able to receive book donations. Everyone knew that was fucking bullshit and that maybe the DOC just wasn't cool with prisoners wanting to READ and LEARN and be HUMAN. Anyway, public outcry, some words from lawmakers and Gov. Jay Inslee, and a quick fact check from the Seattle Times have forced DOC's hand; they will be allowing prisoners to receive donated books again.

Beaverton burglar was actually just a Roomba: Two men called 911 about someone breaking into the house they were house-sitting in Oregon. There were noises coming from upstairs; a bathroom door had clearly shut. Police responded to the call. They donned protective gear. They heard the noises too, like someone was trying to get out a window, according to KING5. When the officers burst into the bathroom, they saw a Roomba vacuum, stuck and banging against a shower door. They all had a big, hearty laugh. Don't you love those silly policemen?

The U.S. Forest Service and the Bureau of Land Management are getting sued: That's because the groups are allowing exploratory drilling near Mt. Saint Helens and environmentalists, namely the Cascade Forest Conservancy, are pissed. BLM found that the drilling of up to 63 holes to look for gold, silver, molybdenum, and copper at a mining claim 12 miles from the volcano. The Cascade Forest Conservancy is suing.

Bye, bye, Viaduct:

There are more dogs than kids in this hell city: Look, I like dogs just fine. But, after a certain point doesn't it feel like they're taking over the world? How many dogs do we need? Will it ever be enough? How many dogs eat at that goddamn dog restaurant in South Lake Union? Okay. Anyway, here's this story about how we have a lot of dogs, maybe the most dogs, but really you should just be reading our Pet Issue coverage because we here at The Stranger have a lot to say about pets.

THIS dog is allowed, though: Thank you for your service, Bella. I love you.

Shitty abortion bill heads to Ohio governor's desk: It's another one of those goddamned heartbeat bills. Five similar bills have been passed in other states. These abortion restrictions have been a trend ever since Brett Kavanaugh was confirmed as a Supreme Court Justice. The Ohio bill was vetoed twice before. Wednesday was the last debate before the bill, which would ban abortion after six weeks of pregnancy (aka when your period is just TWO WEEKS late), heads to the governor's desk. The governor indicated that he would sign it.

Trump speeds up oil and gas projects: Two new executive orders will make it harder for states to kill pipeline projects. They will speed up the process of making gas and oil pipelines. Recently, the slow permitting process allowed New York and Washington state to stall such projects. Fossil fuel interest groups are claiming that by making sure projects comply with the Clean Water Act states are "dictating national policy" and allowing environmentalists to kill these projects.

This man really wrestled a sea lion to the ground: For a good cause? Yes, yes, a good cause. Truly noble. Still, he really manhandled that rubbery little guy.

Amazon hears what you ask Alexa, you perverts: Someone is listening. Not all the time. But thousands of people around the world have to listen to you ask Alexa stupid questions like how tall Chris Evans is all the time. They probably heard you ask her to add that vagisil to your cart. They listen, transcribe, and send 'em right back to Alexa to better her software, her learning, and probably make her all powerful one day.

Amazon employees aren't cool with climate change: More than 4,200 Amazon employees are calling on the local bookseller and Bezos brainchild to commit to lowering its carbon footprint and to stop helping the oil and fossil fuel industry with its services.

Jeopardy! single day record decimated by this guy: James Holzhauer won $110,914 in one day on everybody's favorite quiz show. Holzhauer left the previous record—a 2010 score of $77,000—in the dust. Holzhauer is a professional sports better and he used game theory to control the Jeopardy! board, aiming for the Daily Doubles and betting high. He only missed four questions out of the 133 he answered.