Give them fewer rules or give them death (where they may or may not get a planet in the after life)
Give them fewer rules or give them death (where they may or may not get a planet in the after life) gradyreese/Getty Images

Slog PM tonight is brought to you by these radlers from Urban Chestnut Brewing Company: There's a grapefruit and a lemon. Some very summery options to eclipse our very rainy week. I gotta say, the lemon tastes like an overripe, mushy lemon but also a lot like a melted lemon head sour candy. Not my favorite. The grapefruit on the other hand tastes like breakfast in Hawaii.
knockin em back
knockin' em back Jasmyne Keimig

Here's me double fisting them on this lovely Friday. Enjoy my new glasses, I'm still coping with my four-eyed reality.

Water World with less Kevin Costner: That's basically one of the plans to fight climate change. Well, adapt to climate change. It's a floating city called Oceanix. The plan—though still in the hypothetical stages—is to build a city about 1 mile off the coast of a major city. A floating futuristic utopia where you don't need cars and you can catch your own dinner. The plan is to make it an affordable place for the people impacted the most by climate change to go. AKA it's a place to put our poorest and most vulnerable populations. The optics there are... not great.

Let's get some ladies on the ice: Okay, we're going to get a National Hockey League team, what about a National Women’s Hockey League team? There's a lobbying effort to get NWHL to Seattle. The market is ripe for one. I want to see some bad bitches duke it out on the ice. There are currently only 5 teams in the NWHL. Canada's Women's Hockey League stopped operations last year due to financial pressures.

Oregon woman arrested for neglecting 35 cats: She had them zip-tied in a laundry basket without food or water for days! Three died! She was sentenced to 15 days in jail.

No way out of bankruptcy for Tim Eyman: Washington's favorite political hemorrhoid filed for bankruptcy last November. Attorney General Bob Ferguson sued Eyman for violating campaign finance laws. Eyman tried to get ahead of what he expected to be a big judgment against him and filed for bankruptcy. But now he wants out and a judge ruled he can't. Instead, Eyman will have to file monthly spending and expense reports along with a monthly budget. Meanwhile, Eyman is going to court for maybe stealing a chair and that whole campaign finance violation thing.

The historic security detail that will protect the rich from climate change: Andrew Carnegie formed the Pinkertons over 150 years ago as his personal militia. They're still around. But, they've rebranded and reformed to fit the needs of the times. That means big data and preparing for the worst when everything inevitably turns to shit. Their corporate clients want people to defend them when the water wars come, when murder rates rise along with global temperatures, and to teach them how to tactically drive. With the Pinkertons, and without acknowledging the real threat (climate change), the rich get data-driven risk analysis and all-out security detail.

Publicly, Trump said he wasn't going to close the southwest border: Privately, he told the man he was going to choose as acting secretary of homeland security, Kevin McAleenan, to close the border anyway, according to three people briefed about the conversation. He also added that he would pardon McAleenan if there were any legal hurdles. This is the latest in transparency transgressions and Trump's growing ire toward all kinds of immigration in the United States, be it legal or illegal. He really is the target audience for Fox News.

Meanwhile, Trump is saying he's going to put detained migrants in sanctuary cities: On Thursday the Trump administration said that this plan wasn't actually being considered. But Trump released a deluge of tweets Friday that said otherwise. Trump wants to relocate the migrants being detained at the border to Democratic cities. The plan seems like an attempt to stoke racial tensions nationwide.

Mayor Jenny Durkan penned a response:

Facebook ships VR controllers with sinister messages: Oculus, a Facebook subsidiary, shipped thousands of VR controllers with easter eggs they forgot to scrub from the units. They were messages that said shit like "Big Brother is Watching You" and "The Masons were here." Not exactly the best look for a company dealing with data breaches. Oculus has said it was a mistake.

Dutch fertility doctor used his own sperm: He got 49 new kids. Jan Karbaat, a dead and disgraced Dutch fertility doctor, inseminated women with his own semen without their consent. He was originally taken to court in 2017 by his 49 kids but he wasn't confirmed to be their father until today after the results were released.

The new Star Wars trailer is here:

Brigham Young University students want to fuck and drink coffee without ramifications: The honor code at BYU, the university owned by the Mormon church, is whack and it's something every student has to sign to enroll in classes. You can't drink coffee or wear anything the university would deem promiscuous let alone grind your genitals on another young person consensually without getting into trouble. And not trivial trouble. A BYU student who started speaking up about the Honor Code being bullshit this year had two infractions and was placed on probation, delaying her graduation. Students are fighting to change it.

I wish I loved something this much:

Wait, shit, never mind: The YouTube video the QR code directed to got taken down for copyright infringement.

Have a nice weekend! Oh, and if you're not busy tomorrow night, I'm doing this thing where I'm telling a story about some dark shit that happened while I worked at a Seattle movie theater you may have been to. It's going to be spooky. Or funny. I don't know if I can pull off scary so we'll see what we get. Anyway, I hope to see you there!