You see that stuff on the top of the church there? The roof? Yeah, that doesnt exist anymore. Same with that spire.
You see that stuff on the top of the church there? The roof? Yeah, that doesn't exist anymore. Same with that spire. gbarm/Getty Images

Microsoft unveils new Employee Advocacy Team: Satya Nadella, Microsoft's CEO, sent a letter to the company today to address recent complaints that Microsoft is shitty toward its female employees. Last month, a group of female Microsoft employees detailed in a chain email the harassment, mistreatment, and discrimination they'd faced while working there. So, Microsoft is stepping up. There's going to be an Employee Advocacy Team (whatever that is), inclusivity training for the 16,000 managers, more disciplinary guidelines, and other changes.

Jay qualifies for the Democratic debates: Gov. Jay Inslee has raised around $2.25 million from a variety of donors across the country. That means he can participate in the Democratic National Committee debates in June. Inslee's fundraising falls drastically below frontrunners in the race like Bernie Sanders who has raised $18 million or Kamala Harris' $12 million.

Dead grey whale in Elliot Bay: Here's a video of the Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife towing the 25-foot corpse of a juvenile grey whale to Whidbey Island for a necropsy. The whale was found dead Monday in Elliot Bay, spotted by the Coast Guard Pier. According to officials, the whale appeared skinny.

The federal government is noticing our whale of a problem: The West Coast is going to get some added habitat protections for Pacific Northwest orcas. These increased protections will hopefully stop them from fucking dying all the time. The federal government plans to propose the expanded protections by October.

El Camión in Ballard has to relocate: The taco shop—which is frankly "just okay"—closed its doors for good. Their original location across from Ballard High School was scooped up by developers to build a 5-story apartment building. Don't cry for El Camión, they already have a new location in Ballard. This bitter sign was posted on their door: "The Overlords have decided Ballard needs more apartments, and less tacos.” My favorite part of the original My Ballard article is that the only comment just says, "fewer tacos."

Seattle Central College graffiti being investigated as a hate crime: In late March, someone drew several people hanging from ropes in one of the college's stairwells. Next to it was the phrase "Damn your strange fruit," a reference to a poem written in 1937 in protest of racism and lynchings, it was performed by Billie Holiday. The school's president condemned the graffiti. The Seattle Police Department is investigating.

The guy who threw a kid off the third floor of Mall of America wanted to kill: He had been rejected by the women in the mall and was reportedly "looking for someone to kill." So, he threw a 5-year old boy off the balcony. The suspect, Emmanuel Aranda, 24, has a record with two other assaults at the mall. The boy was thrown 40 feet. He's still alive but has broken bones, head trauma, and is in serious condition.

As you've heard by now, Notre Dame burned today: The blaze was crazy. There's a fuck ton (technical term) of damage. The world is mourning. But! Look at this. The interior isn't a hunk of rubble… yet?

When you frame it like this, it looks a little more dire:

The French are coping:

One for the history books, tragically:

Crazy weather across the country: There was weird shit going on in the skies from Texas to the east coast. There were 17 tornadoes in Texas, Mississippi, Alabama and Ohio over the weekend, according to the New York Times. In the same storm system, snow blanketed the Midwest and heavy rain battered the Northeast. Nine people died.

Julian Assange can't do a kick flip: He can barely even stand on a moving skateboard, according to security camera footage from the Ecuadorian embassy in London obtained by the Spanish paper El Pais. Assange can be seen fumbling the most rudimentary of skate tricks. Apparently the embassy complained about this skateboarding, accusing Assange of ruining the floorboards. Inconsiderate. Meanwhile, Assange was arrested last week. He will not face the death penalty.

Engineers laying water pipe found an unexpected surprise: Twenty-six victims of human sacrifice. Some workers in England accidentally uncovered a burial site from the Iron Age and Roman periods. The skeletons were in unusual positions—one had its hands tied behind its head, another had its skull at its feet. Has to be sacrifice.

This is what Tim Cook wore at Coachella: The CEO of Apple is HIP.

The Mueller report will be released on Thursday: Supposedly. Shall we take bets on how redacted it's going to be?