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My boyfriend and I are both in our mid-forties. We've been dating for eight months and both have children from previous relationships. His daughters are teenagers. Mine starts kindergarten soon. We are planning on moving in together in July, around the one year anniversary mark. I am madly in love with him. He's smart, funny, kind and great in bed. But, he has this thing where he's concerned to the point of paranoid that his kids will hear us having sex. Unless his daughters are at a friend's house for a sleepover, or otherwise out of the house, we don't have PIV sex. We still have sex just about every night I'm with him; he does a great job making me come with his hands and mouth and I do the same for him. But sometimes a girl just wants to get fucked and I'm getting very frustrated with his resistance. I've tried being quiet (the bed squeaks), and using a white noise app (which seems to work, but doesn't alleviate his fear). I've talked to him about how sex is a healthy part of a relationship and that there's nothing wrong with the kids knowing that we have sex. He agrees, says this is something he needs to work on getting comfortable with, but then doesn't change. This is compounded by the fact that his girls' mother is a train wreck who will literally kick the kids out of the house so she can have sex with her new partner.

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I feel like this issue needs to get resolved before I move in. I have no intention of going the next several years only having PIV sex once a week or less. Do you have any suggestions for how I can address this topic with my boyfriend? I'm looking for some words of wisdom.

Wants A Good Fuck

Fuck in the car? Fuck at the office? Fuck in a park? Fuck in the single-seater, gender-neutral restroom of a nearby hipster coffee shop while Jacob Wohl listens at the door? And if the bed squeaks... maybe you could fuck on the floor? Or put the mattress on the floor and get rid of the squeaky bed frame? Or fuck in the shower? Or on the roof? Or in the front yard? You have plenty of non-squeaky-bed PIV options!—Dan

I'm going over there tonight and will suggest all of the above. Starting immediately.—WAGF

In all seriousness, WAGF, your boyfriend's daughters are old enough to know that dad and dad's soon-to-be-live-in girlfriend have sex—and they're old enough to be appropriately grossed out by it and old enough to put in their earbuds and crank up the podcasts. (Or whatever young people are listening to these days.)

Given how their mother has behaved toward those poor kids, i.e. tossing them out of her house when she wants to fuck, your boyfriend may have made a conscious or subconscious decision to position himself as the good, stable, reliable parent, the kind of parent who doesn't screw things up for them by... having sex. As if sex were the problem and not his ex's shitty pre-sex behavior toward her kids.

You two have only been together for eight months and it may take him a little longer to break whatever association he's made between providing his girls with a stable home and reassuring them that that home is stable by refraining from noisily having sex in it. And in the meantime... fuck in the car, the office, the hipster coffee shop, etc.—Dan


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