Let's say, theoretically, I'm a pedophile. I'm not stupid or evil, so I'm not gonna DO anything. I'm not even gonna look at porn, because the production of it involves child exploitation. I don't even look at kids in public places.

So what the fuck should I do? Chemical castration? But I haven't DONE anything and I don't plan to. Am I obliged to tell anyone? Good way to lose friends. Can I keep babysitting my friends' kids when they need a hand? After all, if I were into adult women, people wouldn't see anything wrong with leaving me alone with a couple of those. What the fuck do I do? Live alone and hope Japan starts producing affordable sexbots before I'm too old to care?

You know, theoretically. If I were a pedophile.

Knows It's Wrong

"My heart goes out to people to whom nature has given something as powerful and as distracting as a sex drive and no healthy way to express it," says Dr. James Cantor, a psychologist and the editor in chief of the research journal Sexual Abuse. "Pedophiles are not the only folks in this position, but they are by far the most demonized, regardless of whether they have ever actually caused anyone any kind of harm."

My heart is going out to you, too. As I've written before, we should acknowledge the existence of "good pedophiles," people like you, KIW, who are burdened with a sexual interest in children but who possess the moral sense to resist acting on that interest. It's a lifelong struggle for "good pedophiles," and most manage to succeed without any emotional support—to say nothing of credit—whatsoever.

Unfortunately, science doesn't know much about pedophiles like you, pedophiles who haven't done anything, because the social stigma is so great that most nonoffending pedophiles never seek treatment. And what research has been done, says Cantor, isn't very encouraging if you're looking to free yourself from your attraction to children.

"There is no known way of turning a pedophile into a nonpedophile," says Cantor. "The best we can do is help a person maximize their self-control and to help them build an otherwise happy and productive life."

The psychotherapies that are available, says Cantor, "were designed to assist people who have already committed an offense to prevent a 'relapse.' These therapies have less to provide to people who already have the skills and drive to keep themselves from 'acting out.'" Your best option, according to Cantor, is one you're clearly not too enthused about (and who can blame you?): "Castration, both chemical and physical," says Cantor, "can indeed be used to eliminate or take the edge off one's sex drive."

If castration doesn't "take the edge off" a man's sex drive, I shudder to think what Plan B is. Back to Cantor:

"Nonoffender pedophiles have told me that chemical castration has given them considerable relief," Cantor adds. "So it's unfortunate that we use the term 'chemical castration,' which evokes all kinds of emotions. When you get right down to it, we are talking only about taking the same medication used by, for example, prostate-cancer patients—some cancers are accelerated by testosterone, so blocking testosterone is part of the treatment."

And as for babysitting...

"It is true that a regular heterosexual man is not going to commit an offense against every woman he finds attractive. However, most women are capable of recognizing when an interaction is just starting to go south and of getting out of the situation. Most children are not. So although there is every reason to believe that there exist cats that can successfully be in charge of the canary, it's not a very good idea for the cat to be the one making that call."

So no babysitting for you, KIW—to protect the kids, first and foremost, but yourself as well. If it ever comes out that you are a pedophile and you were in the habit of babysitting-without-touching, your friends are unlikely to take your protestations—you've never touched a child—at face value.

"I wish I had better news," concludes Cantor. "I also wish that more people did good research on this so that one day I could have better news to give."

UPDATE: The unhelpful, uninformed, unhinged reaction by some to last week's column made me want to rerun this column, which was first published almost a decade ago. (The unhelpful/uninformed/unhinged reactions were on Twitter and not in the comment thread.) I reached out to Dr. James Cantor to ask him if there was anything he'd like to add. He wrote back...

The research has continued to advance—it’s now the standard conclusion that pedophilia is neurological and begins to develop before birth—but the basic conclusions are the same. The major change worth plugging is that there is now growing attention and a social media presence for the “virtuous pedophiles.” If the reader who sent in the original question did so today, I’d have sent him directly to his peers at www.virped.org. The support from other people dealing with the same thing and the reminder that they are not actually the only one in the world is invaluable.

Before anyone freaks out the fuck out:

Virtuous Pedophiles is a forum which takes a firm stand against child sexual exploitation of any kind, including viewing child pornography. There are a number of pedophile organizations in the world, but most of them are either unclear about their attitude towards sexual contact with children or actively campaign to lower age-of-consent laws and to legalize sexual acts with children or child pornography. Virtuous Pedophiles instead accepts these laws and aims to help pedophiles "lead happy, productive and law-abiding lives."

Virtuous Pedophiles operates an online support group for pedophiles "committed to avoiding having sexual contact with children." Social isolation and despair are often—but not always—contributing factors when pedophiles offend against children. Directing non-offending pedophiles to the kind of resources and support that can prevent them from offending is not "pro-pedophilia." It is pro-child.