Recent Savage Love Letters of the Day: A question from the Pedo Files; reader followed Dan's advice for first-time anal and it didn't work out (spoiler: reader didn't actually follow Dan's advice); his boyfriend became his slave and now he misses his boyfriend; the good D cheated—should she offer him an open relationship? And, as always, last week's column and Savage Lovecast.

First, some advice for "poly folk":

I really appreciated your statement in this week's column: "Well, sometimes Person A tells Person B what Person A knows Person B wants to hear regarding Topic X in the hopes that Person B will feel differently about Topic X after the passage of time or after Person B has made a large emotional investment in Person A."

Does that make Person A a manipulative shit? Those few who do it consciously are, but for the unconscious, I prefer to say... they're mere mortals. Does it make Person B destined to continue to risk becoming emotionally invested in people who will disrespect her boundaries? This isn't only an issue for ENM folks, it's a general point. But EMN folks get lots of opportunities to get good at handling their boundaries. I've seen some restrict their dating pool to "experienced" ENM folks. That's a legitimate choice, but I feel it's too disempowering.

But what I recommend this person B do, going forward, is to never again agree to temporary monogamy at the start of her relationships. She could choose to be transparently dating others from the very start. Unless she is being a Person A also. Which is understandable, but not recommended.

We had a weed question on this week's Lovecast...

Regarding the women who needs to get high to have penetrative sex. Weed lube! You don’t have to get high but your vagina can. There are some amazing brands you can get at your local dispensary. The only way I can orgasm during sex. Enjoy!

Don't know if weed lube will solve her problem—her workplace does random drug tests and the THC in weed lube presumably goes into her system, not just her vag—but whatever helps.

Regarding the reader who wanted to watch his partner have sex with other men but didn't want to be called a "cuck" (because he's not into humiliation)...

Even though the request was kink-oriented, but this seems like a good time to share another good word: compersion. Essentially, the opposite of jealousy. The older I get, the more convinced I am that our culture’s rigid rules about monogamy are a central cause of relationship woes. I think that simply knowing that healthy, responsible, joyful polyamory exists in the world will help ease some of the pressure and misery in everyone’s relationships.

Some advice the reader who may or may not—theoretically—be a pedophile:

I wanted to share my experience with KIT, for whatever it's worth: My boyfriend has undiagnosed hypogonadism, probably a result of a fever he had as a baby that wrecked his whole body. He's hairless but for some sparse patches, thin and lanky like a teenager, and doesn't have a deep voice. Even his parents joke that he hasn't changed since he was 12 although he's almost 30. I'm intensely attracted to him and that puts me in kind of the opposite situation as KIT. He's an adult that looks like a child and I've had to change my ideas of what's ok to get turned on by in order to be with him. I know I'm not attracted to children, but my boyfriend looks like one and I'm attracted to him.

So I thought, maybe KIT could try finding love with someone who has hypogonadism? It's not too different than amputee fetishists looking for their physical ideal. And if he's just a normal guy otherwise, he can focus on being monogamous with his one, hopefully GGG love, and then the problem of his sexual wiring is reduced to the problem of being monogamous. It's a long shot, but it's hope, right?

Regarding Best Friend's Dad...

I have to say, I was a little shocked to see you come to the conclusion of "I would err on the side of protecting even a hypothetical child" based entirely on someone's social media "likes." Think about it... the letter writer offered you two pieces of "evidence": that the father might be gay and that he might be a pedophile, because he likes or follows gay men and young boys. I'm pretty sure I could dig through your social media and find people you follow/posts you have liked that "suggest" the same. Is this really a reasonable standard? I don't think so. I really doubt you're a pedophile, but given your social media history...

Hm... I'm not following any children on Instagram or Twitter—some eye candy, sure, and I love me some ballet boys and some kinky boys. But I don't follow any prepubescent or very-recently-pubescent children.

Speaking of Instagram... some feedback from a previous Lovecast guest regarding a recent call from a woman experiencing pain during penetration came via Instagram:

@pelvichealthsf Difficulty with or the inability to tolerate penetrative sex is something patients report to me on a daily basis. I was glad that @dansavage shared a call from someone reporting this issue. It is very common! Outside of dilators, that caller would benefit from seeing a pelvic floor PT. Getting a physical examination may help create a more individualized treatment plan and determine if other things are contributing to her difficulty with penetration. A sex therapist may also be a good provider for her to consult with as well. Also, the @ohnutco which helps vary the depth of penetration may be a good tool for her to try. Either way, I’d strongly recommend consulting with a provider to help her achieve her goal of penetrative intercourse!!

An older listener wonders why we don't get calls from more first-wave boomers...

I am a 70-year-old man. Definitely heterosexual. And I am enjoying a very nice love life with my 63-year-old new girlfriend. Wondering why are there no great engaging calls from my age group? I use injections to make my old man penis respond and I perform cunnilingus until she screams. Just saying. My generation, male or female, does not share. I hate your politics and you lie a lot. You do not speak facts. Just saying.

When I started reading your letter I was going to say, "Well, maybe by age 70 most people have their shit sorted," but by the time I got to the end of your letter... yeah... my mind had changed. And I'm not going to address your ridiculous assertions—non-monogamy wasn't invented in SF in 1995—just going to move along...

On a weighty topic...

I've always respected you for acknowledging inconvenient truths. So when the prof noted that ”dropping 20 pounds might help her dating prospects," I was stunned that you said it's not true. There's about nothing truer in the straight dating world, except perhaps that taller men have better prospects. (Yes, it shouldn't be true; yes, plenty of heavy women find partners; yes, the prof should absolutely keep his mouth shut; blah, blah, blah). Please, keep telling it like it is, not as you hope it should be.

And a video recommendation for people who 1. have ten minutes to kill and 2. were fascinated by the question in this week's column from the person who wanted to induce itchy anus...

ITCH reminded me of this video...

Okaaaaay... we're going to leave it there. I hope everyone has a great weekend. See you Monday!