Gday? No. Gbye.
G'day? No. G'bye. GETTY IMAGES

Slog PM tonight is brought to you by a little development: Tonight is my last Slog PM. I'll still be around at The Stranger but as the city council race heats up and election season descends upon us (there really is nothing we can do about this) my skills (unsure what these are but have been told they exist) are needed elsewhere. So click my byline from time to time if you miss me and my exhaustive use of parentheticals.

I am stale and old just like my Rancho Bravo quesadilla from lunch. Now you cant miss me because I made you look at this gross photo.
I am stale and old just like my Rancho Bravo quesadilla from lunch. Now you can't miss me because I made you look at this gross photo. Nathalie Graham

Slog PM is sticking around too! It's going to be run by our very own digital editor Chase Burns who frequently writes about cocksucking and cats. Also, Timothy will still be writing AM in the morning and I'll still be editing him (email me if you see a typo, but actually please don't) and compiling the newsletter (which you should read and subscribe to at the bottom of this post!). Okay, I'll miss you and this forum. But it's not goodbye! Just see you later! Like, on Monday! Thanks for letting me give you your news.

I didn't know about this spring tradition: Apparently, the first shipment of Copper River salmon to Seattle is a big, whopping deal. A plane dubbed the "Salmon-Thirty-Salmon" (did you cringe too or am I a fun-hating asshole?) carried 18,000 pounds of fish to SeaTac airport Friday from Cordova, Alaska. There will be about 50,000 more pounds delivered. That plane must have smelled terrible. But probably not as terrible as this plane.

The mussel-sniffing puppy: Look out, invasive species! Puddles, the two-year-old Jack Russell terrier mix, is specially trained to sniff out invasive marine life on boats going through inspection sites. Quagga and zebra mussels are her specialty. Puddles is the newest team member for the Department of Fish and Wildlife. Okay, also, I don't want to ruffle any feathers here, but I think she might be the cutest team member too. If any DFW employees disagree, send me a picture to prove you're the cutest.

The weekend in Cure songs: Our weather service has a sense of humor.


J17 is dying: She's a matriarch of the southern resident orca pod. And she's got peanut head. That means she's so malnourished that the blubber around her head is starting to cave inwards. New photos detail her declining health. There are only 75 southern resident orcas left.

Forget Pokémon Go, try Minecraft Earth! Microsoft is getting in on the reality-bending apps. It's called Minecraft Earth. My brothers are gonna die. I have tried throughout my life to learn as little about Minecraft as I possibly can and I'm happy to say that I know pretty much nothing about Minecraft. But, I do know that it's coming to smartphones. The game sounds pretty neat: people can collect real-life items, go on quests together, and build shit with teamwork. Sure seems like a blast. Wake me up when the Harry Potter app comes out.

Boeing is blaming the pilots of the doomed planes: And it's not sitting well. Ethiopian Airlines, the airline of one of the doomed 737 MAX 8's, claimed that Boeing was only doing so to draw attention away from themselves. Ethiopian Airlines defended its pilots and their training and used the fact that the world had grounded Boeing's plane as proof that hey, maybe the pilots weren't the problem.

Next stop, Westworld: Damn, HBO's Westworld must be set really far in the future if this is the peak of robot technology right now. I'm fine with that. Sorry if I offended you, Atla. Please don't murder me when iRobot plays out for real.


A Portland hero: A Portland high school football coach, and former wide receiver at the Univerisity of Oregon, tackled an armed suspect at Parkrose High School. He wrestled the gun away. When police arrived there wasn't much for them to do. My dad emailed me this news story. He loves Oregon football. Look, dad, I read your email!

Clogged toilet causes NYC subway delays: The tower operator that controls the switches for the trains had to run to the bathroom. But, the bathroom in the tower has been clogged for three days! So this operator had to run down to the station itself (gasp) to answer nature's call. While the operator was indisposed, NYC Transit had to divert trains.

Startup where you can test your shit plagued by controversy: uBiome, something I have never heard of until just now, is a startup that really emphasizes your microbiome. It gives you an at-home poop test to see if your gut is up to snuff. Except, uBiome told customers that insurance companies would foot the bill and a lot of times they didn't and the bill was thousands of dollars. Also, the co-founder, Jessica Richman, lied about her age to reporters multiple times. Here's an excerpt:


A Trump plan to send thousands of migrants to Florida: Namely, two Democratic strongholds in Florida. Customs and Border Protection hasn't officially declared the plan, but Florida officials are panicking over a plan that would send hundreds of immigrants a week to two counties in the Sunshine State. They haven't been equipped with any necessary resources. Even Republican representatives and Trump allies are questioning the move. According to law enforcement, this would start in the next two weeks.

Maine doesn't want any more racist mascots: Maine, the state notorious for lobster and being Stephen King's favorite setting for novels, just became the first state to pass a law prohibiting the use of Native American mascots in all public schools, colleges, and universities.

Koalas are on the brink of total extinction in Australia: The term to describe Australia's koala population is "functionally extinct." That means that though there are 80,000 koalas still kicking it down under there aren't enough breeding adults to support the next generation. Scientists believe that a new disease spreading would be all it takes to wipe them all out.

What should win headline of the week?

This: Sea otters are bouncing back - and into the jaws of great white sharks

OR

This: Swarm of bees follows grandmother's car for over 24 hours attempting to rescue their queen

This queen also needs help: Any tech-savvy youths up for the job??