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No cookies for you. Photo by Aaron P. Bernstein/Getty Image; Cookie Emoji by Me

Feed me to the dirt, daddy: "Human composting" has been officially signed into law! Currently, Washington only allows burial and cremation, but starting May 1, 2020, Washingtonians can choose the environmentally-friendly option of being turned into soil. Stranger's Katie Herzog has an interview with Katrina Spade, the designer planning on opening "Recompose Seattle," a funeral home offering recomposition, here. I bet this is great news for people who have formicophilia ("a sexual interest in being crawled on or nibbled by insects," as Savage has put it).

No cookies for Ben Carson: Not until he can properly describe what an R.E.O. is. In case you forgot, this man is the United States Secretary of Housing and Urban Development.

Also in case you forgot, Stranger readers voted in 2018 that Ben Carson is more fuckable than Betsy DeVos and less fuckable than Jared Kushner. TBH I'd fuck Ben Carson.

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Mayor Durkan isn't the only rich person with an auto industry fetish: Jeff Bezos, Seattle's best bookseller, is also doubling down on automobile projects. He's "very excited" about the technological advances happening in the auto industry, and has been investing in multiple auto startups this year, reports GeekWire. With one-day shipping, Amazon is rushing to solve the "delivery conundrum" and has been investing in autonomous robots and freight services.

Here's another way to solve Amazon's delivery conundrum: Gaming! The Washington Post has a great piece on the recent gamification of Amazon's warehouses. Basically, employees are playing Tetris against each other, but with real boxes. There are prizes—"Swag Bucks"—and employees don't seem to hate it. “Anything to reduce the drudgery, even the smallest amount, is going to give a bump to workers’ happiness," said one gamification expert. Bleak.

Meanwhile, Bernie's going to Walmart: He'll appear at the company's June 5 annual meeting to introduce a proposal filed by a Walmart employee, Cat Davis, that would grant hourly Walmart employees a seat on the company's board. It is not expected to pass.

There was a #StopTheBans rally for abortion rights this afternoon at Seattle City Hall:

The vapers are mad: Gov. Inslee signed a $52.4 billion two-year state budget today. He also signed a new tax on vape products (that will fund public health programs!!!), but vape shop owners aren't fucking happy about it. There's been a big hullaballoo over this new sin tax, which The Stranger's Rich Smith covered recently. Look at this picture via Austin Jenkins with the NW News Network:


Bye, bye Viaduct:

Your favorite conservative hot-take blog, Crosscut, serves it to you every week: Columnist John Carlson asks the question, "Should we really be putting kids in gun free zones—and advertising it?" I believe he's arguing gun-free school zones make kids less safe because the bad guys with guns will want to shoot gun-free school zones first. Remember Columbine? That was a gun-free zone and look what happened there! I couldn't make it through the piece—I grew up in rural Idaho, I get this gist—but I love supporting local media. Maybe you can make it through the piece. Let me know your takeaway. My takeaway is that John Carlson once insinuated Dan Savage was a pedophile.

More fuckery: KOMO is having their Seattle Is Dying townhall...

EVEN MORE FUCKERY: Big snow storms are hitting Colorado. In May! Before moving to Seattle I lived in Minneapolis for six years, so I'm aware that a May storm isn't an entirely unusual weather event. But with all these unusual weather events happening at once 20 inches of snow in May sure feels fishy. Maybe something is up with our climate. Just a guess?

More storms are coming: This time for the Storm. Sue Bird, Seattle's own WNBA all-star, will be out "for at least two months," reports the Seattle Times, due to a knee injury. She has to get a "loose body" removed from her left knee. Not sure what that means—I'm not a doctor I'm a blogger—but it reminds me of this scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding:

Headline of the week: "As Amazon Opens the Cash Spigot to Flip the Council, These Candidates Say, 'Yes, Daddy!'" We wrote it.