I’m going to sound pretty arrogant but I know my value on the open market. I’m 44, Black, well-educated, and pretty jacked. (I spend a solid three hours lifting almost every day.) I get laid a lot, but I’m more marriage-minded these days. I’ve had three significant relationships but I’m a 5’6” Black top & I sincerely adore buff bottom guys who are shorter than me. And even though I don’t entertain advances from tall guys, I get pursued by tall guys whenever I leave the house—especially at the gym. It's such a weird paradox that I have trouble even meeting guys shorter than me because I know they exist. But it seems like all the 6’5” guys are drawn to my lil pit bull physique. A lot of friends tell me to just give these tall guys a chance but I have in the past and it always ends poorly. Short guys are always down for a solid pounding but I am truly so over random hookups. So the question is... hold out for my physically ideal Mighty Mouse or surrender to one of these Towering Infernos?

I’m not 100% sure I did this right. I guess I’m supposed to create a pseudonym? Sign me...

Whatever

P.S. The only thing weirder than me writing to an advice column is that a straight buddy of mine raves about Savage Love endlessly.

It's like this, W...

Every relationship you're ever gonna be in is gonna end—and many will end poorly—until one doesn't, W, and it's impossible to predict which relationship will last* based on superficialities like height. So don't attach too much meaning to the fact that none of your relationships with tall guys have "worked out" in the together-forever-and-ever-after since of "working out." So far none of your relationships—or hookups—with shorter guys have "worked out" either and you haven't given up on them, right? (And, excuse me, but what gym are you going to? There are tons of short, buff guys at my gym.)

A guy can tick all your boxes and want to date you and the relationship can end for reasons that have nothing to do with height or sexual compatibility. You could meet your Mighty Mouse physical ideal and it can fall apart because he wants kids and you don't or he wants an open relationship and you don't or he wants to move to Miami and you don't wanna drown.

And sometimes people surprise you—I mean, look around. How many of your friends are happily partnered with guys who weren't exactly what they wanted and/or thought they wanted? I know bottoms who are married bottoms and make it work. (They take turns topping, they rush order double-headed dildos from Amazon Prime on weeknights, they rush order very special guest stars off Grindr on weekends.) I know guys who wanted tall guys and wound up with short guys and guys who wanted twinks and wound up with bears and guys who wanted kinky guys and wound up with vanilla guys... and they've all managed to make it work.

You say you're "marriage minded." Well, settling down often—always—requires some settling for.

The only criteria you mentioned is height. But if given a choice between a good, loving, and supportive Towering Inferno and a bad, vindictive, and petty Mighty Mouse, W, I would hope you'd choose the Towering Inferno. It's fine to a have a physical ideal but anyone who holds out for their physically ideal—and gay men seem particularly prone to this—risks winding up frustrated, bitter, and alone. You'll have better luck if you make an effort to be what you want your bottoms to be: flexible and open.

P.S. Tell your straight buddy I said hello and thanks for talking up my column!

P.P.S. You do sound kinda arrogant—but anyone who lists their relevant advantages/value points in a short letter is gonna come across as arrogant. Still, I hope you have more to offer than advanced degrees and a jacked body, W, just as I hope whatever guy you wind up with has more to offer than tight hole and a max height of 5'5".

* Even the ones that "last" end eventually, of course, because we are all doomed to die.