True, disclosure is only going to end things with someone you didn't want to hook up with anyway.

When disclosing, stress, "I rarely squirt when I climax, but in case it's one of those rare times, I'd be more relaxed if we did this on a towel or three." so he isn't disappointed if you don't squirt.

You'll get very few post-disclosures refusals and actually far more guys will try harder to blow your mind/pussy to make it happen.

Yep, count me in the group that would be happy to encounter this. Both my wife and girlfriend squirt, both think it is super hot, as do I, and when they both do it at the same time? Holy fuck! I'm only too happy to wash the sheets.

I’ve only had one GF who REALLY squirted (like, soak the sheets drown the dog kinda spray) and it was a total surprise to me. It would have been considerate to have had a literal “heads up!” beforehand as it took a while to dry that mattress out. I would have been happy to lay down a couple layers of towels to afford a drier night’s sleep. Plus, this was in my younger days and I never even knew that some sex might be akin to bringing a fully turned on garden hose to bed, so I was a bit nonplussed. Forewarned is forearmed!

I'd be more worries about disclosing and then having it not happen and my partner worrying that they did something wrong or that they weren't very good in bed. So if it were me I'd probably say occasionally this happens but not all the time, just a heads up(or covered in a rain slicker).

I agree with @4. I would be temped to just let it fly. Just make a lot of noise, breathe heavy, and 99% of all guys will consider themselves lucky, if not gifted. I'm not saying you should go this route, but if you said "Oh my, that has never happened to me before -- you are fantastic", most men would be on cloud nine. Guys are basically kinky, and feeling like they did something special for their woman makes them ecstatic. Knowing that they can do it again will make them happy, even it is is a bit messy. (Most guys really don't mind being messy).

Should you disclose? Sure.
Do you really need rubber sheets? Surely squirt doesn't instantly permeate your fitted sheet and bed pad and get instantly into the mattress, does it? Worse case scenario you toss em in the wash?

But I mean yeah, if you are a squirter, why wouldn't you want to be proactive? It just seems like, garden variety courteousness. Do people not like squirters or kick them out of bed?

Side point: Dan's advocacy for squirting is pretty strong - he's had squirting experts on his show, hypes "teach me how to squirt" events, but curiously, when a guy called in to ask about how he could ejaculate more, Dan told him that his idea was stupid and that his desire was only inspired by porn. Odd dichotomy there.

Most of the answers so far have been 'yay, squirting!'--which is how I would expect lovers to feel about their partner having that skill (or capacity). I thought the letter was ostensibly about squirting and possibly more about something else--how the LW could have sex (great, squirt-y sex) with this guy more than a few times a year, or just sex with anyone else more often. Because you, because anyone, wants to squirt--yes? The LW knows the answer is 'use your words', or else go out and ask for sex--be clear you're looking for sex, or for a relationship. But she couldn't even bring herself to phrase the question--perhaps? The schtick about 'ooh, men will be icked out if I confess to squirting' seemed to me a little disingenuous.

As a woman with this ability, I always disclose. I have to...we're talking puddles, not wet spots! I don't like to surprise people with that. I'll simply mention to a prospective hookup that I sometimes (usually) squirt and ask if they're ok with it. Most guys seem to love it. The only negative reaction I've ever received was from my ex-husband. He thought it was gross...one of many reasons he's my ex.

Hottest sex of my life* was an ex-gf who was a squirter. We washed a lot of towels, and even at that the mattress had to be tossed out. No regrets.

*irrelevant but hotter: she also was a screamer and could have multiple orgasms from PIV. Also, hotterer: the first time we had sex, her then-bf was also on the bed watching. Their idea.

I've yet to have a partner not be thrilled that I squirt. I can't imagine anyone being upset or freaked out by the news, especially now that porn has made more people aware of it. There are two issues that I think you need to address: the fact, for the uninitiated, that you're not peeing yourself (and your partner), and the possibility of ruining the mattress or at least making getting a good and dry night's sleep impossible if you didn't prepare. The second of the two is the more practical and the easier to address.

And @6: Sportlandia, yes, with the amount of liquid that I, or many of us squirters produce, it is a matter of permeating the sheet and mattress pad and soaking the mattress. Since I know that that is a possibility, it is a real dickish thing to not either disclose or take steps to protect the mattress beforehand--and even a stack of towels is no good: they'll just get soaked and the fluid goes right on through to drench the bedding and the mattress.

Here's what I do/would counsel:
1) Get at least one mattress-protecting pad or sheet. I like the throw by Liberator (https://www.liberator.com/fascinator-throw.html) also available from Amazon), and before I ever start getting close to squirting, I have it out and on my bed--usually, before the date starts, if I know that's where it's going to end up. Then, if it's the first time with a partner and it's at your house, you can disclose or not, but at least the mattress is protected.

2) Have a second throw in the car (they're great for sitting/picnicking on damp ground, too), so you can bring it with you to a new partner's house, if that's where you'll be. Or a hotel. Or the car. Or . . .

You'll definitely want to disclose then. I mean, you're bringing protection, so you should be able to do that without worry. You can say, "so, when I'm really turned on (or if my lover is really talented), I frequently squirt. I don't want to mess up your bed (or /my/ bed, if you are at your own place), so I'm just going to put this down first." I can't imagine who could possibly object.

Make sure to phrase it that this happens when you are really aroused and/or the sex is really good, stress that you don't suffer from incontinence, and make sure to protect whichever bed you're using. Have fun!

I've kept a throw at a boyfriend's house, and had one for my house and if we're going away for a weekend or know that we'll likely have sex on someone else's mattress, we bring one with us.

We replaced our mattresses not too long ago and purchased waterproof covers for the new ones. We bought one utopia and one warmtex. Best thing to do is get one, and have your first few encounters with someone new at your house. I agree also with David's advice above to keep it chill when you disclose. Everything NoCute said also.

@Dan: Weird: I was just thinking about Same Time Next Year the other day.
Also, is the letter's headline a reference to "Suddenly Seymour," from Little Shop of Horrors?
Musical Theater fans need to know.

I had a same-time-next-year romance with the sexiest (to me) man in Paris. It was great for both of us, even though we spent very little time together over the many years we carried on. I haven't been back to Paris for several years, and he mainly lives in the south of France now, so it may be over, but - maybe not, we'll see. We still exchange fond notes now and then. He's grey and chubby now, and somehow still very, very sexy.

A question for the squirters. Is squirting something that you can't help doing when you orgasm (like ejaculating)? Or can you consciously decide to squirt or not squirt in the moment?

@14 I can only speak for myself but it's a bit more complicated than that. I squirt about 50% of the time. It takes the right combination of arousal and stimulation for squirting to happen. I can also have an orgasm where I don't squirt and I can squirt without having an orgasm. That said, if I feel like a squirting orgasm is about to happen, the only way to keep from squirting is to stop that stimulation and not have an orgasm. I can't "decide" whether or not to squirt in the moment. It just happens when certain stimuli are applied.

I thought I would throw in my 2 cents since I am a (cis, het, mid-30s female) squinter too. I disclose but I don't make a big deal out of it. Usually there is a point where the two (or more!) of you are discussing things that turn you on and at this point I just ask, "So, how do you feel about squirting?" Most of the time the response is something like, "That is so fucking hot! How do we make that happen?"

There has only been one guy who was definitely NOT into it. It was when I was young (20-21) and the first time that I squirted so his reaction was really a negative experience for me. He kept going on an on how it looked like someone spilled a gallon of milk on his bed and how he needed to clean everything. I had never squirted before and didn't really know what happened, so I apologized and offered to help him clean up. Then, I was so weirded out and felt so shamed by his reaction that it took approximately 10 years for me to be comfortable enough to have an orgasm again. It took me reaching my 30s and learning more about squirting in general to not worry about it any more. It turns out that every lover I have had since has been into it and I was just unlucky to have encountered this guy during the early part my sexual experience.

So, don't worry! Relax, disclose, and if he is not into it then move along. As others have written already, anyone who has a strongly negative reaction to isn't someone you want to have sex with anyway. That being said, from my own experience, I suspect that the guy will more than likely be into it. Just put down some extra towels and blankets, then commence with the sexy times!

I have never had a partner who squirts, but would want to know what to expect and how to keep things reasonably dry. I also enjoy 69, and almost always, I am on my back with my partner resting on top of me. That is not a position in which one can easily move. So I might want to experience her squirting once or twice in a different position before seeing how it might be to have my face directly against her body when she squirts.

As for your disclosure, don’t treat this information like you’re giving a cancer diagnosis, but something fun and sexy, which just requires a bit of planning.

If true, it is hard to believe that NASA knows more about the chemical composition of the surface of Pluto than medical professionals know about women’s sexual fluids.

First thing is not to feel shame about it yourself :)
After that, what the others said! I squirt a lot too, so that towels are not enough, but I own three liberator throws and will take one with me to orgies or first dates at his house. I spread it out saying, you’ll soon understand, with a wink, and they generally either do or ask. Indeed most men find it exciting. I did have one lover however who, while protesting he loved it, actually lost his erection instantly if I squirted while doing PIV, which was unfortunate... but if a man doesn’t like it, we’re clearly not compatible, and that’s fine.
To me it’s not exciting as such, just something my body does and that if I try to control it (even unconsciously, when I know it’s mot the right time to get wet) my pleasure will diminish massively, as someone said in the thread. So I prefer to lay the throw and know I can just let go... and I do enjoy it when a man finds it turns him on :)

RE @14: I had one relationship in which I squirted. A particular technique the guy used with his fingers. I've never been able to replicate it, even describing it to partners since, and I have tried! So no, I can't help it--I couldn't "turn it off" with him, is what I mean--but at the same time it requires (for me) very very specific stimuli. I've had tons of happy orgasms since, some with quite similar stimuli, but no squirting.

That said, I don't really miss it. The guy in question really liked that he could "do that to me" and tended to do it, I felt, too much--he could sort of force it when I wasn't even fully aroused, or when I had already come several times, and it almost hurt. It also felt good and I was young so I didn't talk to him as explicitly about cutting that out or backing off a bit as I would now. But it did sort of sour me on the experience, so I am not too sad that it never happens anymore, although the first few lovers I had after (to whom I disclosed) were sad that it never happened with them. I no longer disclose since it seems to have been a one-dude-only deal.

ciods @19 "A particular technique the guy used with his fingers. I've never been able to replicate it, even describing it to partners since, and I have tried!"

Now I wonder if you can you make yourself squirt while masturbating?

a few thoughts reading through the comments...

@10 great idea having multiple fascinators. One for the car? genius. We have had them before and the idea of using them at a music festival or picnic just to stay dry from the ground is a new idea to me and I like it. Just last night my wife asked me to buy a new one since we literally wore the old one out.

The fascinators are truly amazing..one cuddly side one silky side with a membrane in the middle. You can dump a bucket of whatever liquid you prefer on one and it won't soak through. I will say that eventually with enough washes the membrane did break down, and then it was just basically a blanket.

We are also big fans of waterproof mattress covers for those times where it happens more in the moment.

I can also attest to the fact that it isn't tied directly to having an orgasm, sometimes it happens and they tell me that is awesome, but not always. My wife can make herself squirt now pretty much on demand, and she's gotten pretty good at timing things so she can have an orgasm and squirt at the same time. When she does it is ON! She's not nearly done.

Re: 69ing while the gal on top is squirting...kind of an acquired taste (pun intended) I guess. If the volume is significant it is pretty much like waterboarding, it is going to get in your eyes, up your nose, you are going to choke on it, and I love it all the same. The messier and nastier sex is the better as far as I'm concerned, just leave me exhausted, sweaty, and drenched!

Apparently tons of guys love it. I'd be cool with it.

Just put giant towels over some kind of waterproof tarp or something. I would not be thrilled to needlessly suddenly have the surprise of having to do a bunch of loads of laundry or get a new mattress every time.

Personally I like to pee first if I can. And, er, from what I've read...maybe it would reduce volume if squirters did too? Or if the couple would like extra volume, drink a half gallon of water before.

Reg Eur: Like ciods, I find it is tied to a specific thrusting at the right angle, and I have partners who consider it a sign of their skills if they can make me do it. I can't stop it once they do whatever it is that brings it on. I can orgasm without squirting, and I have squirted with a more mild, sort of rolling orgasm. But sometimes it comes along with a strong orgasm.

It is more associated with the G-spot, so as far as 69 goes, it's not going to be an issue, which is a relief to me and probably to any of my partners. For whatever reason, I don't ever squirt while masturbating, probably because I don't incorporate g-spot stimulation in my masturbation practice.

I try to pee before anything sexual starts, to minimize the amount of urine in the fluid, but with the partners who really get off on making me squirt and who like things messy, I pee to get rid of excess or strong urine, and then drink a couple of liters of water before.

For the women who have mentioned the one-off lovers who shamed them: I'm sorry you had those experiences. As a guy who has discussed this with friends, I've only ever heard two reactions: overwhelmingly positive or neutral. Most men think it's hot. There's no need to dread mentioning it.

I squirt and I can soak through multiple layers of folded towels. What's been a life saver for me is my sex blanket from www.nomorewetspots.com (I don't work for them & am not affiliated with them in anyway, I just really love my blanket from them). My 3 current partners (yay poly!) all think the squirting is super hot.

I don't squirt, but I do think it's associated with the gspot stimulation mentioned above. For myself, if I'm on top or in a position that gets me a lot of depth and then there is a lot of pounding, I can start to feel the build up to an orgasm. I always stop this for two reasons- one because it also hurts a little and two because it makes me feel like I'm going to pee. I've sometimes wondered if I continued this if it would lead to squirting? But the feeling is more unpleasant than pleasant and I'd rather just have an orgasm without that sensation. I don't know if this is what the build up to squirting feels like- sometimes I think I'll try and find out just for curiosity's sake, but in the moment it's too unpleasant. Also I've never heard women who squirt describe it as feeling like they are going to pee, so I think it might be a different sensation altogether??

I'm going to be the oddball here...

I LOVE that film. It is a great film and Alan Alda and Ellen Burstyn are superb.

@23 I always pee first, too; despite which I still often squirt enough that it would soak through towels... there’s a French study somewhere that says it’s because the bladder of squirrels actually fills up to sexual stimulation, even if it was empty in the first place (!)

@27 That's exactly what squirting feels like. Some women like it, some don't. Some don't think they'll like up but they do after trying. Either way, don't beat yourself up about it. If you think you want to try, just rest assured that's what's going on, for peace of mind. :)

CC @ 28 - I no longer feel so lonely in my appreciation of Same Time Next Year! But if I knew you were comin', I'd 've baked a cake.

@27- You're spot on. I had never squirted before (20 years of sexual activity) and only recently did this year. My partner was working my g spot pretty vigorously, and then I was using a toy on my clit that is generally too much for me. I was getting frustrated cause I was at that point that sometimes happens where I keep feeling like I'm going to orgasm and then it disappears (kind of like what happens when you're trying to orgasm again too soon without enough refractory..where you feel close but just can't get there).. anyway, I was getting frustrated though it was my first orgasm of the day... and I decided to just push past that unpleasant/uncomfortable feeling and see if that got me there. So I kept letting the partner go at it, and I kept with the fairly direct and unrelenting clitoral stimulation...and pretty soon, viola. My first squirt. Like you, I had previously felt that 'lead up" feeling- but always wanted to back off because I found it fairly uncomfortable.

Once I pushed through it, I found the orgasm most pleasant. I got this brain tingle (don't know how else to describe it) that was most akin to how I hear people describe their reactions to ASMR. Since then, I haven't really tried to do it again, and I'm not super interested in it being a regular thing because of the work + lead up discomfort. shrugs

Thanks guys, that's really interesting and increases my certainty that this is what is happening. I'm not beating myself up about it- just curious. I don't think I'll push through it since I orgasm very easily other ways without the unpleasantness. Unless one day curiosity just really gets the better of me! Interestingly, I cannot stand ASMR either. Especially the lip smacking or saliva sounds. Really have to turn it off instantly. But like qapla, I might give it a try once at least b/c life is short and why not, right? Anyway, thanks again.

Logistically, maybe have sex with people at your place the first time, where you already have the rubber sheets on the bed and don't otherwise have to worry about water damage to or stains on (if your ejaculate stains things in the first place) THEIR stuff. You still probably don't want to slow-roll the "I'm a squirter" disclosure, but you can decouple it from the "therefore you need additional items/prep work" part to potentially make it seem like a less daunting prospect until you've established that you're into each other enough to make a relationship with you worth the effort (it's not even necessarily additional effort - all people require some sorts of accommodations from their partners, and yours happen to include accommodations to deal with a sifnificant volume of ejaculate, potentially forcefully expelled).

To counter the sentiment that EVERYONE LOVES SQUIRTING YAY!!! - I'd expect that I'd find it neutral to negative. Not deal-breaking negative, but requires-additional-labor-I-wouldn't-otherwise-have-to-perform negative, like if I produced 8 fl oz of pre-ejaculate fluid or semen during a typical sexual encounter (or ever - so far I've never come close on either count). I find squirting neither sexy nor squicky, and I'd very much appreciate a warning beforehand (as well as any suggestions about how to deal with whatever fluid volume we're talking about).

I can't imagine someone rejecting you for being a squinter unless they;re a neat freak or have an aversion to bodily fluids. I love squirters...women or men. Combine with with some nasty talk of other loud vocalizations accompanying orgasm...um, um, um! So the problem isn't the woman's, it's the uptight partner.

I'm now thinking that a "squirting orgasm" for women could be something like a "prostate orgasm" for men. I heard that such a thing exists, but I never experienced it, because I don't like my prostate being touched. It's not arousing to me, it just feels like I need to pee or poop. Maybe if I soldier on through the unpleasantness I could reach orgasm that way. Not going to try that though, "normal" penis-induced orgasms without any unpleasantness are good enough for me.

Dan, dude. A couple towels isn’t enough, please realize that that’s like expecting a towel to keep the bottom of your shower dry while turning on the tap. I would look for the hospital incontinence under pads. Those are a much better barrier to keep your bed, couch or kitchen island dry when you have the privilege of a “squirter.”

(As an aside squirting is a terrible term since it does not evoke the actual event. Squirting is what men do when they orgasm, women who are capable of this can soak you with some unexpected force and volume.)

LW at any rate, congratulations on unlocking this next gen level orgasm. Don’t waste your time with men who wouldn’t love to enjoy this side of your sexuality!

RE @20: "Now I wonder if you can you make yourself squirt while masturbating?"

Nope, never could. Something about the way I have to curve myself in order to get my fingers inside my own body changes my interior angles enough that I can't hit the same spot (possibly also my fingers are too short, although they are long for a girl). He also used a palm-up position, fingers inside and sort of curling up-and-out in a "come here" way, which is quite difficult to do to yourself!