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Recent Savage Love Letters of the Day: He got invited over for sex by a hot woman but there was another dude there so he passed—does that make him a homophobe? She meets guys online and gets to know them via text but she only wants to fuck guys with deep voices—what should tell all the tenors she has to reject? Her husband gets off on forced feminization and that was fine but now he's running around involving strangers in his kink tell everyone she ordered him to—what should she do? And, as always, this week's Savage Love and this week's Savage Lovecast.

First up, some thoughts on "pussy" as a synonym for "weak" and a little moral support for SHATBED...

Dan, for your last point to SHATBED, you are 100% correct. I have done numerous harsh things to pussies (in the consensual search of pleasure) that I would NEVER WANT done to my balls. Pussies really are a wonder. As for the offer SHATBED got—a threesome with plenty of time to make it to church after—lots of well-versed sexual adventurers would look at a 6 AM offer for a threesome a little sideways. So SHATBED's "self-loathing" in the wake of decline that offer make it sound like he has a very powerful negative self-image. There is a lot going on in the space of "worthiness" that SHATBED may want to explore. Having boundaries and keeping them is not lack of worth. It's the setting and fostering worth! Show yourself some real love, dude!

And...


Voice Fetishist shouldn't be too quick to cut off guys whose voices, at least during that first phone convo, are a little higher than she'd like...

OK, story time. A while ago, I began dating a woman, who, on our first phone conversation, remarked that my voice wasn't very masculine. Of course it wasn't: I was nervous to speak to her, and so my voice got tight. Once I get comfortable, or get me hoarse from teaching for a few hours, I'm a low bass. She eventually admitted I have a very sexy, masculine voice. (The rest of our relationship was a clusterfuck, but I digress.) VF should give the high-pitched the chance to get comfortable or relax, or at least get them to down some bourbon. The human voice, like my girlfriend's ex-husband's sexuality, is incredibly changeable over time.

And...

Gosh, if I could only meet women like Voice Fetishist. No joke, back before the whole online dating thing became, well, a thing, I had women begging to meet me in person after hearing my voice on the phone. Then they'd meet me and realize I was not, in actual fact, the 6'5" tall black reincarnation of Barry White that they'd pictured. Apparently hearing a voice as deep as mine but then meeting a 5'9" white guy is a shockingly disappointing experience.

My conversation about queer history Matthew Riemer of LGBT History on Savage Lovecast Episode 661 prompts a podcast recommendation...

Listening to the portion of week's podcast about queer history brought tears to my eyes—hearing about forgotten queer history often does. It also brought to mind another podcast where I've been hearing queer history that should be a resource for your listeners and readers: Graying Rainbows. I first heard about Graying Rainbows listening to Dr. Ginger Campbell's other podcast about brain science, so I already thought she was an absolute angel. Even though I was raised by people who gave so much lip service to inclusivity that I was surprised I had to come out at all, I love this new show for and about people who come out later. It's so important for queer elders to find support, and for younger folks who just missed the boat on joining college queer clubs to know they're not alone. Ginger's thorough interview style brings out the unique perspective of each guest, and her own careful vulnerability makes it clear why the content is needed. Thanks for being an amazing resource as well as an advice giver!

A little gratitude...

I'm a straight, middle-aged woman and first-time writer. I wanted to thank you for your column, which I have been reading for many years. I was stuck for two decades in a bad monogamous marriage to a husband who was not GGG. My only outlet for exploring my kinky side was writing smutty stories, which I was too mortified to share with anyone—except my husband, who was not interested because what kind of decent person would have these kinds of fantasies? (Rape fantasies, sexual slavery, forced orgasms, etc.) Reading your column let me know that having fantasies was not something to be ashamed of and that sharing smutty stories with the world was not just okay but worthwhile! I worked on a novel in stolen half hours (two kids, full-time wage earner), publishing chapters serially online. This led me to meet people who've become close friends. And after ten years I've just self-published my first book! And, not to brag, but it's a good book! Combined with my long overdue divorce, Dan, it's really been a banner year for me—and I couldn't have done it without you! So thank you!

A little attitude...

Your advice sucks and anyone who listens to you is a fool.

A little more gratitude...


And a little more ahhhtitude...


And all you rapey, condom-removing "stealth" assholes out there can't say you weren't warned...


And we're going to leave it there—have a great weekend, everybody, and we'll see you Monday!



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Listen to my podcast, the Savage Lovecast, at www.savagelovecast.com.

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