A small, angry little man.
Rand Paul: A small, angry little man. Tasos Katopodi/Getty Images

T-Mobile's CEO is making fat stacks: John Legere earned four times what he earned in 2017 in 2018. He's number one on the list of highest-paid Pacific Northwest CEOs. That figure, $66.5 million, is even more than double last year's list-winner, Mark Okerstrom of Expedia, who earned $30.7 million. Legere is the sixth highest-paid CEO in the country, sandwiched between Oracle ($108.2 million) and Disney ($65.6 million). But a lot of Legere's compensation package is tied to the success of the T-Mobile/Sprint merger that's in the works. However, he just needs to stay in the CEO role until next April and keep T-Mobile's stocks up to get that payout.

Gas line check of horror for Redmond family: According to this family, a Puget Sound Energy contractor came to their home to check on their gas lines. Gus and Keeni, the family's two dogs, started making weird noises. The man, an employee of Hydromax USA, had pepper-sprayed the dogs.

Cold Creek Fire consumes land: As of Thursday night, a wildfire on the Hanford Reach National Monument had gobbled up around 8,000 acres. The fire started Thursday afternoon and grew at breakneck speed. And, yes, to clarify, this fire is burning near the Hanford Nuclear Reservation. It started to enter the production area at one point but was quickly put out. Will someone who knows science explain in the comments how bad it would be if a fire burned up Hanford? I'm assuming it would not be very "lit," not as in "cool" and "exciting," but "lit," as in "end-of-the-acme-dynamite-stick lit."

Cold, hard cash at play in city council elections: We've been singing the "Chamber of Commerce is buying our election" tune for months now. And it's true, Civic Alliance for a Sound Economy, or CASE, has spent nearly $300,000 across all candidates (but mostly on three, and even then, mostly on Egan Orion in District 3). But a hotel-workers union has spent almost $150,000 just on Andrew Lewis in District 7. This race is already on track to outpace previous years as far as independent expenditure spending is concerned.

I want to pursue this career change: But I don't think I have the patience to be a master builder.

I'M PISSED: Bothell is getting electric Lime scooters. Look, I'm happy for Bothell, I guess, but—I'm not afraid to admit it—I'm jealous! And angry! How can Bothell (no offense, Bothell residents, but you get where I'm coming from, right?) beat Seattle to innovative transportation solutions? What's it going to take for you to LAUNCH this GOD DAMN pilot program you PROMISED US, Mayor Durkan? Are we going to have to wait around until Bellevue gets scooters????? The horror.

The East Coast this weekend: It's going to be so hot this weekend that the New York triathlon was canceled.

Seattle this weekend: I think... it might be perfect weather.

Japan mourns: The arson attack Thursday that killed 33 people was carried out by a 41-year-old man who said the anime studio he targeted “stole a novel” from him. He purchased 10 gallons of petroleum near the studio and spread it across the ground floor before lighting a match. Out of the 33 people killed, 20 were women. The studio, known as KyoAni, had a reputation of hiring mostly young women. More than half of the people that were in the building when it was on fire were women. Many bystanders describe seeing young women so severely burned that their skin looked jet black and their clothes were burned off. It was Japan's worst mass killing in 20 years.

The Today Show is broadcasting Moon Landing conspiracy theories:

200th 9/11 firefighter dies because of illness: The 9/11 first responders are in the midst of pushing Congress to extend their care funding. Jon Stewart famously chastized Congress last month for dragging its feet and not showing up to vote for the bill. Steward has called two Republican senators for allegedly blocking the bill. One of them was Rand Paul. While this debate was happening, the 200th 9/11 firefighter succumbed to his illness and died.

Watch Rand Paul's weird Fox News ad: He refused to answer this reporter's questions about his action on the 9/11 first responder care funding bill. Instead, he told the reporter to watch his Fox News interview for answers.

Iran is denying that it lost a drone: There were reports yesterday that the U.S. had shot down an Iranian drone. According to Iran, that's not the case and maybe the U.S. had actually shot down its own drone by mistake.

Costa Rica is better than all of us: The Central American country has announced that it will be banning the import and sale of polystyrene (or styrofoam to you plebians) because of environmental concerns around its packaging. That ban will go into effect in 2021. That's the same year that Costa Rica will become the first plastic-free and carbon-free country. Fuck! Let's move to Costa Rica? It's also one of the happiest countries in the world, did you know?

Speaking of the environment, China is doing this: And the U.S. won't get it's fucking petroleum-soaked dick out of its hand long enough to realize that there's no such thing as goddamn clean coal and invest in renewables.

Take me back to the Tide Pods, challenge: Life was easier when teens were swallowing laundry detergent capsules. Now, it seems like the latest trend is contaminating food and drink products in grocery stores. An Odessa, Texas teen was arrested this week for spitting in an Arizona Tea and putting it back on the shelf. He's charged with tampering a consumer product. But, maybe, he really did take a sip and put it back because it was gross like what he told police. I'm not sure if this is actually a new internet challenge, but the whole ice-cream licking thing a week ago was.

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Headline of the week: Five guys arrested after fist fight at Five Guys

A fun fact for your Friday: Luna 15, an unmanned Russian spacecraft, crashed into the moon on July 21, 1969 while the Apollo 11 crew was finishing its space walk.

The best Seattle entertainment options this weekend include: Capitol Hill Block Party, the Bite of Seattle, a Lunar Block Party celebrating the 50th anniversary of the moon landing, and the Renegade Craft Fair.