This week's Savage Love Letters of the Day: The much younger partner in an intergenerational relationship has been cheating from the start—will he ever change? Woman stumbles over evidence she's not her boyfriend's "ideal" type—should she end it? She fucked a couple that has herpes—does she need to disclose to future sex partners? Her husband didn't reveal his kinks until their wedding night and threatens to cheat on her if she doesn't meet all his needs—does she exist? Also, this week's Savage Love and last week's Savage Lovecast.

I included a followup question/concern in the email I sent to Wavering And Angry letting him know his question was the SLLOTD: If he did decide to dump his cheating boyfriend, I wrote, I hoped he wasn't going to make his boyfriend homeless in the process. WAA wrote back...

Thanks, Dan. I do sort of wish you'd been full of shit this time, but you weren't. I've got a lot of thinking (and maybe some packing) to do. Let me put your mind at ease: I could not bring myself to do such a thing no matter how angry I was. When I confronted him before I'd heard from you, he begged me not to leave him even though he is more than capable of providing for himself. He says that I am the only one who has ever loved him and I think he may be right. I basically forced him into college, where he has done extremely well. He has very bright prospects for the future. I simply can't stay with him, always wondering what he's up to and who he's with. I don't expect to have another relationship after this, and I am heartbroken that it has to end. I promise you that I will treat him as kindly as I possibly can. I think that it is very possible that I wasn’t in a good place to start a relationship with anyone, as I was very angry and bitter that I had been forced to wait by my family and circumstances until I was over forty to pursue what I really wanted. Then, instead of having to "settle,” as I expected to do, I met this young man who needed and loved me in a way that felt good to me but also elicited a response on my part that was, in retrospect, most likely good for neither of us. The comments were hard to read but still what I deserved and I'll be thinking about them for a long time to come. Thank you for your time and your advice.

Something for commenters to bear in mind: the letter writers read the comments, too. It's always temping to blow up at the person who seems to be in the wrong—I can succumb to the temptation myself—but there's often more to the story than made it into the letter. Here's hoping WAA and his boyfriend, after 11 years together, manage to stick the dismount (if this is the end), remain friends, and can one day look back on the relationship as a success.

Regarding Your Very Ordinary Instagram Girl...

I've been enjoying your column for a very long time—at least ten years, probably more like fifteen. And until today I've never felt the urge to write in with a question or comment. In general I think you responded to YVOIG very well. However, I can relate to YVOIG's situation and thought that, based on my own experience, you missed a couple of things. YVOIG states that her soon-to-be-ex only had sex ten times in three years with someone who is, as she claims, his ideal type. Then she goes on to point out that they don't have sex often because he is "always tired." I WAS THAT GUY FOR 10 YEARS! It wasn't until my low libido started causing problems in my relationship with my now wife (who has a very high libido) that I looked into it. It turns out I have very low T. (Diagnosed at 30, so too young for levels to be that low naturally.) I've now been on testosterone therapy for several years and have never looked back. My libido is up, my sex life is great, and my wife and I are extremely happy. I wish I had known about this year's ago—I had issues in most of my past relationships, almost always stemming from my low libido. Knowing the issue would have made my past relationships much better. (But then I wouldn't have met my wife, so it's a double edged sword!)

Before YVOIG seeks sexual fulfillment (really just validation) outside of her relationship (which she seems way too eager to do), she ask her boyfriend to have his testosterone levels checked. It could be that he has a naturally low libido, but it could also be that there's a medical issues artificially lowering it.

Now, to address YVOIG'a concerns about not being her boyfriend's usual type: Get some self esteem and stop doubting yourself, YVOIG! My "type" is generally petite brunettes with smallish breasts, and often of Latin decent. But guess what? My wife is a curvy, busty blonde with who wasn't petite before we had kids and isn't after. But it doesn't matter. I love her unconditionally and am very sexually attracted to her. And when I watch porn, I rarely (practically never) watch videos with women who even remotely resemble my wife. Bottom line is, we fall in love with people, not a "type," and we are all capable of finding a vast array of people attractive. (Didn't she say they're both bi and that he has dated men before? How is 'suicide Girl' his only type then?)

As for him looking at girls on Instagram, get over it. Every man I know—and most of the women I'm close enough to to discuss it with—looks at porn on the internet. If YVOIG's BF likes looking at soft-core Instagram porn with "alternative" models, so what? As long as he isn't DMing these girls trying to start a fling then I don't see why it matters. Cause he's gonna look at porn. It has nothing to do with her.

Regarding Deeply Ashamed...

I agree that DA and his/her half-sibling should not have biological children together because of the high risk of genetic abnormalities, but why can't you encourage him/her that it shouldn't be shameful to be attracted to, and even love, someone who he/she met as an adult? There should be no "squicky" feelings here at all, and frankly I'm surprised that you reacted that way, considering how accepting you usually are. They did not grow up together. They did not know each other as children. They didn't even know each other existed until they were both adults. Let them love each other! There is no sound reason to keep them apart. Their own shame fueled by society's taboo is the only thing stopping them. Yes, their family members and friends might react negatively, but sadly that still happens to gay and lesbian couples every day. Love should triumph. If you choose to reply to me, please explain what concrete reasons justify keeping them apart. "What other people will think" is not a concrete reason.

I cited the concrete reason I'm not willing to scrap the incest taboo—not even for half-siblings that met as an adults—in my response to DA. (John Corvino nailed it in this piece; please pay particular attention to Jonathan Rauch's point.)

And...

DA and their half-sibling should take a DNA test. Who knows what happened along the line over the years? It may bring up other problems while solving theirs, however, if it turns out they're not biologically related after all.

Hm... I've read stories about couples learning they were closely related—biologically speaking—after getting DNA tests. I suppose the reverse is possible: there's a chance, however small, a DNA test could reveal that DA and their half-sibling aren't biologically related after all. Worth a shot! And if the DNA test doesn't help, they could consider emigrating...

Half-siblings can get married in Sweden, under certain provisions. I'm not sure exactly what all of them are, but one is that they can't have grown up together. Normally when people apply for a wedding license the authorities just check that they're over 18, not already married, and not too closely related. When they're kinda closely related, there's a more thorough investigation, but it is possible for half-siblings to be approved for a wedding license. There is still a huge taboo against incest in Sweden though. The only reason I know this is because years ago a super trashy talk show interviewed a pair of married half-siblings and I still remember them, because gross

Regarding a recent call to the Lovecast...

Forty-year-old, Magnum-subscribing married bi guy from Oregon here. I just wanted to leave a comment on Savage Lovecast Episode 669. The gentleman who's wife has difficulty having orgasms and then has a lot of shame around sex. I'm married to woman with similar issues. Until her and I started our relationship, she had never had an orgasm. Solo or with a partner. It took time to unlock that inside her. Reassurance and support were what she needed. Now, she comes like a fountain. Literally.

My wife also experiences shame around what she wants out of sex. There is a very, very dirty girl inside the church girl shell. Several years ago we were going to have a threesome with one of our friends. He backed out for work reasons and she still wanted to have the threesome so I found another guy. She didn't even know his name. The next day, she didn't feel great about it. But through very open and honest communication, we have since had a total of five male guest stars that we both have been able to enjoy. I have communicated to her that her wants and desires are paramount to me and that I still love her and will not judge her for anything that she wants sexually. If she wants a gang bang, lets do it! Her being able to hear that I am open to her sexual exploration has really drawn her out of her shell.

Basically, I think your advice to the caller was very, very good. He just needs to support his wife in what she needs sexually and she will do the same for him. Open and honest communication between partners is sometimes better than sex.

A new listener need the link to a column I mentioned and a short pep talk...

In Savage Lovecast Episode 668 you talk about long-term relationship boredom. You suggest reading "last week's advice" where Wednesday Martin, the author of "Untrue," dropped in to help out. I can't seem to find this column. I only recently discovered you, so I'm not yet sure how your content works. This topic is exactly why I'm listening to you now. I was with my ex girlfriend for eight years, since age nineteen. We had a very messy break up, with her cheating on me publicly. I am now 28 years old and we broke up a year ago. I have been with women since; but really I have no idea what I'm doing. I have the experience of a teenager. I felt nothing for the few girls I've been with, and frankly I've felt kind of awkward. I'm such a rookie at the love game I need help. So I will keep listening to your podcast and hope that I can happily adapt to my circumstances as a single guy.

This is the column I was referencing on that show. I'm glad you plan to keep listening; I think the Lovecast will help you feel less alone as you work through your heartbreak and your nervousness about sex and dating. And here's a tip: It would be a good idea to 1. only sleep with women you feel something for (feeling like they might be someone you wanna know better and could possibly see yourself dating counts) and 2. let those women know you just got out of a longterm relationship and you’re feeling a little awkward right now. It's better to lower someone's expectations a bit and pleasantly surprise them than to bluff your way into their their pants and disappoint ‘em.

One reader sent in a great holiday snap...

My girlfriend and I took a trip to Hawaii and decided we needed to add a little something to the Trump hotel sign we passed by. Thought i would share it with you.

Love it! And another reader created some DIY ITMFA gear...

Long time fan and Magnum subscriber. Took a look at your merch. Not a big fan of t-shirts and hats, so I ordered a custom set of ITMFA cufflinks on etsy. Keeping it classy, keeping it real.

And finally...

I was about to write a letter looking for advice, and as I began to compose it, I heard the advice I sort of expected you to give based on years of reading your columns and it answered my question with concrete next steps I can take to address my problem. So, yeah. Thanks for the good advice and helping me become a more well-rounded, emotionally communicative individual. I just figured it would be nice to write in and let you know that you're appreciated.

So the takeaway for me here is start giving shitty advice or risk putting myself out of business?

Okay, we're going to leave it there. Have a great weekend, everybody, and we'll see you on Monday!