PornHub at least cares at the environment. Cant say the same for our president.
Pornhub for president. JLGUTIERREZ/GETTY IMAGES

Lost hikers found: Two men went hiking in Snohomish County. They had food for five days. They were expected home on August 23. And, when their families hadn't heard from them, they were reported missing. For five days, the two were without food. One hiker said he didn't think he would make it another day.

EPA continues its trend of not protecting the environment: Reports this morning show that the Environmental Protection Agency is making moves to roll back Obama-era limits on methane. Stop! Methane is the is a major contributor to climate change. The rule changes, that are expected to be announced today, will do away with mandatory checks on oil and gas companies when it comes to inspecting and fixing "methane leaks from wells, pipelines, and storage facilities." Um. This is crazy. At least some energy companies, including Exxon and Shell, support maintaining the Obama-era rules.

Meanwhile, Europe is HOT: The continent is warming faster than climate models predicted. I'm stressed.

Comey broke the law:

High-school sports participation is down in Washington: This is a national trend and Washington is no exception. Across the board, fewer teens are playing high-school sports. There was a 43,395-participant decline nationally, which is the first decline in 30 years, according to the Seattle Times. Those teens are too busy vaping Fortnite and playing TikTok! One of the sports that saw less participation was football, though it is still the most popular sport for boys. Maybe parents have realized how bad football is for their kids' brains?

How are we expected to do anything except enjoy nature in this state? Seriously. I'm pissed we have to do anything else. Anyway, good morning. Happy Thursday.

Washington wants to protect its wolves: If you've been following along with wolf news, you know that Washington has a wolf killing problem. The state has been killing off wolf packs that bother farmers. People are upset. The Department of Fish and Wildlife had planned a series of public meetings on managing wolves, but have canceled the meetings because they're worried violence will break out. Do Washingtonians take their wolves that seriously? The meetings will be hosted online instead.

Here is what a tsunami would be like in Washington: If there were ever a 9.0 earthquake, we'd be fucked. But Seattleites would have more than two hours after the quake to avoid a tsunami. However, it would only take 15 minutes to slam into the coast.

Canadian man wins the lottery: He had been casting the same lottery ticket numbers for decades. Last fall, they worked and he won $60 million. It took him 10 months to pick up his winnings because, as the Washington Post reported, he couldn't believe the size of his luck. The lucky numbers were 2, 3, 4, 8, 9, 20 and 30.

This is killing me: A Los Angeles reporter was filming at the scene of a hit-and-run. In the video, he talks about the vehicle that got away, alerting people who are watching what to look out for in case they see it. And while he's talking, a car that matches the description rolls up in the background.

Sasha Obama is going to the University of Michigan: Go Blue. That's it. That's all the news.

Forever 21 is not so forever: I'm going on vacation today. I realized last night while I was packing that I didn't own a bathing suit. So I rushed to Forever 21 since their sale section is reliable. Their selection isn't, but I rolled the dice. While I was trying options on, the employees were chatting about "the news." One of their aunts had texted them that she needed to find a new job. The news is that Forever 21 might be filing for bankruptcy.

Here is footage from a simpler time: When Radio Shack had television commercials.

NASA is sending a helicopter to Mars: In July 2020, NASA will send its next rover to Mars. It will be carried by helicopter. If all goes according to plan, the helicopter will be the first aircraft to fly to another planet. Then it can snap some aerial photos!

Watch porn, save the planet: Pornhub is going to plant a tree for every 100 videos viewed in one category. As of Monday, 11,000 trees will be planted. Finally, porn with a purpose.

Spain has werewolf babies: About 17 babies in Spain mysteriously started growing hair all over their bodies. The culprit? A medication mix-up. The babies were given medicine for gastric reflux. It turns out the medication had been accidentally switched with anti-hair-loss meds. So the babies became particularly hirsute.

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Headline of the week: Woman won’t stop abandoning kittens at Whole Foods, shelter begs her to stop.

Some logistics, so you don't get separation anxiety: I'm leaving! For about a week. Don't worry. Other Stranger staffers will take care of you and your morning news. Okay, that's it. Bye! I love you.

Tonight's best Seattle entertainment options include: The Great Victorian Radicals Bake-Off, a KUOW talk on the challenges of reporting on vaccines with Isolde Raftery, and a show with the National at Marymoor Park.