I you haven't discussed the problem and opening the relationship as the solution, then sit him down and discuss it with him post haste.

Sorry, I was too anxious to be the first to respond. If I understand it correctly, this is the only real relationship (sexual or not) she has ever had. They probably gave their virginity to each other at 14 or 15 and have never had anything but plain vanilla sex. She has never taken the opportunity to explore her sexuality, doesn't know good quality sex from bad or what kind sex she does and doesn't like So she doesn't know what kind of sexual person. There is something really wrong here. Your typical teenage male would have been all over her and would be not have been satisfied with sex four times a year after only four years. He may be asexual, someone who doesn't find women sexually attractive or possibly getting his rocks off with someone(s) else. I'm not going to get in to all the permutations. College is usually a time of sexual exploration, but that doesn't appear to be what happened. She should have been hit upon all the time. Most likely they went to college together. Scary as it probably it is, it is time to move on.

I know that all of this speculation on my part, but it is based on what I know about testosterone drenched teenage boys and sex.

@Dan ended his thoughts where I would begin. SCARED is 23 or 24, so she and her boyfriend were only 15 or 16 when they got together. There are so many questions to ask. Did this couple come from religious families? How much sex were they having as teens and during their college years? Have they explored sex beyond plain vanilla? Does he masturbate or watch any porn?

Asexuality or homosexuality would seem like the most probable issues, especially if there is not an obvious medical issue. But there is some possibility that he has a kink that needs to be expressed, which he finds deeply shameful. But whatever the potential cause, SCARED needs to press this issue posthaste, and not take "no," for an answer.

"The ability to recognize when a good relationship has run its course and to end it before it gets ugly—before you cheat on him in desperation, for instance, or engineer some other conflict so you can get out—is an important life skill"

Aha, that's another one for the "Condensed Wisdom of Dan Savage" list.

SCARED - Do bring it up. Do figure out what kind of long (and medium) term sex-life is acceptable for you. Of all the reasons you're not having sex, "not being into you" is probably LAST on his list of reasons.

A few potential reasons off the top of my head:
1 - Erectile Dysfunction
2 - Depression
3 - (This one's a bit of projecting) he's worried you want too much from him and will be trapped in a marriage/with kids.
4 - He's not into sex, and was only performing interest in sex all these years to please you, but now that you're together-together, he doesn't feel the need to woo/impress you anymore.
5 - He's gained weight and doesn't like his body (see #2)
6 - You've gained weight and he doesn't like your body (You mentioned being young and fit, so unlikely)

Most guys who are cheating would probably fuck you like the dickens rather than shut down, so that sounds less likely as well.

And please, SLOG Community - can we not immediately leap to the conclusion that any male who doesn't have a 24/7 raging hard drive in the presence of women is gay? If you want to enforce the strictures of toxic masculinity ("A real man desires and has a lot of sex"), I won't stop you, but think twice before you go there.

First, talk to him. Second, if nothing changes, propose an open relationship if you want to stay with him as a roommate that you live. Third, if he says no to the open relationship, DTMFA.

"And please, SLOG Community - can we not immediately leap to the conclusion that any male who doesn't have a 24/7 raging hard drive in the presence of women is gay? If you want to enforce the strictures of toxic masculinity ("A real man desires and has a lot of sex"), I won't stop you, but think twice before you go there."

This is well said, Sportlandia, though I would add that while it should not be assumed, it IS a possibility, and so it needs to be mentioned as one of the potential causes of her boyfriend's behavior. SCARED should know better than we do whether there are reasons for her to suspect that this might be what is happening.

LW's in her early twenties. Is Boyfriend too? She doesn't say.

Regardless, they both need to learn how to have difficult, uncomfortable conversations with each other. If they split - which seems most likely - it's a skill they'll need in future relationships. I would suggest saying something like "if we talk about this, we may end up breaking up. If we don't, we definitely will."

Reasons may be innumerable, but the result is the same. No sex, no discussion. This is a life lesson, and since you’ve been with this guy for what sounds like your entire dating life it’s one you haven’t learned yet. Time to learn it now. NOT EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS DESTINED TO LAST A LIFETIME. Sounds like you gave it the old college try, but hard as it seems, without a commitment from boyfriend to address this situation (Counseling, or at the very LEAST a frank discussion) it is time to move on. Here is another lesson... YOU CAN STILL BE FRIENDS. Sounds like you’d make better friends than lovers, anyway. Be grateful for the time you shared, but for both of your sakes, go FIND SOMEONE WHO IS A BETTER FIT. In ten years, you’ll wonder why the heck it took you so long.

@5: About 2/3 of the way through your message, the thought occurred to me that maybe the LW's boyfriend is gay. Just FWIW.

Dan is right: the lack of communication is the heart of the issue. There are all sorts of reasons why this young man no longer wants sex. It could be something that is relatively easily addressed, such as a discussion of wants, needs, and desires. It could be intractable, such as him being gay or asexual. It could be curable or treatable, such as ED or a side effect of antidepressants or other medications. It could be a signal for them to break up, if he just is no longer sexually attracted to her. The key is for them to talk it through. If he's depressed, or repressed, or scared, it could be very difficult for him to do so, but they need to get a dialogue going.

Is the letter writer male or female?

@5/Sportlandia: "And please, SLOG Community - can we not immediately leap to the conclusion that any male who doesn't have a 24/7 raging hard drive in the presence of women is gay?"

Sure, but let's agree to go where the facts reasonably lead us. Looking again at the relevant facts, we have a man in his early/mid-20s who "hasn't been in the mood for any sexual encounters (including just making out) for over a year." Importantly, "it started as a relatively slow decline probably about three years ago . . . Three years ago we were having sex maybe four times a year, then last year more like two times, and this year nothing at all."

That doesn't sound like erectile dysfunction, fear of marriage and children(?), or weight gain. While I think ED is ruled out by the evidence, it could be another medical issue, including depression. But there no evidence they have ever had what might be described as an active sex life. If they started out having sex 6 times per year as teens, and drifted down to four times per year during year 4, they may only have had sex 30 times during the course of this 8 year relationship.

It could be that Mr. SCARED is just too scared to breakup with his high school girlfriend because he doesn't want to hurt her, or some religious or cultural hang up. But in addition to asexuality, shouldn't SCARED consider homosexuality? Opportunity would have limited their sex life as teenagers living at home, and pressure to be (or appear to be) straight could have been powerful motivation to have a girlfriend and have sex. Yet at a point where their sex life could have been expected to ramp up, it slowly declined from fairly low levels. And these are 20-somethings, not 50-somethings, who appear to have had no other sex partners.

Sporty @5: Nobody immediately leapt to that conclusion -- asexuality was the more obvious one -- but when it was suggested as a possibility, it does make a lot of sense. It's not as if never in the course of history has a confused gay high schooler dated an opposite-sex partner to try to hide from their own feelings. It's just unusual that this pairing has lasted eight years. "He must be gay" is indeed toxic masculinity; "he might be gay" is a reasonable theory.

At any rate, we're not even 100% sure LW is a she. So perhaps the boyfriend is a closeted straight. Ha ha. Regardless of boyfriend's orientation, this is not the kind of relationship LW wants to be in. They have become best friends and roommates. He/she/they needs to say this, and announce they're breaking up and he/she/they is moving out and hopes they can continue to be the platonic besties they've evolved into. Which indeed, IME, has happened with couples who got together young and simply lost desire for each other, without any asexuality or orientation mismatch. The reason he doesn't want to have sex with her/him/them is less important than what he/she/they needs to do about it.

How can one cheat on someone who has closed down shop?
LW, a year of no sex, you are in your early twenties and he won’t talk about it? He’s not caring about you, despite his pretty words. Up to you to bring this topic up. Maybe the two of you, with separate rooms, could still cohabit as friends, and you both find lovers elsewhere.
If he’s not on board with this, then it’s time to part. I’d say part anyway. This man is thoughtless, selfish and not hooked up.

I thought it was likely that SCARED was a woman but not a slam-dunk.

SCARED and her partner are in a difficult situation. She (I'll use 'she') needs to help him unjudgmentally, I think. Whatever it is that's preventing him from having sex with her is something she should seek to understand--to give him her help with. He could be having sex with someone else, or with other people, but not feel able to break up with her--though she doesn't imagine this. If he's gay, and is having sex with men, she needs to offer him the assurance of her support and continued close friendship. If he's ace, likewise. If he has found someone else, then she should suggest their bond from early adolescence will always be there--and give him permission to end their sexual relationship. This would be right, SCARED could say, because she, too, wants sexual gratification in her life.

It's possible both of them, now or at some time in their teens, thought they had an extraordinary love and would be together forever. They can still have a wonderful and thoroughly mutually affirming closeness without being together as boyfriend and girlfriend. It is very unlikely, on the face of what SCARED has said, that her teenage partnership will be her only adult relationship--and I think she's reconciled herself to that.

It won't be simple for SCARED to move on from him, or easy for her next partner. But it may be that she will start, now, to have fully adult relationships.

@9. Donny. All your capitalised sentences are just what the LW should take to heart.

@10. Musicbiker. Absolutely yes to everything you say--excellent answer.

The couple have been together, quite probably, since they were pre-adolescents, before there was the expectation that sex would be part of their relationship. So sex dropping out wasn't at first defining of something awry for them. They could come from a community where there was an expectation of lifelong monogamy, or the talk in their families could always have been of their being destined for each other. The bf's behavior, then, in not having sex, not initiating a breakup and not being able to talk to SCARED, may make more sense to him than it does to us older metropolitan liberals. I don't see him as predominantly selfish, as some commenters have alleged, but as scared himself. I hope the couple can face their difficulties together.

Harriet @16, I agree it is probable that SCARED is female. But did you miss the part of the letter where she has tried to discuss their lack of a sex life, and he shuts her down? If he won't talk to her, there is no way for her to discover the cause of his lack of interest. I suppose she could give him an ultimatum such as talk about it / see a couples counsellor or we're through, but what would talking do? It won't make him desire her. The result will not be an improved sex life, so she may as well skip ahead to the part where she thanks him for being there for her throughout their young lives but says it's time to move on. His sex life, or lack thereof, with future partners is his problem.

@18/BiDanFan: I entirely agree that this relationship is probably over, and sticking the dismount should probably be the goal of this couple. SCARED may have lost a few years of sex, but she is still really young, so not the worst situation.

The one reason I would suggest that SCARED have the difficult conversation is the small chance it is something that could be changed. Mr. SCARED has a medical issue or a kink that he finds shameful, but SCARED might be willing to explore. If so, SCARED might get the guy she loves and the sex life she wants, and if not, she’ll know with a huge investment of time.

Seriously, just dump him and stay friends! I mean, you have no children together, enjoy each other's company, but he doesn't wanna fuck you? Friendship sounds like a pretty good solution here.

Kudos to Dan for adding "if he's struggling with depression", since even just meds for depression could be the cause (and that could be fixed by experimenting with alternative meds).

OMG SCARED. I've been you. Unlike most of these commenters I've been in exactly the place you're in now. My (now husband then) boyfriend is not gay and not asexual. That doesn't mean the same is true of your boyfriend, of course.

I really do agree with Dan. The refusal to communicate is the big problem here. My partner refused to talk about it either and it nearly destroyed our relationship. I have two pieces of advice beyond what Dan said, IF you want to successfully continue this relationship. 1. Make discussing your future sex life a condition of continuing your relationship, but don't force him to explain himself. A lot of the early arguments I had with my partner were unproductive because I approached it like I was accusing him of something. Instead, I had success with a very practical "I need you to know I'm unsatisfied. I need at least X to be satisfied, can you agree to that moving forward? For me?"
2. Try to start talking about your sex life by exploring your sexuality together/apart. Try to make it fun discussing what new things you can do together. Not as a "omg we have to save our relationship!" But because you've been together since you were basically kids and you need to explore your desires just like single people. If you can successfully have those fun conversations it will make it easier to have hard conversations about your sex life in the future.

If he can't start opening up, though? DTMFA.

If it were me, I'd dump him and not stay friends. Of course sexual incompatibility is no one's fault, but - and I can't really put my finger on why - it seems to me like there's something more than that at work here. My asshole-dar is going off.

Two thoughts come to mind. #1: the fact that he won't talk to her about the problem, I see as a dick move. "it's not something he likes to discuss" is an excuse. If you're in an intimate relationship, part of your duty to your partner is discussing shit like this whether you want to or not. If he wants to have an intimate relationship, he needs to get over whatever discomfort he has. #2: LW may be convinced he's not cheating, but I'm far from it. This scenario bears a lot of the hallmarks of it, and the fact that he still whispers sweet nothings into her ear and all that horseshit means nothing.

Whatever it is, LW, DTMFA. And if you're going to stay friends with this dude, keep your guard up and don't let yourself get jerked around. (Though if my suspicions are right and he is an asshole and/or cheater, he's probably not going want to maintain a friendship with you anyway, so maybe that's a problem that solves itself.)

Anony @22, thanks for your comment. Question - have things now improved? Do you have a satisfying sex life with your husband?

UpAndOver @23, I disagree that he's an asshole. Assuming he's around her age, it's more likely he's just embarrassed to talk about anything sexual. Particularly with these toxic masculinity expectations that have already been discussed; he may see talking about it as having to admit he is "less than manly" (in the eyes of society). I agree he needs to get over it, if he wants to keep this relationship.

I think it's nice how concerned everyone is about this guy's mental health, supporting whatever his issues are, etc.

That said, I think she should DTMFA, and feel NO OBLIGATION to support his issues, his depression, his whatever. Nor do she need to teach him how to have conversations about important topics, or that the ability to have them is critical. Getting dumped is a learning experience in and of itself. And honestly, a hard dump is likely to teach him a lot more than a soft one.

I always go back to teaching analogies. If I kid is failing, and you really like them, you maybe want to give them a C- or a D, because it seems nicer, and to you it still communicates that the level of work is unacceptable. But in fact that's just passing them, and what it communicates is that the level of work is sufficient. Maybe not great, but enough. But it isn't. Fail 'em. They'll learn. And it's better for them in the long run to learn it faster.

@23 I agree with BDF that I suspect he's not trying to be a controlling asshole (if so, he'd probably be leveraging it for sex and blowjobs on demand, rather than withdrawing from sex altogether - that's a LOOOOOOONG con), but i'd wager it's 95% likely his issues are shame or medically related.

I'm also starting to suspect LW doesn't really have the tools to have this conversation either - her surmising ("maybe he's not into me") feels incredibly off base and doesn't necessarily indicate someone who's a good reader of people or effective communicator. I'm going to guess that neither of them had reality-based sex-ed in school, and they're both fairly conflict avoidant, which keeps fights down but lets issues like this boil slowly and unendingly.

@22/AnonyBlue: BiDanFan beat me to it, but I would also appreciate additional context.

How old were you and your husband (then boyfriend) when you started dating?
After how many years of dating did you stop having sex, and for how long were you two non-sexual?
Did your husband ever explain why did not want sex?

@18. Bi. I said in my comment #17 that he wasn't able to talk to his partner. My suggestion was that she try to get to the bottom of why he wasn't having sex with her, having made clear that she would not be judgmental of any answer (e.g. he's gay, he's asexual). The motivation wasn't to patch up things between them--but to get the bf beyond where he is now (in a live-in, probably college relationship with someone he doesn't have sex with, and regards--and is happy to have pass--as his life-partner).

@25. ciods. Who is going to help him with his problems, if she isn't? They've had sex before; something now (shame; depression; another lover; a hidden gay life; asexuality; a medical issue) is preventing him from having sex with her now. Whatever the problem, he's using her to screen it from everybody else--almost certainly from parents and family. Something has to give. If he has another lover or other lovers, he's acting with a peculiar and twisted sort of compunction in not sleeping with her. She should, I think, appeal to their long history and friendship to try to elicit what's going on.

I'm not comfortable with the MF designation, either, being applied to him. Can SCARED really think of him that way? They've been together since she was something like 14; he's kind, loving, respectful. Someone has to do more consistently, selfishly and nastily, to earn the label. He's a person with a problem who's making her life intolerable.

@28 Harriet: "Who is going to help him with his problems, if she isn't?"

You can't help someone who doesn't want help, as every 12-step program in the world will tell ya. My point isn't that it's bad to help people--but that sometimes when they've set things up so that you can't (e.g., by refusing to talk about the issue), the most helpful thing you can do is leave. He can then help himself, by realizing that the situation he created was unacceptable, and taking steps to deal with his reasons for it in his own mind. Then maybe later he can talk to her, and they can be friends, or he can be a better partner the next time around.

It's great to help--when you know how, when the other person wants it, when you can see that it makes a difference. But no one need be a martyr to someone else's bullshit. After a while, that's not help, that's enabling.

Has the LW made it clear to the BF that their relationship is on the line when asking to discuss this? Because he may think avoidance is just working. If he knows it could cost him his partner, maybe he’ll put on his big kid pants and open up.

I’m going to disagree with Dan on the masturbatory assist suggestion here. The LW should ask themself the same question about having a sexless relationship— will they be satisfied having their sex life limited to masturbation with help from their partner for the next 30 plus years. My guess is the answer is no. It might be a workable compromise for a couple with children they want to stay together to raise-that’s the kind of sacrifice some people make for their kids. But I don’t think it’s a good solution for a young person in what may be their first serious relationship and who wants a sex life that involves more than just help masturbating (assuming that’s how the LW feels). It will at best just drag out a relationship that should have ended already, and delay the both of them in figuring out who they are and finding a more compatible partner.

Relationships are not therapy sessions. Whatever the reason this man closed off, sexually, over three years, I’d say it is his toxic masculinity which has closed off his explanations.
He has rejected her sexually, multiple times, won’t speak and she should stay to do what. Prize his mouth open? This man has much personal work to do and it needs to be done with a professional.

LW, you are young and have your life in front of you. Why have you let this situation go on by staying with this man?
I suggest you break up, and that you too do some personal work with a professional, to find out why you haven’t asserted yourself in this relationship. You are at the peak of your health, why have you stayed for this slow death of sex, and he’s said not a word why. Does he think you won’t notice.

Sporty @26, agreeing with me, note this date in the record books!

But I don't know why you're dismissing the possibility that he isn't into her. This is indeed possible, just like it's possible he's gay, it's possible he has a physical or mental health issue, it's possible he's asexual. To expand on my comment @14, one of my current partners met his future wife at 19, married at 21, and by their mid-20s they had become little more than platonic roommates. I can guarantee you, he's neither gay nor asexual and everything is working just fine. He wasn't into her. (Fortunately, her feelings had evolved in a similar direction and they split amicably and remain good friends.) So I'm not placing any wager on the cause of his disinterest. Every possibility is equally likely based on the information we have.

Harriet @28: "Who is going to help him with his problems, if she isn't?" Him. DUH. Or a therapist. Why do you expect this young woman to do his emotional labour? It is not her responsibility. It is also not her responsibility, nor does she have magic powers, to make him talk when he refuses to talk, so I don't know why you keep coming back to "talk to him." Ideally, yes, he'd talk to her, but he isn't, so she needs a Plan B. Ciods @29 is right -- leaving will send the message that refusing to communicate is not acceptable in a relationship, and he needs to do better with his next partner, if there is one.

@29. ciods. Reading the letter again, I'd say that we don't know enough about the situation to say either 'she can help--and she's the person to do it' or 'the onus lies on him to realize the gravity of the problem and address it in the open himself'.

One thing that's strange is that the LW didn't start off by saying e.g. 'I'm in an eight-year old relationship with my high-school sweetheart'. The length of the relationship and her age were strangely far apart. This could be, I guess, for two reasons: 1) that they are not quite in the same age-bracket, but that SCARED doesn't think that any part of the issue and doesn't want to draw attention to it. Their relationship could have started e.g. when he was a bit older and she was legally a minor, in circumstances that could strike the outsider as potentially dubious. Or 2) SCARED has made a point of dodging gender identifications because this is a gay relationship, a relationship with an NB person in, or s/he just doesn't think it pertains.

But I feel SCARED needs to give us more information to understand what's going on fully. For instance did they go away to college together? If they went to separate colleges, or he stayed home, did she date at college apart from him? (Probably not). What's their home background? Are they from born-again families who don't really believe in sex before marriage--but didn't have the heart to separate two thirteen year-olds going round hand in hand? (People from these backgrounds In these circumstances, I would hazard, are just the type writing into Savage Love). I can well understand why, in this context, SCARED's partner might be unable to say that he's developed a sex life apart from her--and apart from all the expectations people around him have for them.

Yes--you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. But you can offer the help of saying that nothing could be more shameful and benighted than secrecy.

@33. Bi. You are being too profligate with the term 'emotional labour'. They are childhood sweethearts--straight or gay; and he's in a position where he's almost certainly hiding his problems from all the world. (It would look as if he's hiding that he has serious problems in his relationship). Anyone would, or should (maybe), try to help a eight-years long partner whom they 'love' and have a 'delightful' relationship with. (I note, though, that she says nothing good about him). Yes--she can't make him talk, but she can make clear she won't shame him, rat on him or fly off the handle whatever he says.

@34: Regardless of our agreement or lack thereof, major points for use of the word 'benighted.'

They should break up, not in a dtmfa way, but in a "I'm in my early twenties and have been with the same partner for eight years" way. You gotta learn who you are - sexually and otherwise - on your own. Don't throw away the friendship, but do take some space for a while.

Harriet @ 34, why do you need to know all the history of these two people to see that there is a massive problem here. Yes, it’s a long standing relationship, the LW though is still young, and whatever age the man is he has checked out of their sexual relationship and not disclosed why. His notion of intimacy is the issue.
Here you are encouraging a young woman to hang in there as his care giver, when three yrs of his withdrawing has already gone on. However the LW achieves it, she needs to stand up for her rights to a fulfilling sexual life. She’s in her twenties, an age when desire usually is strong.
Leaving him can be done with compassion and love, and as BabyRae @36 says, their friendship could still be maintained.
They are not lovers anymore and he can’t hang onto her by hiding and not talking. Three years is long enough.

Harriet why are you so fixed on the LW helping this guy? Why do you feel she needs to give up years or decades of her life to a guy who probably doesn't want to admit that he's bored and wants some strange, or wants to end the relationship but lacks the guts to do it?

I mean it sucks if he's just repressed and his family isn't understanding but it's not her job to fix that or to give up her own life to make his a little easier by being a shield he can hide behind.

While all MF should be dumped, not all people who are dumped are MF. You don't have to be a MF for a relationship to not work, to not be compatible with someone, or to want different things.

This guy should be dumped. Not because he's a bad person but because this relationship has run it's course and they both need to move on. She doesn't even have to hate him to do it and can still be friends if that's what they both want.

Something nobody else seems to have noticed: she says, "I don't consider myself to be a hypersexual person...." The first sentence usually sets the tone of the letter.

Where on earth might she have picked up that negative perception of herself? As if - in the absence of any advances from him - her once-a-month initiating might be, you know, a tad much. Definitely too much for him.

Personally, I'm confused by the decline over the past three years (which she did describe) but it would have been more helpful to know whether they ever really had a super-active stretch of sex. And during which years.

He's already ended the relationship unilaterally: doesn't want to have sex; doesn't want to talk about it. That doesn't leave a lot of hope for her. She can try the ultimatum route, saying the relationship is over if they don't talk. But, then, she's setting a precedent that she may need to drag things to the brink every time he doesn't want to talk about it. He may not be a MF, but he's become a passive piece of furniture.

@37. Lava. I'm not encouraging her (or him) to hang on in the sexual relationship as the guy's caregiver.

She should say their sexual relationship cannot survive his silence about why he's not having sex. There's a small (on the face of it) chance he'll face his problems. But I always said the greater probability is that she'll move onto having fully adult relationships--in which s/he can explore her sexuality and find a match for her post-college adult interests.

I'm saying she can help as a nonjudgmental intimate friend.

@38. msanonynous. She doesn't have to give years of her life to helping him. Her life, I'd hope--supposing he proves intractably uncommunicative or even confesses to e.g. homosexuality--will go forward with her finding more suitable partners (maybe many). But wouldn't they still be close friends? They're childhood sweethearts. If, at some level, they aren't going to be there for each other as friends, then the relationship was not as good, sustaining or 'delightful' as her letter makes out.

@39 Helenka (also a Canuck)
"I'm confused by the decline over the past three years (which she did describe) but it would have been more helpful to know whether they ever really had a super-active stretch of sex. And during which years."

That extra info about the first 5 years woulda been helpful.

Even at the /start/ of the decline they were only "having sex maybe four times a year". Maybe he could sustain that 'torrid' pace pre-decline in his personal version of initial relationship energy. Maybe after 5 years he really didn't want to at all anymore(1), but only gradually dialed it down to see how little he could get away with. Anyway that theory for the decline was what I assumed.

(1) With her? With anyone? Who knows.

[ If, at some level, they aren't going to be there for each other as friends, then the relationship was not as good, sustaining or 'delightful' as her letter makes out.]

Which is highly likely. The LW does sound like she's trying talk herself into staying and might well be overlooking his serious flaws and playing up his good points.

And I get why after having this guy in her life for so long she doesn't want to lose him completely. Whether a friendship will be healthy or doable is something they'll have to figure out.

Please don’t keep your comic books in storage people. Moisture will get to them, temperatures drop very low on these places, and your comics will warp.