Comments

105

"just a side of lesser orgasm"

oops I meant "just a side EFFECT of lesser contractions (from lesser orgasm)"

106

so, I googled "ruined orgasm" and it turns out... it's a porn genre.

107

Curious2 @65 You said this:

"For me that's essentially a hand job preceded by a period of blowing, in other words...
"after the blowjob is over"

I find Dan's response lacking critical nuance, talking about the periods before one starts and after one concludes, but not the all-fucking-important period of /during/.

Each time this re-prints I find myself imagining that the period 'during' must for some reason not be for Dan what it is for most."

Given that ejaculation is the definition of "during", it sure sounds to me like you were making the argument that the blowjob giver must keep their mouth on the penis until ejaculation to preclude a "ruined orgasm". I will concede that you don't seem to care if the blower spits or swallows, but that said, you didn't actually answer any of my questions...

108

IWasSfR @93 My apologies. I was speed reading the comments and erroneously included you. Sorry about that.

109

Sportlandia @89 I didn't want to let this comment slip by: " I dislike bodily fluids in general. I don't want to ingest my own or anyone else's."

I take that to mean that you don't perform cunnilingus or kiss your partners with an open mouth seeing as how both of those activities most certainly involve "bodily fluids". You must be a treat in bed!

110

@107 JibeHo
"it sure sounds to me like you were making the argument that the blowjob giver must keep their mouth on the penis until ejaculation to preclude a "ruined orgasm""

You are misunderstanding. (And I don't think it's my fault that you are.)

No, I think I've been amply clear that "ruined orgasm" occurs when there is no stimulation during male ejaculation/orgasm.

"you didn't actually answer any of my questions..."

I would have been happy to, except that it bugged me that they weren't the least bit fair to ask me based upon anything I wrote. I'll happily answer them in some other thread in which they're relevant and you don't already owe me an apology for asking me them.

Oh, and as for the 1st quoted paragraph of mine, it's really a semantic argument I have, based upon the stuff I've written about male orgasm/ejaculation, in which I'd say that the most important factor in whether a job is a blow- or a hand-job is what's happening during the male orgasm. However, I was being too critical with:

""For me that's essentially a hand job preceded by a period of blowing"

Let's call it a blowjob culminating in a handjob (with the understanding that the culmination is exponentially more important). The culmination with handjob being (quoting my reply to you @95) "nice, BJs are nicer, but I'm fine with neither. Or with a handjob instead of a blowjob if you prefer."

And yet after I explained that all you say here is "I will concede that you don't seem to care if the blower spits or swallows".

I don't know why you're misunderstood me; I've really tried to be clear. Perhaps you're reading something in?

In any case, it leaves me feeling both frustrated and irritated with our interaction.

111

curious2 @110 I apologize if I've misunderstood your comments, but it seemed fairly clear to me that you feel that an interrupted blowjob - one that doesn't end with cum in mouth - is substandard.

Because it appeared to me that you argued that BJs to completion are the ideal, I decided to ask you directly. If you don't want to answer the questions that's fine, just say so. Framing your decision not to answer my questions solely in terms of the "fairness" of my asking them seems opportunistic. And because I can't imagine another thread in which my questions would possibly be pertinent, a perfect dodge on your part.

112

And because I simply can't resist, perhaps "feeling both frustrated and irritated with our interaction" is similar to having a sublime blowjob interrupted by a disappointing handjob?

113

SL @106 "so, I googled "ruined orgasm" and it turns out... it's a porn genre"

Yes, it's a BDSM thing, I believe the idea is that the dom(me) denies the sub orgasms by making him wear a cock cage for a long time, and after that long time even the long awaited release is cruelly denied because the sub gets a "ruined orgasm" instead of a full one.

114

@111 JibeHo
Thank you very much.

"it seemed fairly clear to me that you feel that an interrupted blowjob - one that doesn't end with cum in mouth - is substandard."

"Substandard" isn't really a fair characterization of what I've been saying, in that "substandard" sounds a little loaded. Please remember I wrote:

@95 "Handjobs are nice, BJs are nicer, but I'm fine with neither. Or with a handjob instead of a blowjob if you prefer."

I can take or leave both personally, I prefer pussy. (A pussy is a lot warmer than a mouth, and--though I've never seen Dan acknowledge this in response to such letters--warmth is a huge factor in male orgasmic pleasure.)

All I've been pointing out is a general truth about male sexuality, that being in a mouth while cumming is more pleasurable than being in a hand...being in a hand still being quite a few orders or magnitude more pleasurable than (so much that as I mentioned months ago here a porn genre is named "ruined orgasm") no stimulation at all while cumming.

If you, if anyone, doesn't want cumming to occur in your mouth, hand (etc.), I'd written that that's //totally// cool with me. In light of that, your questions to me demonstrated you'd completely misunderstood my position. (But hey it's OK if people don't read me or skim me, it's only when I'm mischaracterized that I'm not happy.)

And I know you're smart, so I found myself speculating. Did you not want to believe what I said about a dick cumming in various places not all being equally pleasurable? Or did you feel like I was saying you should let dicks cum somewhere you don't want them to? I of course can't know; all I know is that I felt like I was being targeted for simply being the messenger of some sex ed info.

Your questions were entirely relevant to the straw man you thought I was, but not to me. As such they're not properly part of this discussion we're having. I honestly would be happy to make time, despite my time being extremely limited, for your irrelevant-to-me questions if we complete our current interaction. All, all I'm trying to do is to establish that nothing I would say in response to those questions has the slightest relevance to my position in our current discussion. We'd be good then, and I would take no offense in sharing; I just didn't want you to think I could answer something that would strengthen your position in this interactions with /me/.

Oh, and IIRC I saw a thing or two in those questions that weren't even fair to your straw man, so I'd be getting to that too.

115

@109 I don't even like kissing, really. I make up for my shortcomings in other areas with my dick. I have no idea how good or bad I am in bed, but I do know most of my partners have insisted we keep fucking after we break up, which I interpret as a vote in the affirmative. YMMV.

116

@16 Sublime Afterglow
I don't see any indication that she stops all stimulation as he cums. I certainly haven't had any complaints about ruined orgasms. They've expressed it was particularly intense. Usually I can keep him hard without getting overstimulated. We usually switch to PIV until he cums again, or one of us needs to stop.

This applies to all of the guys I have been with, including my current partner who is 60, last partner who was 50 when we dated, and four 30-somethings, not just the one I dated for our 20's. I'm sure some guys have a longer refractory period. I just haven't encountered any in that context.

@25 Spunkbutter (how apropos for this topic!) @26 Mariscrane
I usually don't let his cum inside my mouth, but can still lick the tip while he cums. He also really enjoys verbal encouragement.

@38 John Horstmann @51 BiDanFan
I don't have a problem with the flavor or volume, but the texture makes me gag. I also can't swallow pudding, overripe bananas, yogurt, creamy salad dressing, etc.

@59 BiDanFan @61 LavaGirl
His muscle tension, movements, and penis pulsing are more accurate. Sometimes he has peaks where he sounds/breathes like he is about to cum, but doesn't quite get there. I need to be very delicate and slow to avoid overstimulation for a few minutes

117

curious2 I included you in my list specifically because of your comment @65. If I got it wrong, and you are utterly ambivalent about whether you finish your orgasm and ejaculate into a cold hand versus a warm mouth, then clearly I misunderstood you. I don't mean to pressure you into answering questions you're clearly uncomfortable with. I was honestly curious (ha!) is all.

118

@117 JibeHo
Ah, I see my @65, and that in it I didn't do enough more than allude to my input on previous threads. I think "utterly ambivalent" is a good characterization of my stance. (That is, while I wanted to specify that one is to me (and I think most men) objectively much more pleasurable, when drawn out on it I'm happy to have had the opportunity to clarify that the only really important thing to me is that the giver only do what they want to do, whether that be by hand or nothing or whatever. Particularly since I'd be very happy without both BJs and handjobs; neither one is something I ever ask of a lover.)

"questions you're clearly uncomfortable with"

I'm only uncomfortable with being misunderstood; as I saw it, for me to answer those questions before you saw (as it seems you now do) that I don't think I deserved to be asked them (by which I mean of course, that I'd not written anything that deserved to be challenged with those questions), would have been to agree/buy into the premise that I did deserve to be asked them. (Yes, I know this might sound nuts, and I agree I am too competitive.)

If you want to open the floor to answers from people like me who didn't deserve to be asked them, that would be a horse of a different color. Or if somehow you've come to value my particular perspective out of not the previous challenge but because you for some reason respect what I would say, that too would be a horse of a different color. (And, hint, the word "curious" would come up in my reply.)

I simply didn't want to buy into the premise (by answering them) that I deserved to be asked them.

(I figure anyone who is still reading must be very bored.)(I also wonder if this is one of those times that EmmaLiz likes when I blow up? Or does that mean my stomping around like the Hulk too? Gosh I hope not, JibeHo and I have I think ended up communicating and I like that very much!)

119

curious2 - I shouldn't have named names as obviously I've completely mischaracterized you. Please accept my apology. And thank you for your civility.


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