Hey, Dan, this is going to be complicated. I’m a straight male with hebephilia. I’ve been married for twelve years, I love my wife, I’m attracted to her, and she knows. We have no children. I haven't done anything inappropriate in my life. The problem is that I was transferred to Japan at the end of last year. Before coming here pretty much all I knew about Japan was sushi, cars, and technology. But as soon I came here I realized how common and accepted being attracted to teenage girls is. And it's making me crazy. I will not cheat my wife, of course, and I will never do anything illegal. But in Japan you can go to concerts to see schoolgirls dancing and singing and you can take pictures and meet them after the show. (With their parents present.) I'm very tempted to go to one of these shows or photos sessions. They shows are not illegal but everyone knows who goes to them and why and I feel very conflicted about it.

I’m confused and conflicted. Expressing my desires is OK in Japan (where sex with minors is illegal) but back home it is not okay (and sex with minors is illegal). It sounds drastic but I'm wondering if I should quit my job and back home to Europe.

Lost In Translation

Sigh.

Sometimes I miss the days of, "Hey, Dan, how do I get a fist in my ass?" and, "Hey, Dan, what's a butt plug?" and, "Hey, Dan, how'd that happen?" Fist fucking and butt plugs have their own Wiki pages now so I don't get those relatively easy "how-to" or "what-that" questions anymore; people also seem to have learned not to use the passive voice with me, so the "how'd-that-happen" questions have dried up too. Today most of the questions are about complicated situations involving complicated situational ethics and I really have to think through my responses, which can themselves get pretty complicated.

But I don't think your situation is particularly complicated, LIT. You've made it this far without acting on your attraction to adolescents—credit to your own moral compass and the support and accountability your wife provides—and if you wanna make it to the finish line without violating a child... if you wanna die of old age without a sex crime on your conscience or your record... you won't start attending concerts where you can get your photo taken with teenage girls now. It's important for pedophiles and hebephiles to avoid temptation and while the teenage girls at these concerts have chaperones, LIT, it's a short hop from rationalizing attending these concerts to rationalizing visiting to "JK cafes" to rationalizing going on "walking dates."

And while there's less stigma attached to JK/schoolgirl fandom/fetishism in Japan than in your home country—or while the stigma is heaped on the underage girls who work in JK cafes and not the men who patronize them—the age of consent in Japan is effectively eighteen and you could be prosecuted back in Europe for any sex crimes you commit while working abroad.

You've avoided temptation and offending and built a decent life for yourself, LIT, and you don't wanna risk everything by tap dancing at the top of a slippery slope now. And if going home is the only way to avoid temptation, go home.