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Within the past two years my partner of many, many years has become chronically ill. He has also become extremely depressed and our once extremely active sex life has dwindled to nothing. I'm no longer sexually or mentally fulfilled in ANY way. He has seen me through many things including being chronically ill myself. I will always love him and he is a huge part of my life but he is no longer the same person and I'm no longer sexually our otherwise attracted to him. This is not due to his physical illnesses but the change in his personality. It's very difficult for me to go through life feeling unfulfilled on a daily basis. I've been thinking about developing an online relationship or possibly even a "Friends With Benefits" relationship but I do not believe in cheating. This is my issue. I'm struggling with whether to get out and be judged for leaving him because he got ill—which would not be the case—or to stay and try to find fulfillment for myself in ways that go against my moral values. But I cannot remain this miserable for the rest of my life, that I know for sure.

Can't Leave A Sick Partner

I'm ill myself today—coincidentally, not chronically—and so I'm gonna be brusque and blunt (and, for longtime readers, predictable)...

Do what you need to do to stay married (or stay partnered or stay there) and stay sane. If swapping dirty emails or text messages with someone on the other wide of the world makes you feel better and helps you get through the day, do it. If you can find someone nearby in similar circumstances to meet up with now and then for some discreet intimacy, do it. Because abandoning a chronically ill partner—abandoning someone who didn't abandon you when you were sick—demonstrates far worse "morals" and far shittier "values" than any off-the-books FWB arrangement ever could.

Your relationship has changed, perhaps permanently. You are no longer romantic partners—you are your partner's caregiver. To be the caregiver he needs, CLASP, you have to take care of yourself.


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