He cant wait to get his grubby turtle paws all over impeachment.
He can't wait to get his grubby turtle paws all over impeachment. DREW ANGERER / GETTY IMAGES

Mitch McConnell can't wait for the Senate trial: McConnell, notable ass weasel turtle, is denouncing impeachment while amping up the MAGA base about the next leg of the impeachment process, a trial in the Republican-controlled Senate. The Republicans will get to decide how that trial is conducted. McConnell gloated that this is "why the United States Senate exists.” He's expected to rush the trial by not calling any further witnesses. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is attempting to delay the process by not sending the articles of impeachment over to the Senate and dragging her feet while picking the House "managers," which will act as prosecutors during the Senate trial.

Colorado radio host's show canceled during impeachment: A conservative radio host on the air during the impeachment votes cracked a joke about how he wished "a nice school shooting" would come along and break up the news. His cohost was horrified. The show was canceled.

Sound Transit CEO gets a raise and a bonus: CEO Peter Rogoff is nominated for an "excellent" rating, which would come with an extra $6,000. That would complement his 4 percent annual raise and boost his salary to about $385,000. Under Rogoff, however, Sound Transit ridership has dipped, there have been widespread malfunctions in station escalators across the region, and more. The "more" in this instance is that Sound Transit was blamed for that fatal Amtrak crash in 2017. In the past, Rogoff also had been accused of sexism and "abrasive behavior," according to the Seattle Times.

A Woodinville imposter: This porch pirate is posing as an Amazon delivery person. Wearing an Amazon vest, it looks like she's dropping off goodies—but really she's nabbing them. There have been two reported instances so far. I bet doorbell surveillance camera sales have doubled this holiday season.

If you were waiting on a package that didn't come last night: This might be why. A UPS truck was hit by a train in Georgetown. According to the fire department, both vehicles were traveling at low speeds. The drivers of the truck and the train were both able to get out of their vehicles.

Reassuring: There was a 3.5 magnitude earthquake in East King County. The Snoqualmie Police Department was pretty blasé about it:

Washington representatives voted on impeachment: And they did it exactly how we expected them to. Seven Democrats voted to impeach, three Republicans voted not to. It was a party line thing.

See, it's important to find the local angle:

The tape from Jeffrey Epstein's first suicide attempt is missing: Epstein was found unconscious with bruises around his neck one morning in July. He had allegedly tried to kill himself. Attorneys for his cellmate, a former cop accused of murder, have been trying to get their hands on the tape since the cellmate said he saved Epstein's life. If the attorneys can prove that, then maybe their client won't be executed. Except for one small problem: No one can find the surveillance tape.

There's a Democratic debate tonight: There will be only seven candidates on the stage. They are Joe Biden, Pete Buttigieg, Amy Klobuchar, Bernie Sanders, Tom Steyer, Elizabeth Warren, and Andrew Yang. Tom Steyer is somehow still in this. Yang is the only nonwhite candidate left.

The US Department of Agriculture listed Wakanda as a trading partner: Wakanda is the fictional East African country where Marvel's Black Panther is from. It would be smart to start trading with them since they're such a hub of science and technology as well as vibranium. However, the USDA claimed this was an accident and that Wakanda was added during a test and it has now been removed as a trading partner.

Heavy rain ahead: The rain we got last night and into this morning is just a sampler, the weather gods have assured me.

Teen girl could face life in prison: The 19-year-old killed her alleged rapist, an accused pedophile. She may face life in prison for admitting to slaying the 34-year-old man. In June 2018, Chrystul Kizer allegedly shot Randall Volar twice in the head after he had raped her. She then lit his house on fire and stole his luxury car. According to Kizer, Volar had assaulted her multiple times and had allegedly sold her to other men for sex. She was 17 at the time.

Three-year-old boy tries to save dad: Stefan Snowden raced out of his house when his dad fell unconscious after having a seizure. He grabbed his Paw Patrol fire truck and raced down a highway to get help. He was found a quarter-mile away scooting on his fire truck in the middle of actual traffic. Two women waded into the street to collect him. He and his dad are fine.

California mandates presence of female board member for public companies: There has to be at least one woman on public California companies' boards by the end of 2019. If they don't have any women, they'll get fined $100,000. Then, by 2021, the stakes are higher. Companies with five board members must have at least two women filling seats, and there must be three with six-person boards. The fines will be $300,000 per seat unfilled by a woman. The companies are scrambling. It reminds me of this:

A little Slog AM update: This is my last Slog AM of 2019! I'm going on vacation! Other Stranger writers will take care of this baby in my absence. I'll see you all in 2020.

Today's EverOut picks are: A Motown-influenced show with Austin outfit Greyhounds, a Holiday Vegan Bake-Off, and Taylor Mac's Holiday Sauce. See more on our EverOut Things To Do calendar.