Sir, this is an Arbys.
Sir, this is an Arby's. China Photos / Stringer

Besides THE SNOW, today's biggest story is obviously THE DEMOCRATIC DEBATE. It happens tonight from 6 p.m. to the end of time, or around 8 p.m. Tonight we'll see Biden, Sanders, Buttigieg, Warren, Klobuchar, and that rich guy who isn't Bloomberg face off. Yang didn't make it. Marianne Williamson packed up her crystals long ago. Here are a few places you can watch the debate in Seattle. Also of note: the House Democrats released new impeachment evidence today, hours before tonight's debate. It shows Giuliani asking for a meeting with Zelensky and saying he was acting with Trump's “knowledge and consent":

Wait, is Bloomberg really only one point behind Buttigieg in the averaged polls? You people want BLOOMBERG? These polls will give me a heart attack.

Seventeen is bringing the Ode to You Tour to accesso ShoWare Center on Thurs 1/23! Purchase tix here

There was also a new Iowa poll released this week: I can't look... I shouldn't look... Fine, let's look:

Andrew Yang won't make it onto the debate stage tonight but the #YangGang got a notable new member this evening.

Let's pivot away from the polls and head to China where Star Wars keeps bombing. "Movie after movie has flopped in the world’s second-largest market, where nostalgia for the series has no power over viewers," writes the New York Times. As someone who's never "got" Star Wars, I would agree that nostalgia is key to the franchise's success. Disney was apparently so thirsty for Chinese viewers that they lined up 500 Stormtroopers on the Great Wall of China before the release of The Force Awakens in 2015. Tacky.

Have you ever had an online date that went terribly wrong (or flopped even before it began)? TELL US YOUR STORY and we may give you COLD HARD CASH.

Liquid silicone isn't the only thing that can leave you with a "stony hard" testicle: A "worm infection" can do that, too.

What the fuck are Democrats doing in Olympia this year? Let us tell you!

Boeing had more cancellations than orders in 2019, reports Geekwire. "The net tally for the year, reported today, is -87 — which Boeing says is the first time in at least 20 years that the number has fallen below zero," writes Alan Boyle. Are we in for another Great Boeing Bust?

Our guy, Girmay: Civility isn't dead, Brandi Kruse!

Okay, fine, I guess it's time to talk about the only thing anyone wants to talk about today: Snow. We're under a winter storm warning until roughly tomorrow morning. The Seattle Times has at least four staffers on snow watch. Things I've learned from them: The snow might hit Seattle around 8 p.m., right when the Democratic debate climaxes. Refreezing will probably happen, which is bad. I don't recommend riding your solowheel tonight, baby.

Some helpful advice: Be a penguin.

Tips on how to walk on ice: Be a penguin from r/Seattle

Emergency shelters have been expanded in Seattle due to the falling temperatures. "Seattle is vowing no one in need will be turned away, as the city said it has capacity to serve about 600 people through different locations across Seattle," writes the Seattle PI. The mayor has proclaimed that "we have proactive enough outreach that we really are trying to get people safe and warm."

Meanwhile, Snoqualmie Falls: White and cold.

More snow porn: Everyone seems to be praying for Snowpocalypse 2.0. Y'all love chaos!

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What's the white stuff falling from the sky? If you're in LA, it might have been this:

What the fuck is up with Boeing: A Delta plane (a Boeing 777-200) dumped jet fuel over Los Angeles public schools today. The plane had good justification (an emergency landing), but still—icky. 60 people had to be treated for minor injuries. I'd be fine with never getting on a plane ever again, but I have aerophobia so don't listen to me.