She's Pregnant and Horny and Her Partner Has "Lost Interest" In Sex

Comments

2

Bummer of a situation. Gotta compromise on something. Your choice!

3

What if she got someone to fuck her with a dildo or strap-on? Or her fuckbuddy could use a dildo (or her vibrator!) on her if he'd rather do that than fuck her. No penises go near the baby, just inanimate objects in other people's hands.

4

@1 She's not at 5.5 weeks, shes at 5.5 MONTHS, or roughly 24 weeks. At that stage she might have to go to a late term provider (not many of those around), and that's assuming the doctor is willing and legally able to provide an abortion since she's so close to viability that abortions may only be legal due to fetal abnormality or danger to the health of the mother.

5

@1 LOL, I was just thinking, if one believes the anti-choice people there will be people lined up around the block waiting to give her an abortion (spoiler alert, those people are full of shit) but I suspect that it would be hard to get an abortion a 5 1/2 months without a good medical reason. Still, adoption might be worth considering, if "fuck buddy" is only "sticking around for the kid" I think the kid would be better off somewhere else. I'm not saying the kid shouldn't be with the mother, (but I'm not not saying it either) putting up with this asshole doesn't seem like a great sign, but as she is pregnant I'll cut her some slack. Now I don't think women are nothing but hormones, but still, hormones do exist.

I don't really understand Dan's assertion that;
"since losing interest is less likely to hurt their partners' feelings than telling them the truth. "
I mean, the mother certainly wouldn't want an adult penis anywhere near her baby after it is born, so wouldn't she understand if the dude was uncomfortable putting his penis near a baby at anytime? (hey, I' pro choice, but 5 1/2 months !)
Now the "fuck buddy" part complicates things, even if the dude can't get it up, holding her and telling her he loves her while she takes care of herself would seem like a good option for a "normal" couple, but for a "fuck buddy", "I love you" might not really be expected/wanted. Still, hormones do exist and she is pregnant. Also, "I love you" can have different meanings, so it doesn't have to be a lie. e.g. I love all my cats and would still love them even if I was in love with a woman, the feeling might not be quite the same in each case, but it is the same word.
I can't even imagine not at least having warm fuzzy feelings for someone one had sex with, even if it was just causal sex, but then I have warm fuzzy feelings for stray cats (a different sort of warm and fuzzy you perverts!, but warm and fuzzy none the less)

That "unwilling to touch me" seems like a deal breaker DTMFA.

6

Is it just me, or is 10-15 years the average age difference in SL LW's?

7

But, just spitballing here:

Maybe the the fuckbuddy feels trapped by the baby and never wanted a long term committed relationship but you're pregnant and he's doing what he thinks should be done. Apparently this dude won't even maul your tits, which... not wanting to stick your dick in a pregnant women doesn't seem to unreasonable (things are going on! You could break something delicate! It's like walking through the hood on payday, you gotta step real careful) but not touching you at all feels like the issue isn't really your pregnant body (although it may be your pregnant reality).

8

I don't get it. It seems to me that for a lot of straight people pregnancy would be the most exciting time to have sex. No more need to worry about pregnancy! What a great time to have sex multiple times a day, every which way, everywhere around the house.

LW is going through all the struggles of being pregnant, anticipating all the pain of childbirth, etc. and the guy is unwilling to stick his dick in her anymore? I mean - if ever there was an attitude or behaviour that disqualifies someone from being relationship material, this surely has to be it. I mean... the guy is sexually abandoning her when she needs him most, and under circumstances where he should be kissing her feet.

Situations are complex, especially when babies are involved, but I can't help but feel this is a DTMFA. At the very least I agree with Dan - go get laid, LW, and feel no guilt.

As for 'strange dick near the baby' I think that's a bit of an odd concern. You want the dick in you, and the dick is a dick of your choosing. One you trust and desire. Right now the baby is physically part of you. I think it's only fair that you get to choose that entire situation and feel zero guilt afterward. Trust yourself to pick the right dick, and enjoy it. What's good for you will almost certainly help the baby in the long run. It will relieve a lot of your anguish and misery, which will make both of you happier.

9

Her reservations about having a strange cock near her unborn baby are probably somewhat similar to her fuck buddy's hesitancy to have his cock near their unborn baby. A lot of guys get weirded out about pregnancy sex. Maybe try talking to him about it and find a compromise involving toys or some other alternative until the kid is born.

10

I suggest turning your fuckbuddy into a husband before the blessed event arrives.

11

This isn't going to solve the whole problem, but I'd start with kicking the guy out of bed. Right now:
1. You're horny
2. You're sharing a bed with a guy you're horny for
3. The guy is "sticking around for the kid, and that's it." I'm not sure if this means that he's staying until the baby is born and then leaving or if he's staying because he thinks it would be good for the baby while he's not the least interested in Sad Mama. Maybe it means he might get interested in sex again after the baby is born? Sad Mama, if you're out there, clarify this for me.

But anyway, whether or not you end up fucking someone else while you're pregnant, you'll surely be less frustrated if the man you want to fuck isn't right there next to you in bed. If he was planning on leaving soon after the baby is born, the sooner he's gone, the sooner you can find a fuck buddy who will, y'know, fuck you. You don't say what your financial arrangement is with the father your child. You might be keeping him around because you'll make great co-parents. Treat him kindly, but get him the hell out of your bed.

12

Stop begging and crying and saying and start doing. Do what men have had to do since time immemorial: seduce him. Cuddle, kiss, caress until he wants to fuck.

13

First time commenting here but a very long time reader.
There are a thousand different ways to get your partner off without putting a penis in a vagina. Is he really not interested in any of these options for intimacy? Then I really think the letter writer and her buddy have some things to talk about.

14

Pick up a hot dude that's into women who are pregnant, either as Dan suggested (Fetlife), or using a regular dating site. I can see going the fetish angle maybe not being the most comfortable option, as that's sort of exploiting the pregnancy, especially considering she's uncomfortable with having a random dick near her baby in the first place. I'm sure there is a Good Samaritan on Ok Cupid (or dating site of choice) that would love to be of service.

Would having sex without PIV scratch that itch? Him eating you out, him using your fancy dildo on you, you reciprocating with hands, mouth, etc. It's still sex, and it can still involve penetration at the hands of another without the dick being near the baby.

15

Sucks to be you, LW, but you’re probably too far gone to get yourself out of the baby trap. Anyway, my suggestions are:
1. Go find another dude to fuck you, seriously. It’s what dudes who lose interest in their pregnant partners do, and they aren’t going to have their cunts ripped open sideways and/or get gutted like a fish during labor. Don’t take my word for it (though I’ve seen this sideshow firsthand); you can google it. Men are, as a whole, statistically likelier to cheat once they knock up their main bitch. I absolve you of your guilt. Your FWB is a jerk and you don’t owe him much, since he isn’t giving you much.
2. Dump your FWB. Raising a baby alone is better than doing it with a guy like this. You really think it’s gonna get better once the baby comes? If so I pity you
3. Enjoy your sex drive while it lasts.

16

Also 4. If this baby thing doesn’t work out you can drop it off at a fire station for the first couple weeks of life.

17

I'm super unclear on this fuckbuddy relationship. Is he "sticking around for the kid" meaning he's going to co-parent? But you aren't partners, you are buddies who are committed parents and also (ideally) fuck? The vibe I'm getting is friendly divorced parents plus (ideally) fucking? Okay, on consideration I guess I have wrapped my head around it maybe.

Oh go away abortion trollwankers.

18

@3. Calliope. Ah, good answer. I think her guilt would be irrational anyway--'there was some strange non-paternal dick near my baby!'--really, so what?--but it may not arise with a strap-on.

/break/
I was confused by how she played up everything to do with her horniness and downplayed her future coparenting arrangements with her fuckbuddy. She says he's 'staying around' for the baby. Like, he'll be a hands-on father? For how long? And he sleeps in her bed every night? Why? If he's only her fuckbuddy? This is closer to a companionate cohabiting arrangement. Is there a financial motivation for their sleeping in the same room?

Evidently he has no claim on her sexually, no claim on her faithfulness. This must be what she means by 'that's it'. But it's still an abrupt thing to say. And how can someone in such an unusual situation know in advance what Dan will say? Sure, go out and have sex, if you can live with your own prospective form of guilt. But it's strange, in seeking advice, that you can separate the sexual and other areas of your life so decisively.

There's nothing to suggest you won't be an excellent mother, and good luck with motherhood!

19

@17. Mtn Beaver. They could be divorced, but the vibe I got was that she was at the age when it was time to have a child, and an older friend not that into her sexually wanted the same thing.

@8. KBW. He's a fuckbuddy. There can be no question of abandonment.

@10. Raindrop. Leaving her with a sexless marriage? Way to go.

@11. Fichu. This is good advice, and I also considered the financial angle. I thought it possible he was a committed parent in principle staying for the long haul. If this is the case, she should work out her freedom to date and their coparenting responsibilities with him now. Like, before the baby arrives.

@12. Centrists. But what if he doesn't? Want to fuck? Should she harass him? He's a fuckbuddy. Neither are under any obligation. If he is a genuine FB, she can have sex with another guy without it negatively affecting her child's future.

Discreetly asking round her male friends, 'hey, do you know anyone who has a thing for pregnant women?' would be better advice than yours.

@9. Ad Nauseam. Why should he be the guy she has sex with? Why isn't advice that she get over her phobia about a strange dick near her womb better?

@13. Cottontailfarm. But why this guy? Why does she need to have sex with him?

@14. rachyk. Good advice.

@15. rowing. Why on earth would an abortion be called for? There are two people we know of who will potentially love this child.

The comments are all over the place today. This suggests to me that the more individual the circumstances, the less people are to respond to what writers actually say in their letters.

20

Strange story. Fuck buddy who has moved into the LW’s bed and is no longer a fuck buddy anyway. I’m with Fichu@11, “ ...get him the hell out of your bed.”
You are pregnant LW, you don’t need the added stress of a live man next to you ever night, who won’t satisfy your wants/ needs. Given the crazy hormones which run thru a pregnant body, these are needs.
Is he really worried about hitting the baby? I don’t think a baby is usually housed in the vagina. Weird attitude, if that’s where his reticence to have sex with you is coming from. Also @5 months, you’re not too far gone, so yes, get cracking.

21

The horniness is the side issue. She has way more fish to fry:

What is the role of the fuck buddy in her future, and in their child's future? Will they marry? Co-parent? Will he give child support? Will he cut and run? Why does he share a bed with her if he's just a fuck buddy, especially since he's currently a fuck buddy who doesn't want to fuck?

Is she going to be a single mom? If so, how is she going to pull it off?

And much more.

Granted, the horniness part is relevant to Dan's column, but it really is a secondary issue. It's a bit like worrying about what color bathrobe to put on while running out of a burning building.

22

The Father in waiting has given up his post LW, of being a fuck buddy, so you need to find another one. And no reason he can’t be in your bed..
You are pregnant, and you and the baby must come first, so do this carefully. Screen any new fuck buddies well, because you don’t need some loony turning up. Go to a sex worker first perhaps, take the heat off your desire, so you aren’t blinded by it in choosing the new fwb.

23

Certainly, SM is entitled to look for sex elsewhere, but it is hard to provide advice when we have limited amount of information about the genesis of this pregnancy; the reasons that Mr. SM, a fuck buddy, has now moved in with SM; or what "sticking around for the baby" means. Complicating things more is the fact that SM is really conflicted about having sex with other men.

Perhaps SM can try a two prong approach. First, expand the definition of sex from PIV to oral sex and toys, and make an ultimatum to Mr. SM. Low libido or not, Mr. SM is going to have to eat out SM most every day and use her new vibrator on her too. Mr. SM doesn't need to find this to be personal turn on, but he needs to do it. I would also argue that Mr. SM should let SM give him a blow job if she wants to play with a cock too. Second, SM can do a soft search for someone with whom to have PIV sex. If she finds someone with whom she is attracted and feels safe, then by all means have that man over for sex, but I would be extra careful in vetting anyone.

Personally, I am bit reluctant to send SM to FetLife in search of a pregnancy fetishist, especially if she has never had any connection a kink scene.

24

Eh, I'm usually pretty anti-cheating, but is it really cheating if he's just a fuckbuddy? That being said, she really should get a full STD test from any potential fuckbuddy first, including herpes, as there is risk to the fetus.

25

I'm trying to figure out why all the talk is about dudes with fetishes. If she's generally attractive then most guys will totally be into a NSA arrangement.

When my partner was pregnant with our two kids, she was on the celibacy train. 18 months of me and the hand. Different people respond to pregnancy in different ways. But I agree with others that this guy probably doesn't want to fuck because he feels trapped. He was willing to fuck without protection so he created his own trap.

26

I'm not sure why you're sharing a bed with the ex-fuck buddy/father of your unborn child, but I can't imagine it's because both of you thought it would be a great idea.

This situation sounds like it sucks. I'd say go get yourself some. You're going to be an emotional wreck either way, you might as well enjoy some sex while you're at your horniest. At least this way you have some agency over your emotional state, which might be in short supply these days. Just make sure you have someone around to support you afterwards as you'll probably need it.

Dan's advice on where to look is probably spot on, which is why women find themselves writing to a gay guy for pregnancy sex advice. I'd expect someone on Fetlife up front about what they're into would be a better experience than someone on Tinder who might not be. Yes, it'd be a fetish, that doesn't mean it won't be fun or satisfying or that the guy isn't otherwise in good working order.

27

SA@23, sometimes for a vagina haver, a hard cock is what’s required. Not a mechanical toy, though daily oral could be an add on. This woman wants cock, and whatever the arrangement is with Father to be, he doesn’t own her body, he’s not interested in giving her what she wants.. so he needs to graciously step aside and let her be.

28

@1, Commie is back?

My first question is why is she sharing a bed with her FWB every night? Second question, why is he sleeping in her bed when he knows she desperately wants to have sex and he doesn't? That seems like unnatural cruelty to me. Which leads to my third question, why are people with such a screwed up relationship bringing a child into the world? Ugh.

Woman, this guy doesn't want to fuck you. If you didn't want to fuck a guy and he kept badgering you, that would be sexual harassment, right? So stop. Either you fuck a different guy or you stick with your vibrator. You know these are your choices, right? As for the idea of a dick being next to your baby, the foetus is safely behind your cervix, protected from in vitro sexual contact. (Why would it be OK for the father's dick to be near it but no other dick? Either the kid is aware of a dick or not.) If this is something she can't get over... hello? Oral sex and anal sex are options. As is looking for sex partners outside of your small town. Put a non-face profile on Tinder and/or Fetlife and block anyone local who messages you. My sympathies; I can only imagine what these hormones are doing to you.

29

Yes, he resents her.. he’s not just clueless.
If he’s on board for the baby, he doesn’t need to hover over this woman. Punishing her nightly is not good for his baby, so he needs to cut it out and start listening to what she needs.
A fifty year old eh, harder to shift, so you’ve got to move the ground rules, LW, and do it as adults, welcoming a new born in four months.

30

It's gotta be the hormones. Her own body trying to force her to pair-bond with the father of the child. Hormones are such assholes.

31

Sporty @6, perhaps only LWs who are in age-difference relationships mention the respective ages?

Beaver @17, yes, fuck off abortion trollwankers and marriage trollwanker (Raindrop) and rape trollwanker (Centrists). The last thing one should do with a crappy relationship is make it legally binding. Of course she can't and shouldn't have an abortion, but she should abort this relationship, or at least find separate living arrangements. This is nothing but a sexless marriage without the marriage.

Harriet @19, or the pregnancy was accidental but she decided to keep it because of that ticking clock thing, or a moral objection to abortion. Though indeed adoption is an option, so she must want to be a mostly single mum, whether she/they planned it or not.

Music @21, presumably they have worked out all those other questions. Dan is a sex advice columnist, not a life coach.

Sublime @23, wait, what? Force the guy to have sex. You can't mean that.

Surfrat @25, there's that word "most" again. Really? A majority of guys would be DTF a heavily pregnant woman? Unfortunately, Google isn't shedding any light on this -- I've found some articles on men who have a fetish for pregnant women, and some discussing sex with pregnant partners, but nothing on how many dudes would have casual sex with a woman who is already pregnant. Evo-psych would support a theory that most men would be put off, as a woman who is already pregnant has zero chance of turning his seed into a kid. Surfrat, got any links?

Mike @26, good points that the cohabiting may be of financial necessity (but seriously, most of us at least own a couch) and that a pregnancy fetishist may be her best bet because he won't want to continue the arrangement after she has the kid and is too busy for him anyway.

32

I find it interesting that when a guy writes in and says his wife/partner won't have sex because she is pregnant or has a small child, the advice is suck it up, wait it out and masturbate, yet several people here have suggested it's fine to pressure or even force this guy to have sex with SM in her pregnancy because she is horny. Hmm.

33

LW: The problem, as I see it, is that you and the fuck buddy are trying to act like June and Ward Cleaver merely because you are pregnant (a temporary condition that goes away, I assure you, though I completely understand how those hormones can make it feel like forever! I'm pregnant with my third atm). I have no issues with two people trying to raise a child as long as they can put their egos aside for the sake of the kid, and since you did not go into this arrangement as strict-mono couple, it seems silly to me that you are trying to pretend it is one until you have the baby. Stop it. You're fuck buddies having a kid. Done. Do what you have done before. Now, my big warning is this: Those hormones raging through you right now are going to give way to nesting instincts which can last a fairly long time after baby is born. Come to terms NOW that your partner can fuck other people and that you will never use your child to guilt him into being the "faithful dad". You may think that you would never do that in a million years, but look at what parental hormones are doing to the both of you (both parents get them, btw) and you're only just pregnant. Work it out now and hopefully you''ll be prepped for when the kid hits 2 years old and you think "Aw.. I want another...."

34

@19: Why do you think it's sexless after the baby is born?

35

"I have begged, I have cried, I have bargained. I am getting nothing." Begging and crying are more likely to repel a partner, not seduce them.

36

Having a baby by yourself is a scary proposition, so I understand why LW has latched on to her fuck-buddy. But if you weren’t prepared to do that you shouldn’t have had unprotected sex! Time to start acting like an adult and take responsibility for this baby you have created because the only thing worse than having a baby alone is having a baby and being stuck in a relationship with a dick who “stuck around for the kid and that's it.” Get this guy back to part-time status where he belongs and start building your future! Maybe the sex aspect will return once he doesn’t get the daily dose of “Oh, fuck, this isn’t what I signed up for.” And, do you really want a guy with that attitude for a fuck-buddy? “Building your future” starts with prioritizing yourself first, baby second (because it will need a mom in good working order) and everything else third. So, get your shit together and do what needs to be done. And maybe the first thing that needs to be done is to get over this idea that your baby can’t be “next to a different dick than what made it.” So, stop crying, begging and bargaining like a fourteen-year old and start acting like a 34 year old woman who made the choice to bring a life into this world.

37

Why exactly is it that your barely-now-fuck-buddy now lives with you in your bed? If we asked him, would he really call himself your fuck buddy?

I doubt that. I think the letter writer spun it this way to direct us towards the question she wanted answered. As such I don't have any intention of answering it.

38

He is NOT a fuck buddy , they do NOT stay the night . A fuck buddy is just that - have a fuck and then go away until the next time .

39

@37 p.s.
In other words letter writer, stop lying to us. Come back to us with the truth is you want an answer.

40

IF you want

41

Ms Fan - It would be fascinating to see the response to a letter along these lines if both partners were trans and he were the pregnant one.

I could argue this as either toxic beliefs about masculinity or toxic beliefs about femininity.

42

Very strange situation. I’ve never known anyone to live with a fuckbuddy (maybe in the same dorm or big student house) but “fuckbuddy” generally does not equal “person I create a household with” in my world. I’ve rarely slept with fuckbuddies and I can’t imagine a situation in which I’d regularly share a bed with one. So which is it? Is he a fuckbuddy who was there at the right time to help LW become a mother? Or is he a life partner/roommate/family member equivalent?

The answer to the sex question might be different with different circumstances. LW doesn’t even mention if they have a monogamous commitment (seems not but then he is not having sex with anyone else and it seems she isn’t either, so... ?)

Not knowing more, I suggest borrowing the answer to the other question today. Swingers clubs. You should find many experienced fathers there who have been through their partners’ pregnancies. Some might love having sex with pregnant women but they never get the chance anymore once they’ve had all their kids.

The “dick next to my baby” problem: use a condom, there’s a barrier, feel better?

If this is still an issue, seek therapy. It’s a weird thing to fixate on and may signal coming difficulties in having a sex life after you become a mother. For me, maternal feelings and sexual feelings are two entirely different states of mind, and it is not possible for those two states to coexist simultaneously in my mind. But most mothers continue to want sex after the baby is born once their body recovers. So if you see a growing motherhood/sexuality disconnect in yourself you may want to address that now.

Side note to “widow” question with dysfunctional comment section, I don’t like that word either. Just say you’re single. To more prodding by casual acquaintances, say you’re newly single after the end of a long relationship. If you start getting to know someone in particular better, then tell your story, without using the W word. And casual friendships with fuckbuddies or casual sex is absolutely the way to go for you right now! Good luck, be safe, have fun.... just don’t let any of them move in or get you pregnant!

43

@24 That's what I was thinking too. Herpes is mostly cause for a C section, but some STI's can cause permanent in-utero damage to the fetus and even cause a miscarriage. If it were me, a full STD report from a rando fuckboy would not be good enough. I don't know where his dick was last night, even if the report says he was clean last week. I can't say what another woman should do, but personally I would just use the vibrator another 3 months rather than risk blinding or killing my baby with an STD.

44

@43 I agree she should consider STI risk given the potential consequences of contracting a STI during the final trimester of pregnancy, but concerning herpes specifically, she may already have it (very common among pregnant women) and/or her fuck buddy may already have it (very common among single 50 year old men), so who knows if a new partner would be introducing that specific risk. I do agree that if one is ever to be concerned about it, the final trimester of pregnancy is the appropriate time, but odds are good at least one of these two already has it, so not enough info from LW to know if the concern applies in this case.

45

@28 BDF, mic drop and done. This is all you need to read today LW. Good Luck.

46

@42 Squidgie, it seems to be working now. The comments on the widow letter.

47

Bojimbo @38, a fuck buddy might stay the night -- it's a lot more comfortable to stay naked in a nice warm bed after sex, and transport might be an issue (do they drink/smoke weed before sex? Is it a public transport arrangement where the buses/subway have stopped running?). But a fuck buddy definitely does not stay EVERY night. Given his age, it's unlikely he has nowhere else to sleep, so indeed SM, what's going on here?

48

STI’s are a worry LW, for the baby’s healthy development. You must take this into account in finding a new lover. While I empathise with your desire, you are not just thinking for one during this time. And you’ve got another four months to go, during which time the baby doubles in size.
Of course you can’t make the Father in waiting, have sex with you, as Fan has pointed out.
You could have a solid heart to heart and find out why. If he’s afread to hurt the baby, disabuse him of this. Of course he can’t go putting his full weight on top of you, also lying on your back is hardly an option. Lots of ways to have sex, while pregnant. From behind is an easy one. Talk with him.. because his behaviour doesn’t compute. If he is only a fuck buddy or was one, then what’s his story? Is he standing guard or something, being in your bed.
If he’s going to be there for the tasks ahead, rearing his child, then you two need to talk straight, with each other. A baby is coming.

49

People sure have a lot of patience or free time or something to answer a question even though the letter writer is lying to us so we don't know what's going on.

50

Don’t be a Sad Mama, lots of lovely times ahead for you, and Father in waiting. You two do need to focus on the main game. Have you gone to ante natal classes together yet? Is this overwhelming of desire, a diversion from facing the truth. And the fact this job is best done, ie having a baby, when one is prepared. Books from the library about birthing etc. if you two did this research together, things might change between you. If he’s going to do the work, then you have to find ways to negotiate with him, as co parents. If not lovers.
Dan giving you a pass to go hunting men, won’t change the conditions of your life, and the task you’ve taken on, together with the Father in waiting.
The sex bit, he might change his mind if you two grew into your future a bit better. I still think your best bet is find a decent sex worker. One who is clean and you may need to pay good bucks. I know this is difficult in the US, sex work being hidden and illegal. Find a man who is a health nut, hoping he’s as concerned for his sperm as he is for the rest of his body.

51

@49: Yeah, but so what? The resulting commentary, like from LavaGirl and BiDanFan, is still interesting.

52

Hey folks, Whatif just noticed that his letter-of-the-day made the column (9 days ago), and has entered /that/ Comments thread now at https://www.thestranger.com/savage-love/2020/01/21/42623797/savage-love/comments/102

53

He’s on the ball. What was his question. It’s hard enough to stay focused on one.

54

Talking of pregnancy, I get flutters in my womb/ belly area. Take care of yourself LW, and your growing baby. A pregnant mothers’ group helps during this wonderful time, which it is, when you face off to the fear factors. Incredible to make another human. And a gigantic responsibility, one best taken on in bits. The best tip I’ve got for you, if you’re having a vaginal birth, is to groan into the contractions. Good luck to you.

55

Correct that to a pregnant person’s group.

56

Pregnant biological females' group?

57

Just kidding. "Pregnant person" is descriptive enough.

58

My main question, though, is why the troll @1 used so many semicolons in their username. Can someone have a semicolon fetish?

59

First rule of fuck buddies is that you're not the go to primary squeeze. Sure he's hanging around etc but he's not obligated to continue fucking you.

In fact, every time he pops a load into you he probably sees it as yet another year of college tuition payments

60

@51 Absolutely agree!

61

@BDF 31. Haha, When did the comments section for Savage Love become social science. If we're looking for statistical proof to support claims about what people do, why, and when then 99.9% of the comments are going to be read as invalid. This is a forum that relies heavily on inductive reasoning: I would do it, given what people I know tell me they would do it, given what some other people in the comments say show that they would do it, therefore whatever "it" is = truth with a lowercase "t."

But I would add the qualifier I used the first time around: if she is reasonably attractive then I don't think the pregnancy changes guys willing to participate in NSA sex. The reasonably attractive bit is a shitty qualifier, but I'm consistent in my comments on that front: good looking people who can keep their shit together for long enough to seem sane will find sexual partners. The rest of us (either average in the looks department or can't keep it together) will have a tough time. Again, no stats for this, just observation.

Too bad the comments section doesn't have a poll feature. I'd speculate that the men who post here who are into NSA sex with women, won't care if she's pregnant since it's NSA.

62

@25 and @61: I disagree that "most guys" would be into an NSA sexual relationship with a pregnant woman. I cannot imagine having sex with any pregnant woman, unless I were married to her. I doubt very highly that I am an outlier. I'm sure that there are men who would do so, but "most?" (If I were married to a horny pregnant wife--I'd be totally psyched! I am not shaming pregnant women, nor men who would be attracted to them.)

@31: Reading between the lines, it's clear to me that she has not worked out "all those other questions." If they were, would she be writing about a fuck buddy who is the father of her child (huh?), who lives with her (what fuck buddy does that?), but who doesn't fuck or even masturbate her?

I wish her the best. But if you're reading this, LW, you have a lot more on your plate than dealing with your horniness. Best wishes for working through all these issues and more.

63

I do feel for you LW, five months on, the baby starting to kick and take you down the road further into motherhood/ parenthood. And you want to kick up your heels just a little bit more.
Deal with man in bed first. Out of the bed. He finds an appropriate distance, depending on what you two are working out. Which you need to be having chats about, planning ahead type talks. Packing your hospital bag. Buying clothes for new borns. This flighty vibe you are throwing out, much as you hope it, reality is a little bit more solid. So square up to it, you’ve got this.
The sex, I hope you find release, be careful and discerning.

64

Being pregnant is the ultimate in parenthood, so enjoy the process, NewMama.

65

@31. Bi. Other things equal, I'd think it's to the unborn child's benefit that the father will 'stick round', even if that only means making a financial contribution and is time-limited. Though this is a case, maybe, where there are a lot of other things, and we don't know what they are.

@34. Raindrop. You're placing your bets on a miracle. She gets impregnated by a fuckbuddy; lo, the child appears, and the FB turns into a partner. Her FB doesn't want to have sex with her; he reflects on the unborn child, the baby appears, and all of a sudden he does. It doesn't seem likely. Most het couples have less--considerably less--sex after their child is born.

You're also effacing SM's conscious choices. She knows she's having a child with a fuckbuddy, not a romantic partner. You would be misrepresenting the choices that will be open to her as a parent (probably, mostly single parent) if you overwrote her story as a Hollywood movie.

/break/
Since my first comment, a lot of the regulars have showed up, had just the same questions and advised in a measured, humane way. A lot of the time, lw s have a narrow question but contextualise with a lot of eye-opening detail, to the degree that one might think the real question is posed by the contextualisation. Dan usually answers the narrow question. He did here (how does SM get laid?), but rose to the contextualisation with the widowed woman asking how to navigate swingers' clubs. I think many commenters have it, or would have had it, the other way round. Interesting.

66

Curious @49, we're avoiding the news. At least that's my excuse. But does the advice change even if this woman is in denial about how serious their relationship is? It does not. This seems disproportionately upsetting for you (along with the fact that regulars to an advice column offered advice when none was asked for by a follow-up LW). Are you ok?

Curious @52, ASSHOLE aka WhatIf actively participated in the discussion when his letter was first run: https://www.thestranger.com/slog/2020/01/15/42570589/he-wanted-out-so-he-was-an-asshole-until-she-dumped-him-and-isnt-that-better-for-her/comments/43

Surfrat @61, when someone posts a comment that includes a word like "most," that's when. So you just made that up, fine. You'd still bang her; that just proves that SOME guys would still bang her, which you could have said in the first place.
And you're wrong in assuming that no guys wouldn't. In attempting to research your claim, I found this article which reports that quite a few men are indeed put off by the idea of having sex with a pregnant person (thanks, Lava):
https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/all-the-ways-men-feel-about-sex-with-a-pregnant-person-2
Assumptions and projection are all well and good, but one doesn't learn things from this column unless one challenges them and does some research to discover whether one's own preferences really are representative of the public at large. Re your poll suggestion, I also don't think the results of a poll of the SL comments section would be representative of the public at large, since by definition we are more interested in human sexuality and relationships than most people, which is why we are here. That's why I prefer to ask Google. It's generally pretty quick and easy to find out what "most" people really are into if you ask the right question.

Music @62, thank you.

Harriet @65, I never said the father shouldn't stick [a]round. He should be there for the baby, if that's what he's agreed, of course. He shouldn't be in her home at all times, and definitely not in her bed. And Raindrop is trolling, as usual. I'm leaving it alone this time.

Re your break, I often find myself wishing SL was a matchmaking service. The horny pregnant woman and widow should meet up with the socially awkward guys who've written in for some mutually beneficial sex therapy!

67

22-Lava-- Just driving this point home that I and others have made before. You say there's no reason the fuck buddy can't be in the bed. I'd say that in a great many fuckbuddy relationships, staying the night can be fine, sleeping in the same bed without fucking can be fine, but in this particular relationship, Sad Mama is horny, wants sex with the man who made her pregnant, and having him right there without being able to have sex with him (because he's not willing) is driving her crazy, making her unhappy. Getting him out her bed won't solve her whole problem, but it's a first step.

68

BiDanFan @66 My question as to whether that one awkward/inexperienced LW is in the NY metro area is still out there...

...

(KIDDING.)

69

Mostly kidding...

70

If "most men" would be down to bang pregnant women, it wouldn't be a fetish.

71

Hi... I am the woman who wrote this letter...

I should explain a couple things here: I was told 16 years ago I couldn't get pregnant and I haven't been on birth control since, but obvs have used condoms with people I was "new" to. This fuck buddy was more fuck buddy/friend, but we both were not fucking anyone else without a condom and this was the way it was for 6 months before getting pregnant. No one was more shocked to learn I was pregnant than I was. Neither of us considered ourselves in a relationship or had a label aside from friends would would fuck occasionally, and only fuck each other without condoms. Yes, before anyone asks, it is 100% his baby as I wasn't with anyone else anywhere near the proven date of conception.

We have decided to co-parent (hence him sticking around) and live together for the first year or so to help each other both out. We are still friends, but agree there is no chance of any actual relationship - no love or marriage. We both agree to this and neither of us want this.

I did, however, think about a pro... but am so new to this I don't even know where to start. I am certainly capable of "putting myself out there" but being obviously pregnant, I don't know where to look in my area.

I have taken my time and read each and every comment here at least three times. I really appreciate the support and concern and care of complete strangers. Truly I do.

As for people telling me to give the baby up for adoption or abort it... fuck you.

72

Thanks for checking in, Sad Mama, and please tell us your friend will be sleeping in the spare room from now on?

73

@71 Sad Mama
Sorry about our trolls who would presume to tell you what to do with your pregnancy. Yes, fuck them.

Thank you very much for joining us!

I'm so happy for you that you've got a friend committed to sharing the very considerable work of co-parenting. And that you two are (I guess the term is) FWB (friends with benefits). And that y'all are safe with others and (I believe the term is) fluid-bonded with each other.

I don't see why your friend shouldn't sleep in your bed with you whenever y'all want.

But hopefully you do have another bed in another room for when one of you wants to have sex with others (but not both share the others, though feel free to!).

And while this probably sounds obvious, in order to protect the co-parenting partnership y'all plan, I'd advise bringing up this subject: make sure you both are cool with the other being with others. (In other words, confirm that your relationship is something like open.) I know that this is your clear premise, but I think it's important to bring this up because hormones and emotions will be rushing around, and it might be easy to mix together the love and parental-bonding you both have for your baby with the dear friendship you have with each other, have someone get confused and hurt, and have this concoction affect your friendship and/or your co-parenting.

In fact I wouldn't be surprised if surprising feelings emerge, similarly to that it's normal for people in open relationships to have feelings of jealousy that they learn to process instead of being swept away by. I'm not mentioning this to dissuade y'all from anything, just wanted to bring it up so you'll be prepared.

I'm sure that someone (unlike me) who has actually been a parent, and someone (unlike me) who has had an open relationship, can provide very valuable insight into these issues I'm only aware of in theory.

74

@73 p.s.
I guess what I'm imagining possible with "this concoction" might be everything including the "parental-bonding" might manifest as some degree of "pair-bonding" in one or both of you.

75

Sad Mama might want to show FWB this column. Fucking during a healthy pregnancy poses no risk to the baby, other than some mild, late term forehead bruising (JK!) and, being good for Mama's mental health, is probably good for baby too. Get over it, and dick up!

76

Calliope: congratulations on the lucky @69. May your awkward/inexperienced NY metro area prince appear promptly!

77

Not too promptly, I hope! I don't really have time or emotional bandwidth for dating right now with school and everything going on in my family. Thanks, though. I appreciate the thought. ^_^

78

I'm sure your lucky @69 will wait until your situations calm down to where you have a some peaceful free moments. But surf the wave of these good tidings by tinkering with a dating profile to find that awkward/inexperienced prince or someone like them. A bit of tinkering might also help take your mind off all that's going on. Be honest and they will come. Er, maybe that's cum.

79

Oy, the punz. >_<

80

What’s his problem? Lying in her bed and not coming across. Controlling and rude. I’m with Fan, I sure hope NewMama gets that bit done.. him out of her bed. Then she can at least self pleasure in peace, while she thinks what to do about her desires.

81

And I’d say the same for every couple going thru this. Don’t sleep next to someone who won’t have sex with you Ever, when you still want sex. That’s a total mind fuck to me, because sleep is too important to have such disconnect going on between people. Best sleep alone then put oneself thru that torture.

82

LavaGirl - LW describes the six months prior to pregnancy as “friends who occasionally have sex” while having barriered sex with others. Now it is still occasional sex (roughly monthly?) but no others. And I guess due to accidental pregnancy? I don’t see how his behavior has changed at all, let alone how it’s rude. Do you mean his choice to share her bed? I can see how that’s misleading, I guess. Would make more sense to coparent from a separate residence if the goal is to keep the sex and parenting separate. But still, his bodily autonomy should be respected.,

83

@71. SM. Thanks for dropping in. Please ignore the trolls suggesting you get rid of your child. Your response is clear and lucid; I'm at a loss to understand why it would induce 'guilt' in you to have sex with a guy who isn't your baby's father. Also--why are you sleeping in the same bed as your close friend, future coparent and probably--by now--ex-fuckbuddy? Move him to the couch or get a sofa-bed. And--since you will be coordinating in a granular way on the logistics of childcare--coordinate and negotiate on your sex life now: tell him you will be having casual sex, fill him in on the barest outlines of your dating, and make sure he is out the house (or out the bed at least--;) ) when you take someone home.

84

I have had two bubs and was incredibly horny in the second trimester with each one. First trimester I was feeling too tired and nauseous and by the second the nausea had dissipated, i had energy again, loved how my baby was showing and was feeling sexy and hot as hell with both pregnancies. I was lucky that i had a more than willing husband of high libido to fulfill my every whim but times when he was away with work it did drive me crazy enough that my vibrator didn't really cut it and I seriously considered attempting to find someone interested in doing me & going for it. This is despite the fact that I deeply love my husband and would never otherwise imagine cheating! (There's no way he'd go for an open relationship of any sort) in the end I didnt cheat but my relationship was very committed, unlike yours and in your situation i would go for it. So, dear LW, I know your struggle. I wasn't concerned about a strangers dick near my unborn bub but then i took into account that bub is in its own special space (the membrane surrounding him/her) that the dick comes nowhere close to touching. If that's any consolation, the baby wouldn't have any idea apart from the change in your blood whooshing with your heart beating faster.. just like when you would do anything kind of exciting, exercise etc. Pregnancy is a huge sacrifice of sorts, our unborn bubs take everything they need from us and can leave us feeling like crap so if having a good fuck is going to make you feel better then i say go for it girl!

85

P.s i agree w Mtn Beaver #17 - about the abortion trollwankers - fuck off - LW did not ask for advice on getting rid of baby and this is not the forum for it. Have some respect and stfu.
Also #17 and a few others imagine that you are both intending to co-parent. With the right attitude of healthy respect for each-other and love for the child it can be done beautifully. Wishing LW and bub all the best but I am dubious about FuckBoys intentions towards you - he obvi doesn't care enough about you or respect you enough for carrying the baby with all the giving and sacrifice that entails on your part. If he did - he would surely be looking to compromise so that you can get some relief and pleasure. Good luck LW

86

P.p.s Sad mama #71, i just read your msg after already replying to your post. My advice/perspective remains unchanged bc knowing that babydaddy is committed to co-parenting, I feel that he could make some effort to meet you halfway at least in satisfying you - since he was the other half of the equasion to you in making this baby and you are by virtue of being the baby incubator abd birther the one to put the most effort and work into the baby before its even born. He could be giving you back rubs, getting off with dildo etc, running aromatic candle lit baths for you to relax in, running out at 2am to buy your favourite craved food or bevvy, etc etc. He is not co-parenting if he is simply reaping the benefit of living at YOUR house, sleeping in YOUR bed. How does he carry half the load, Sad Mama? That would be my main concern right now.

87

Yes futurecatlady @82, his bodily autonomy has to be respected. His rudeness is shown by having already ignored her requests for sex and then from his own side moving out of her bed, so she can find other sexual partners. He lies there night after night, knowing she has desire for sex. He’s rude and sadistic.

88

NOT moving out of her bed.
If he doesn’t want any sexual contact with her, that’s his business. So what’s his game sleeping in her bed? This man is assuming way too much here and needs to back off and do what needs to be done during Mama’s pregnancy, the birthing and beyond. However this baby came along, takes two to create new life, so if he’s using guilt tactics to control Mama, he needs a wake up and a grow up call.

89

@LavaGirl There's no indication as to how the sleeping arrangements evolved. LW says they are choosing to live together as friends for about a year to help each other out with the baby. Maybe the space is very small so it made sense to them to share the bed, even though they are friends, who knows. I agree it would be better for them to sleep in separate beds, but I don't see anything about game playing.

90

Have mutual oral sex.

Your unborn baby won't care whose face is between your thighs. Nor will it care if you have a penis in your mouth.

Keep in mind, your unborn baby won't care, regardless, and won't be harmed by you having massive orgasms. (unless the doctor says otherwise)

Keep in mind, also, that before humans learned how sperm works, there were cultures that encouraged women to sleep with lots of men as it was believed to strengthen the baby.

91

Futurecatlady, call it what you will, he is ignoring her desires and not showing some care and finding alternative sleeping arrangements. Indicating he’s thoughtless and lacking in empathy. Rude, whether he’s conscious of it or not.

92

@66 BiDanFan
[Note to Sad Mama: You probably want to skip this long comment as it mostly refers to a side conversation about another letter the previous week. Even the small part that does address your letter became inapplicable to you after your very helpful update @71]
"WhatIf actively participated in the discussion when his letter was first run"

Yes I know; I did too. I should have added the word "also" to be more clear. I see my phrasing was ambiguous, but I did imply we knew he knew he had a letter-of-the-day (how would we know that if he hadn't participated?), and I tried to imply that it was additional participation by emphasizing "/that/ Comments thread"...but yes I should have added the word "also" to make it clear, sorry.

"Are you ok?"

Aw, thanks for asking. I'm about as ok as usual, thanks. (Though my usual isn't really what I could call "good", to be honest.)

But I know what you're implying, you're looking for whether something is wrong with me to explain where I'm coming from.

I do see the connection between the two threads. It's an occasional theme of mine that stretches back a long time. Basically, (one of the reason's I'm not exactly "good" is that) I'm impossibly busy, so time spent writing and reading pearls of wisdom is difficult for me if the value of spending that time seems questionable.

/The Other Letter/
WRT the other letter, I went back and re-read the Comments from the update back on the 24th, to remind myself what made me uncomfortable.

Big picture, while that LW had done something terrible, I'm feeling protective of her because of what we learned in her update:

"I was in so much pain...doing such an awful thing...I felt like I did not deserve to live. I lost some friends...intense inner turmoil, guilt, and shame...a direct result of my own actions...mourned...privately and alone...miserable"

I know it seems odd that I'm concerned about harshness towards a LW, but the infrequent times I do it are to get people to see themselves when they don't already. Not to kick people when they're down, when they already see themselves, when no good can come of it. That just seems mean, cruel. Particularly because we had every reason to expect that the traumatized LW was reading the comments because her update said she read the original comments. I know this is just the Internet, but LW's are real people with real problems.

But back to the comments:

I agree with Dan's patented advice that "sparing your partner a painful truth is sometimes the most loving thing a person can do" instead of unburdening oneself at one's partner's cost. I was troubled by how many of the Commentariate I most respect was for painful truth. I do think this is a reasonable POV, I just question it's practical value so I agree with Dan.

I was more troubled when I saw comments ranging to vile that she was just trying to get us on her side. Which seems illogical to me, since she was just giving us an update, not asking for advice, so why would she be trying to get people on her side that she hadn't asked for advice? (I'll call back to this later.)

Then I had to comment after reading you say "PERHAPS she doesn't deserve to die for her actions"(1).

While re-reading, I did have new appreciation of the context in which you said she should get a new job: because her husband doesn't know that while they were separated, for a month after she'd told him they'd stopped she continued to sleep with Todd. So I agree it would be good if getting a new job was a practical option (just as I already agreed that if he wanted her to).

Your advice had been great originally; because she didn't take it her update made it clear she had already gone through hell and is now traumatized by it. But at this point I saw no good purpose in adding to her trauma with advice and piling on she hadn't asked for, that was too late to be greatly valuable or even needed, that we didn't know if the husband even wanted, and that she would probably have already done were it practical.

You wrote(2) suggesting getting a new job was "the smallest price she should be willing to suffer for her transgression." But she had already suffered the far far greater price of not taking your advice to pay that same price earlier. That price was no longer something that would help anyone including (as far as we know) her husband. It felt pointlessly cruel to me to see her asked to pay that price now for as far as we know very little benefit, and cost we know nothing about. I wondered if it, for her not taking your May advice, was an "I told you so"?

It doesn't seem right to me for a traumatized person to get this treatment as thanks for providing us with an update. (If we really like to get updates, this doesn't seem like the way to show our appreciation.)

I'd already said this stuff scattered in a bunch of comments and threads, so when you write that it

"seems disproportionately upsetting for you (along with the fact that regulars to an advice column offered advice when none was asked for"

I'm thinking, we're not just advice-giving machines, we can choose to not voice advice that will be gratuitously painful.

Now on to the new letter; please note that this was written before the Sad Mama's update @71 (I'm gonna post it as-written because it was relevant before @71, and changing the tense to apply after @71 would be really confusing):
[Note to Sad Mama: OK, here comes the small part of this long comment that was about your letter but only before your very helpful update @71 made it no longer applicable to you, so at this point you probably want to skip what comes next...]
"But does the advice change even if this woman is in denial about how serious their relationship is? It does not."

With this new letter, the lie was I think the elephant in the room. It, not the question she asked, is the more important issue.

Oh, and we don't know that she's in denial about anything.

(I didn't really want to get into this. My whole issue is that I don't have the time, or desire, to explore all the possibilities which might lead from things unreliable narrators have not been truthful about telling us. But there are some possibilities that I think should make us extremely unwilling to be accomplices by giving this letter writer advice.)

Maybe as you imply she truly cared enough to promote her fuckbuddy to some kind of live-in relationship. In which case she lied to us, to avoid hearing anything from us about the real situation. For example about how to approach this relationship she might have, or to be truthful with him about wanting to having it be opened up or something.

Or maybe she just lied and TOLD HIM that she did (promote her fuckbudby to some kind of live-in relationship). In other words, maybe (as I thought it was obvious I was implying @37), she really has all along thought of him as just a fuckbuddy she's only willing to have be involved in her child's life, in exchange for all the help (including financial) that, given the vast commitment in time and money it is to have a child, she might for all we know very well be willing to deceptively trap him into.

These are the kind of possibilities (all unethical to one degree or another) that make me unwilling to be an accomplice by enabling her by delivering any pearls of wisdom I might or might not have. (On a tangent, while I didn't read all the comments I noticed a very insightful comment by you @28 suggesting that much of this could be something "these hormones are doing to you"; but I still want the guy to get the truth.)

And these possibilities somewhat trigger me, having myself been subject to deceitfulness, including being used for help with children.

But as for her actual question (which as always, and as you can see, I don't think is always the question that most needs addressing) about wanting to have sex, you're right it doesn't change completely.

The (to me strange) concern about having another dick near the fetus might be addressed differently based upon whether or not she has feelings for the bio-father whose dick is the only one she wants near it. I barely know what to say about this to begin with, I'd absolutely want all the true info I can get to answer it.

And more importantly, if (one of the endless possible truths I noted just two of) she's lying to him to use him, maybe stopping that and getting him out of her bed and home would be a good first step towards her desire to have sex? (So no, I don't think it's true that not lying to us could not change the advice.)

Oh, and as one can infer from my @73, I could not be more thrilled that the truth we got in her update @71 so wonderfully set to rest the kind of concerns we had (and that led me to feel we needed to know more.)

(1) https://www.thestranger.com/slog/2020/01/24/42644362/a-pair-of-updates-wannabe-adulteress-evergreen-advice-and-topping-tips-reader-advice-roundup/comments/11
(2) https://www.thestranger.com/slog/2020/01/24/42644362/a-pair-of-updates-wannabe-adulteress-evergreen-advice-and-topping-tips-reader-advice-roundup/comments/28

93

@92 p.s.
Oops, I wrote
"I was more troubled when I saw comments ranging to vile that she was just trying to get us on her side. Which seems illogical to me, since she was just giving us an update, not asking for advice, so why would she be trying to get people on her side that she hadn't asked for advice? (I'll call back to this later.)"

Then I forgot to call back to it. As I already mentioned in other threads, a couple /other/ LW's who were asking for advice /didn't/ have their 'trying to get us on their side' questioned.

For example the LW who told us he was not a full incel and that both recent GF's said he was a sex criminal. In fact people proposed that the problem was not with him but with the 'grapevine' effect, aka the 'telephone game' where a message gets garbled. (In my experience the last person in a telephone game gets a garbled message like "Mambo dogface to the banana patch", not "X is a sex criminal".)

94

@1 has it (despite the user name suggesting trolling) - end this pregnancy before completing gestation, if it's at all still an option. You're in the midst of procreating with someone you didn't select on the basis of parenting compatibility - "fuck buddy" - and you also sound like you ha e some hang-ups around procreating - "I am worried if I have sex with someone else that I will always have this guilt that my baby was next to a different dick than what made it" (fucking yikes) - that don't sound likely to contribute to a healthy parenting worldview.

So my advice is very much to not birth a child with a semi-rando who is only continuing a relationship with you because of the fetus. It is, of course, still your call; I'm just not sure there's much advice to offer regaring how to make a very bad decision any less problematic in practice.

95

@71: I got to your response. Nope, fuck you. Having a child is the single most selfish action any human being can take. You're cursing another human to experience the misery of existence (even if one has an overall good life, it still involves misery, and thaths the absolute best case) with no chance of input from that person. There is thus a massive ethical obligation to avoid procreating in problematic circumstances, becaise ALL of the consequences fall upon someone not involved in the decision. It's necessary for the continuation of the species, which is the only justification (assuming that we accept the premise that humans existing is good), but it's always problematic, and your story, especially with the follow-up, has convinced me that you, in particular, should not reproduce.

96

Horstman @95: First, get a vasectomy and then, immediately after that, go fuck yourself. You are a massive, clueless twat.

97

I honestly can't think of anything more loathsome than a clueless twat telling a pregnant woman, who wants her baby, that she should get an abortion because HE doesn't think she or her circumstances are good enough.

98

@69 CalliopeMuse: It's late into the thread but---WA-HOOOOO!!!! Congrats on scoring tis SL comment thread's Lucky @69 Award !! Savor the luscious decadence. :)
@71 sad mama: As the LW, thank you for joining us and clarifying some of the circumstances in your letter to Dan.

99

......and this SL comment thread's lucky Big Hunsky winner IS............

100

What are you going to name the little bastard?

101

Curious @92, I don't really want to get into it either, but do fuck off with your implication that my "perhaps she doesn't deserve to die" implies that I meant that perhaps she does. Ugh. What I meant was that death is a consequence too far, but she does deserve to suffer some consequence for her actions, and as we extensively discussed, the consequence I think is fair is leaving that cushy job of hers in order to show her husband she respects him enough to sever all contact with her affair partner. As it is she has suffered nothing more than her own guilty conscience. That may be enough consequence for you, but we can have differing opinions, can we not?

I think we are all testy due to current events, so I'm going to leave things here.