Like this. But more hospital beds.
Like this. But more hospital beds. Alena Paulus/Getty Images

Good news, soccer fans: A Shoreline soccer field is the new location of The Shoreline Temporary Field Hospital. The name has a nice ring to it. The Shoreline Temporary Field Hospital will have 200 beds and will house “people exposed to, at risk of exposure, or becoming ill with the novel coronavirus.” Score! (King County still needs around 3,000 additional beds).

No new infections in China: Three months after the outbreak began, China has reported no new local infections. If there are 14 straight days without infection then the outbreak will be considered over. Infections and deaths in Europe have surpassed China—there are over 82,000 cases and more than 3,400 dead.

Hey, idiot young people: New reports are showing that 38 percent of the people hospitalized in the U.S. are adults aged 20 to 54. Anyone can get this and it can be bad for anyone.

Look at these dummies: I am relishing in their bad choices. Going on camera and saying these dumb things is number one in my book, closely followed by "being insensitive community members."

If you read one thing today: Let it be this Seattle Times investigation of Life Care, the Kirkland nursing home at the center of the COVID-19 outbreak. It's worth a subscription, to all the inevitable paywall whining in the comments.

A silver lining? Air quality across the globe is drastically better what with all the working from home and staying inside. Air pollution in Seattle is 32 percent lower than it was this time last year. Damn, the world really said "turn it off and on again" with this pandemic.

Some weather: This is a weather update from like 1 a.m. this morning but I figure not much can change in a day, right?

A nurse named Lupe Hernandez invented hand sanitizer: She was a student nurse in Bakersfield, CA in 1966. Thanks, Lupe.

Winner of "Most Isolated Human Being" record dies: Astronaut Al Worden never walked on the moon, he manned Apollo 15 while other astronauts were on the moon. Worden "earned a world record as 'most isolated human being' while his crewmates roamed the lunar surface, and he was 2,235 miles away from anyone else." He is dead now.

Things currently making my blood boil: This collection of random celebrities singing "Imagine" by Jon Lennon. I hate it.

Playboy Magazine is shutting down: Probably forever. Dwindling circulationg mixed with a dash of pandemic means only bad news for the print business. Ask anyone!

Amazon shuts down a warehouse: After one of its workers tested positive for COVID-19 at Queens, New York delivery center. Workers originally found out about the confirmed case from a group of workers, not management. Allegedly, management tried to get the workers to come into work. Amazon has paid all its workers $2 extra until the end of April as hazard pay.

Can the internet take all this extra bandwidth usage? The European Union is sweating over whether the internet can take all the strain of people working from and kids home from school watching HD Netflix all the time. The EU wants Netflix and other streaming services to slow down streaming and quit using HD so that everyone can use the internet.

An FYI: Emergen-C cautions against mixing vitamin powder with liquor to make 'quarantinis'.

Bad news, soccer fans: English football soccer has been suspended until at least April 30. This is great news for anyone whose significant others decided on a whim to "get into" European soccer this year. Bad news for soccer, though.

This is how you fix me, too: NASA fixes ‘stuck’ InSight Mars lander by "telling it to hit itself with shovel."

The New York Stock Exchange is closing its floor: And moving online. Social distancing exists even on Wall Street.

Here is Anthony Hopkins and his equally ancient cat:

Fuck it: The world is ending. My internet taste I guess has reverted back to just "cat videos." So, here. Take it.