The Parks Are Closing, Keep Your Germ Group Inside




What a spoiled, self indulgent little pig you are. There’s an extremely dangerous virus being spread in our community. Less than one month ago, this city had both the highest number of cases and deaths in the country. You’d like to revisit that?

This is the reason why I hate Boomers. They’re always only thinking about their greedy little selves. If they could turn a profit from killing the entire town, they’d do it, even if they themselves die as a result. And here you are, exemplifying that very principle.

Why are we trying to save these assholes? This generation wants to die- they’re so horn6 for death, they’re attacking the very people trying to save their lives. Fuck it, let’s just put them all on a bus to some beach so they can have one last party in the sun together before they all drop dead of COVID. We’d be better off not wasting the resources on you pigs. You want to die that badly? Fine, hurry up and go. Git. We’re sick of you spoiling everything from the environment to housing to college anyway. Let’s put all you self indulgent aging bastards onto a plane together so you can cough and sneeze each other to death before the damn thing even lands.

Fuck all of you.


Thank god Seattle is a low density city. After this pandemic passes I hope everyone will thank our unsung heroes, the single family home owners, who fought to keep tenements out of most of the city.


Ben’s dead, baby. Ben’s dead.


@7, Your progressive politicians at work.


@2 We wouldn't want to turn a profit by killing the entire town. But you, sure.


Stuck inside with the ones you love can be stressful. Do you have trouble falling asleep at night because the day is so full of stress and you need your time alone?

My Cure: Go to bed 20 minutes earlier than anyone else and once you are settled in tell Alexa to play "The Lark Ascending" by Ralph Vaughan Williams. A shoulder massage of music. Free with Prime.


Joggers should still be at liberty to jog along the outer perimeter trails of our parks.



Go lick doorknobs.


@2, @5, and @14 Wandering Star: Chill out and grow the fuck up. Don't generalize. I am among Baby Boomers in the youngest age bracket--my mid 50s. I am NOT selfish and greedy. I am a Gulf War veteran. I pay my taxes. I vote. I donate blood. I give to Habitat for Humanity, Planned Parenthood, and other local non profit organizations that benefit those who are less fortunate. I couldn't think of a good enough reason to have children , so I didn't. I had to battle my ass off during to avoid pregnancy, which I am not a fan of (for myself, anyway).
Take some deep breaths, go have a cocktail, watch a favorite movie, play some music. And if you're still pissed, just scroll down. You can do it.

Everyone stay healthy, safe, and sane.


@15: Correction: "I had to battle my ass off throughout my 20s and 30s and during an abusive marriage to avoid pregnancy." Why Griz has more unintended omissions and typos when sober, I don't know. Good thing I stocked up on red wine today.


What makes a man like Ringo, Doc?

A dude like Johnny Ringo's got a great big empty Hole, running right thru the Middle of him, Wyatt, and no amount of bullying or belittling or nasty put-downings of other people is ever gonna fill it.

Q. Why is he here?

A. He claims he's pwning the Libs.

Q. How's he doing?

Great. For jr. High.


“We have met the enemy and he is us.”


"If they [Boomers] could turn a profit from killing the entire town, they’d do it, even if they themselves die as a result" -- Wanders

Not All of us.
Even if we could live after.



Bitch, you’re the psycho who posted about shoving everyone into ovens WW2 style, so you’re the last person I’m gonna take moral lessons from.


@21: How old are you, Wanders, 12? Isn't it past your bedtime? Don't listen to the GOP. They're the ones who want people in ovens. They're already separating children from their parents and locking them in cages.
@20 kristofarian: Certainly not i. Wanders is dying of MAGAvirus, and pissed because his Orange Fuhrer said 'everything would be okay'.



You yourself stated that you wanted to shove people into ovens. Not the GOP. And I’m definitely not going to listen to your crazy ass. As for how old I am, let’s talk about whether your insurance will cover your room at Lifecare Center of Kirkland.


Totally lunacy to close off public areas. They're more needed for public wellbeing and sanity now than they were prior to the pandemic. Collective mental health, already skating on thin ice, is poised to plummet for the long term. It will not bounce back post-covid, and actions like these will only hasten the break. What's Durkan's prescription for the accelerated substance abuse, domestic violence, and suicides ramping up as we speak? Nothing but hints of enjoying her augmented authority, with a wink and nod to the moneyed establishment who seek to keep the great unwashed in their hovels.

Ah, but lucky for Durkan, Seattleites in particular and Washingtonians in general are a docile bunch. How easily we've slipped into the mindset of toddlers being scolded for wandering into the neighbor's yard. I've said it before, and no one's listening: the rights that we've taken for granted and are now passively relinquishing will not be automatically reinstated at a to-be-determined date. Too dangerous, you see. Meanwhile, the few scofflaws that got everyone grounded indefinitely will be assembling in backyards, apartment balconies, and alleys, with nary a care.


I'm pissed. I LIVE at Alki. It's MY 'Community Park'. I'm fucking sorry it's an 'Attractive Nuisance' for every Bro/Woo Girl/GangBanger/HarleyPrick/DayTripperFromSomeSuburbanShithole. Now I can't go there, and i can literally spit from my home to the beach.

Yes, living here isn't cheap. I stayed awake in the tough classes, took a shit job and missed weekends and holidays, but I scratched together enough to fucking live here, and I can't cross the fucking street to sit on the beach because every fucking knob from Shoreline to Pacific thinks they have a right to be here when the Governor is begging people to stay home for a few weeks? You can't sit on our YOLO and FOMO long enough to beat this bug? You still have your 'Neighborhood Parks'. What the fuck do I have?

FUCK YOU, you selfish shitheads. This is why we can't have nice things.


Urbanites crying for help. Cal is closed. No yard just a window. Let's make the whole city look like the Europe Utopia.


@23...said a pathetic little 40-going-on-12 year old fool, mad as hell because it'll be at LEAST another four years before his mom lets him use the car. Or allows him to run the errands she feels he's capable of. Like stuffing birds.
"I'm definitely not going to listen to your crazy ass." Yeah, right, Wanders.
And yet you still respond. You're that bored? Or has the formaldehyde set in?


@25: I live in Whatcom County, face Bellingham Bay and the San Juan Islands, but can't go there, either. We will get through this.

Everyone stay healthy, safe, and sane.


Like your testicles?
Those shriveled up raisins that haven't squeezed out a molecule of testosterone in two decades?
What are you even doing out from under you bed?





Maybe if you boneheads in Seattle would've maintained proper social distancing instead of playing a gd softball game at Cal Anderson or having a picnic with six of your friends at Greenlake all within close quarters, we could've kept parks open for people to enjoy in this nice weather with the proper guidelines. Now you get to stay tf home because you ruined it for everyone, you entitled pricks.


Good luck closing off everything outside as the weathers climb into the 60s. You can't police every single person's movement and you'll waste a lot of resources if you try to do so. See you at the beach.


There's gonna be some percentage people breaking the physical distancing rule no matter what, there are too many people and no way to manage them all. You might as well close the parks forever because that's not gonna change. It just punishes the people who follow the rules though. Welcome to prohibition.



Just go later in the evening, after dark preferably. Is the nicest time to be in such places anyway, IMHO at least..


@34 yeah, nothing like Cal Anderson when the junkies and zombies take over and farm boys fresh in from Iowa give out blowjobs in the bushes.


Enjoy your apodments the weekend Sloggers!

Meanwhile, I'll be drinking mint juleps on my lawn, chatting with neighbors and passersby, in my SFH neighborhood with ample space for everyone.

When this is all over I hope the city recognizes the unsung heroism of our low density, SFH neighborhoods that helped stop the spread of corona virus.



Ha ha. Yes, well, I'm physically fit and so more than capable of fending off any sort of threat that may come from a junkie roaming the beach late in the evening, and also comfortable enough in my heterosexuality to reject advances from hunky-ass farm boys huddling underneath the bushes in search of a willing john. Though I understand you miss the mark on both of these fronts, and so may want to adhere to the mayor's order until this thing blows over (no pun intended.)


Avoid Maple Leaf Reservoir Park. It's getting terribly crowded.


It's really all the cars.

Just tow all the cars.

And then sell them for scrap.

Problem solved.


Regarding the homelessness coverage by Ms. Barnett: If Honeybuckets cost $35k/mo construction in this city would grind to a halt. And. Oh look! Most construction projects have been ordered to grind to a halt, so it can’t be a supply and demand issue, now, can it? #warprofiteers


I would like to hear an epidemiologists opinion on this measure, because it seems to me it certainly has a chance of backfiring. Obviously, there are those who have foolishly ignored the social distancing orders and have been mingling with friends in our public parks which risks spreading the disease. However, will closing parks stop these selfish people from meeting up? If they are already willing to violate the mandate in public, it seems likely that they would continue to do so in private, meeting in each others homes and backyards. If private meetings occur, they will likely be in smaller and more enclosed spaces, so will have an increased probability of spreading the disease. So it is entirely possible that closing the parks may lead to more infections than leaving them open, but I would like to hear from an expert on this.


Go and demonstrably enjoy the closed parks this weekend. Maintain social distancing and show the fascists that we don't need to be ruled or threatened. For those who want to enforce, we know that you would have loved to live in East Germany as good Stasi informants. The law must make sense and this directive makes little sense. Every day around here is a weekend and we will need to open up society while the Virus still is out there, or we will just substitute one form of death for another. Use your brains people. Inslee and Durkin are not qualified to lead on this one any longer. The politically motivated loopholes for those activities and people they favor puts the lie to their agenda. The blind exercise of power and the defense of such exercise by way too many sycophants is a lesson that I will long remember. See you in the park.


Just went to Volunteer Park. People there in usual numbers, doing the usual things, in small pods, keeping distance from others. Thrilled to see these people ignoring the politburo, behaving normally in strange times, and saying by their actions that they are going to use their smart discernment and return to normal as we all must do, slowly and carefully. We will remember being treated like errant children come election time. Have no idea what is going on in other parks but assume more of the same. A peoples' revolt of sorts. There is a story there Stranger. Send some reporters to the barricades if you still employ any!