Awww, is somebodys base eroding??
Awww, is somebody's base eroding because people don't like his response to the crisis?? Too bad. WIN MCNAMEE/GETTY

The U.S. Thinks North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un is "gravely ill:" But South Korea says that's not true, reports the Washington Post. The Post cites Daily NK claiming the dear leader went under the knife nine days ago. Kim hasn't been seen in public since, despite the country hosting a few high profile events where he would be expected. The last time he avoided the public for days he was found to have had ankle surgery.

Joe Biden is still trailing Trump on fundraising: The latest numbers from the Federal Election Commission show Biden trailing Trump by a staggering $187 million, according to the New York Times. Biden wasn't even the top fundraiser among the Democrats, so of course he's behind in the general.

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Latest national polls show Biden ahead of Trump: It's obviously still early, but head-to-heads show Biden with a six to seven point lead over the incumbent.

Trump says he's going to stop all immigration: Or at least the little he hasn't already stopped. As batshit southern states begin to open up their movie theaters and barber shops again, in a Tweet on Monday evening the President said he planned to sign "an Executive Order to temporarily suspend immigration into the United States," given the "attack from the Invisible Enemy." Sources told the New York Times "a formal order temporarily barring the provision of new green cards and work visas could come as early as the next few days." He will likely be sued. Since the United States has by far the highest number of COVID cases in the world, I'd guess we're exporting more infections than we're importing. Let's turn now to Twitter for a few brief comments:

The Senate is close to a deal on small businesses funding: We don't have all the details yet, but it looks like the $500 billion package to shore up businesses includes $320 billion for the Paycheck Protection Program and $75 billion for hospitals. The Senate is expected to vote on the totally insufficient package on Tuesday, as states across the country stare down massive holes in their budgets even as the federal government expects them to spend even more on testing.

Looks like Burger King and Popeyes are going to get through this alright: Thanks to the good ol' revolving door.

Tech execs and venture capitalists have decamped to New Zealand: Bloomberg reports that some very wealthy people are holding up in luxury bunkers on the pretty green island nation, which sits about 1,000 miles away from the coast of Australia. I wonder if Bezos is there? His private plane was spotted there in February.

A major R&B battle happened last night: Living legends Kenny “Babyface” Edmonds (fresh off a bout of the old COVID and surrounded by his own candle-lit Grammys) and Teddy Riley of Guy fame faced off in a song battle on Instagram Monday night, according to the New York Post and all of Twitter and Instagram. The two famous singers actually saw more success as producers in the 1990s, so they chose songs from their deep stack of other people's hits and told stories from the past, that is until Babyface busted out a guitar, did an impression of Michael Jackson, and won the battle. Technical issues interrupted the battle on a few occasions, and the live feed crashed once.

Nelly was mad at Babyface in the comments: Presumably for not playing "Someone to Love" by Jon B, an extremely mediocre song with a decent Babyface feature. But maybe Nelly is thinking of some other Jon B song that is actually good? I defy him to find it.

Diddy had the correct take, I think? I'm not sure how proud we should be as a people for crashing Instagram, but that achievement moved Sean Combs, almost as much as the fact of his white beard moved me. I'm now realizing the real terror behind the phrase "gosh I'm so old" lies in the elided phrase "...and the events that trigger this feeling are much more shallow than I imagined they would have been."

Jesus, it was crime time in Seattle yesterday. First, there was a shooting in Tukwila: One person died after an argument led one person to kill another person with a gun, according to the Seattle Times. Police arrested a suspect last night "without incident."

Teen shot in face in Burien: Police have yet to apprehend a suspect after somebody shot a teen boy in the face, sending him to Harborview with "life-threatening injuries," reports the Times.

Home invasion on Mercer Island: Two men busted into the home "brandishing a handgun" and shook down a sleeping couple, according to the Times. Suspects still at large.

Drug thief on Capitol Hill: A man wearing an "N-95 style mask" walked into the Walgreens on 15th Ave E and "fled the store on foot with six bottles of drugs," according to Capitol Hill Seattle Blog.

ICYMI: The biggest mass shooting in Canadian history happened over the weekend: He dressed up like a police officer, killed 18 people, and left "homes in smoldering ruins in rural communities across Nova Scotia," reports the Associated Press. He owned a denture clinic, and, you guessed it: "He had some issues, especially with his girlfriend," according to his neighbor.

Slightly less horrifying ICYMI: A bob of sea lions and a big colony of gulls were spotted "feeding on spawning herring" off the shores of Emma Schmitz Memorial Overlook on Sunday, reports the West Seattle Blog. Pretty cool. There's a lot of em out there.

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It's taking everything in my power: To not drop everything and make Sohla's cinnamon-date sticky buns, though I'd probably only end up eating half of one and then letting the rest go stale on the counter like a monster.