YOU get coronavirus! YOU get coronavirus!
YOU get coronavirus! YOU get coronavirus! WIN MCNAMEE/GETTY IMAGES

Inslee announces which Washington counties can enter into Phase 2: Relieving social-distancing measures is not like a switch, remember, it's like a dial. The first counties that will ease out of Phase 1 (what we're doing right now, total social distancing) will be the lucky ducks in Columbia, Ferry, Garfield, Lincoln, and Pend Oreille counties. The rest of us suckers can enjoy our new normal for just a bit longer, but curbside retail and landscaping will now be allowed. Need a reminder on what those phases are? Here you go.

Pence staffer tests positive: Katie Miller, a spokeswoman for Vice President Mike Pence, has tested positive for COVID-19. Miller is also married to Stephen Miller, a speechwriter and right-hand man for Donald Trump. There's pretty good reason to believe that COVID-19 may have made its way right into the belly of the beast—the White House's inner circle. Here's Trump's nonsensical comment on the diagnosis:

"She's a wonderful young woman, Katie, she tested very good for a long period of time," President Donald Trump said on Friday during a meeting with congressional Republicans at the White House. "And then all of the sudden today she tested positive. She hasn't come into contact with me. She's spent some time with the vice president."

Sponsored
Get Your Tickets for the Savage Love Livestream! Dan answers your burning relationship questions live and all the money goes to Northwest Harvest!

Wait, sorry, there's more:

"This is why the whole concept of tests aren't necessarily great," the president continued. "The tests are perfect, but something can happen between a test where it's good and then something happens and all of the sudden. She was tested very recently and tested negative, and then today I guess for some reason she tested positive. So Mike knows about it and Mike has done what he has to do. I think he is on an airplane, going to some far away place, but you'll be able to ask him later on. But they've taken all of the necessary precautions. I understand Mike has been tested, vice president, and he tested negative."

Churches have some words with state: Oregon churches are suing Gov. Kate Brown because her stay-home orders are, they believe, unconstitutional.

Bad news for Aunt Becky: Lori Laughlin, who was well-known for her role as Becky on Full House but is now more-well-known for (allegedly) paying her daughters' ways into college in Operation Varsity Blues, will still go to trial. A judge refused to dismiss charges against Laughlin and her fashion designer husband and other parents charged with scamming the college admissions system. Their trial will be in October.

I am not on board with this blatant Washington erasure:

You just simply hate to see it: Man killed at Texas airport after 737 lands on him.

The dead people who got stimulus checks must send them back: Says the IRS.

Guess what this is an ad for: Before you get to the end, take your guess on what this is advertising. I'll put a follow-up at the bottom of this post so don't spoil yourself.

The real COVID prince is: Guy Fieri. The official Mayor of Flavortown has raised $20 million so far for restaurant workers.

The men who killed a 25-year-old jogger in February were finally arrested: Ahmaud Arbery was killed when he was confronted by an armed father and son. He was out for a jog. According to those two men, they thought he was a burglary suspect. Arbery was murdered. Now, more than two months later, after a cell phone video of the killing was circulated and a massive uproar ensued, the two men, Gregory and Travis McMichael, have been arrested. A judge denied them bond on Friday. There was "sufficient probable cause" in their arrest.

A burglary suspect? The McMichaels told police that they believed Arbery was a suspect in multiple break-ins the month prior. The McMichaels wanted to make a citizen's arrest. However, according to a report by CNN, there was only one automobile burglary the month before, and it was from an unlocked car.

Friday is Ahmaud Arbery's birthday: People nationwide are going on 2.23-mile runs. He was murdered on February 23.

The Food and Drug Administration just approved: The first at-home COVID-19 test. It's a saliva collection kit. The FDA said these tests should be limited to people who are exhibiting symptoms.

Social distance or face the robot cops: These guys are doing social distance patrols in Singapore.

Love Slog AM/PM?

Bad news: Summer warm weather probably won't impact the virus.

Want to see what getting a COVID-19 test is like? King County Councilmember Girmay Zahilay filmed the process.

The ad was for... Ms. Monopoloy? Because nothing says feminism like making Monopoly, a capitalism board game no one likes (fight me on this), girly.