Comments

1

Firdt?

2

BITCH should definitely keep talking, bantering, and masturbating, but telling him opens the possibility that things go further... sexting and whatever sex-Zooming is called, and I wonder if she knows him well enough to risk those escaping into the wild.

3

@2 has a point, one might use caution with images, otherwise what is she asking?
"very intimate way." "trade banter on every subject from preferred porn genres to movies." "our sexual preferences sync up perfectly"
What more can she do than she is already doing? though if she was thinking about declaring undying love she might want to hold off for a bit, but I don't see a big problem with; Crush: informal, "a brief but intense infatuation"
I think "Oxford languages" is being somewhat circular with their definitions, "infatuation: an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something." "brief: of short duration"

4

I wouldn't be so crass as to assume she's masturbating over him.

6

I know raindrop is supposedly a dude, but when I read his/their comments, I just see Phyllis Schlafly. Well, no, my brain sees Dame Edna Everage, but it's supposed to be Schlafly.

7

Good advice Dan! I would balance it out with ALSO focusing on other friendships, hobbies, etc. Obsessing over someone right now is very understandable. But I think balance is still important... even in these times.

Maybe I'm projecting, but I know when I'm obsessing hard, it's very overwhelming and I am reading into every tiny interaction with that person. When I take time to feel connected to ME -- the person who will always be there for me -- by doing some of my favorite things -- I feel just a little less needy with everyone around me. (I'm still hella needy, don't get me wrong, but it helps! ;))

8

raindrop @4: "it's been difficult to fantasize about anything other than him." Unless, of course, she's fantasizing about kisses and flowers from him, while masturbating over nazis doing one another.

9

A friend you recently met online who lives far away happens to have sexual preferences that sync up perfectly with yours? You don't say...

This does not sound real. Of the options you listed, I vote for chill.

10

Iā€™m with Dan, do it! Lay down the parameters and be clear re expectations or not. Allow the other side to communicate their preferences and concerns and proceed accordingly.
I strongly suspect of a standing ovation coming your way.

Iā€™m also with original @ 6.

11

too true @6, too true

12

@6 Speaks the truth!

13

Raindrop @4: LOOOOOL! Thanks for the laugh. I can't believe anyone who thinks masturbating is crass is reading this column. Wow! News flash: In case you hadn't heard, women masturbate. Many of us do it while fantasising about people we'd like to have sex with, and this guy is in that category. And I'm sure he would take it as nothing but a compliment if she confessed that when she thinks about him, she touches herself.

Kindness @7, good point. Ankyl @9 is correct, this guy may or may not be what he seems. Enjoy the flirtation and the connection but be aware it may be an online crush only. He may be catfishing you, he may be "cheating" on a partner, he may not even be a he. But he might be, so BITCH should enjoy this for all it's worth, given how few other options there are at the moment.

14

Ankyl @9, I will say I'm sorry your experiences in life have led you to believe this could not possibly be true. I've met a number of people online with similar kinks and preferences. Perhaps yours are just too niche.

15

BISH RUB ONE OUT FOR ALL OF US! HAPPY TRAILS AND SMOOTH-ASS SAILING!

16

PSA: Please do not Ben-Gay your tits.

17

Go for it, BITCH, Heā€™s giving you the clues heā€™s into you, and being a gentleman by waiting for you to take the next step. Which would be sexting, Iā€™d suggest. See if the words mesh, then look to going more visual with each other when it feels comfortable.
Lucky you finding the perfect in isolation Internet fling, itā€™s good for you to feel happy, so continue with this happy making medicine.

18

Keep your antenna going for any fakery, BITCH. Face time if you havenā€™t seen him yet, donā€™t give him your home address and youā€™re good to go. Trust your intuition and enjoy.

19

@13: No, I didn't say masturbating was crass. I meant that it rather presumptuous to assume that she was engaging in that private activity when she didn't explicitly say so. It was a projection that Dan didn't need to make.

20

Raindrop @19, still laughing. BITCH said, "it's been difficult to fantasize about anything other than him." You really think she's having sexual fantasies and... um... just being frustrated? Really? It's not presumptuous, nor crass, to "project" that a human being with sexual desires masturbates, any more than it's presumptuous or crass to "project" that a human being with an appetite eats food. Your reacting as if this is some sort of insult is hilarious.

21

BITCH, since
"you can never know if you're really into someone until you've met them and tasted their spit"

you might want to not totally forget about that truth, because if you do it might be harder on you emotionally if your thing doesn't transfer from the Matrix to the real world.

@13 BiDanFan
"Ankyl @9 is correct, this guy may or may not be what he seems."

Yes, that was indeed a valuable point.

(I have not enjoyed today typing "CUNT" and "BITCH" to address women letter writers.)

22

BiDan@20~ Re: masturbation... My brother was a parole officer and this was one of my favorite stories about his ā€œclientsā€. For months the police had been baffled by a series of semi tractor thefts. They would find them parked up against loading docks or buildings empty of gas with the wheels dug into the ground. Everyone was baffled by what could possibly be going on. When they finally caught the guy, it turns out he was a seminary student who couldnā€™t bring himself to touch himself and masturbate because it would be a sin. But what he could mentally justify is to steal the semiā€˜s, park them against the building in gear and let them run until the vibrations caused a happy ending.

23

DK- that's a pretty hefty vibrator. Are you implying that raindrop is in the trucking business or is it rather presumptuous to assume?

24

@22/DonnyKlicious: Apparently, that seminarian had a very flexible understanding of Thou Shalt not Steal. He might have been better off with a more liberal attitude about adultery.

25

@14 BiDanFan: That's kind of you, thank you, although unncessary. I believe it's possible it could be true. I also believe it's more likely that something else is going on, which could be as simple as being very lonely and sad and getting way too invested in some online chats way too soon, and she needs to chill.

How did they "meet" and how recently? What sort of chatting are they doing, is it all text and IM or are they talking on the phone and via video too? She already considers him a friend with a great connection and perfect vibe, and praises banter on every subject from movies to porn genres (another kind movie), and talks about enjoying his "company". Pump the brakes, dude.

26

BiDan@20~ Re: masturbation... My brother was a parole officer and this was one of my favorite stories about his ā€œclientsā€. For months the police had been baffled by a series of semi tractor thefts. They would find them parked up against loading docks or buildings empty of gas with the wheels dug into the ground. Everyone was baffled by what could possibly be going on. When they finally caught the guy, it turns out he was a seminary student who couldnā€™t bring himself to touch himself and masturbate because it would be a sin. But what he could mentally justify is to steal the semiā€˜s, park them against the building in gear and let them run until the vibrations caused a happy ending.

27

Oops sorry for the double post

28

"whatever sex-Zooming is called"

It's called "camming," unless the kids have invented a new term recently.

29

@28 John
According to a quick google, it's called camming when done professionally.

30

Donny @22/CMD @23: ROFL!

Ankyl @25, she's not asking if she should quit her job, end her lease and move halfway around the world to be with him. If she were, "chill" would be the appropriate advice. She is asking whether she should share her feelings, which seems a reasonable enough risk in the circumstances. Keep it in second gear, lady.

John @28, yes, "camming" is sex work done on camera. It is not video-sexting.

31

Seems we need a word. Vexting?

32

I like "vexting" but it's only got the V to evoke Video. And I hate to create what I just learned is called a "proprietary eponym", but that aside it would be clear what it means if one said

Zoomsex

33

Mr Curious - Good for you, even if they chose the signoffs themselves.

34

@6 -- God I miss Dame Edna. Why have none of the various Drag Queens gone the comedy route, seems like it could be a thing.

I'm a huge advocate of living while the living is good. I don't see any downsides in this scenario. "Oh, no, pics of you may turn up online." There are ENDLESS selfies of people in all forms of undress and engaged in all variety of sex acts all over the interweb. Unless you're a public figure, no one gives a rat's ass, and any pics will never be traced back to you personally. (Full disclosure, my Tumblr account is full of pics apparently straight guys have sent someone that have now gone viral. Thanks for those, especially the ones with dicks.)

Live it up! When this is over, go see him! Get a hotel close by his place, have dinner and drinks and see if it goes where you want. If not, hey, plane fare is cheap compared to a life of regret.

35

Anky @25, maybe they met thru a dating site? They chat, and find common ground. Yes, sheā€™s lonely at the moment because of the Virus, her feelings and responses are still real and sexting is fun. Having fun while isolated is good for one.
As long as sheā€™s careful, same rules as always. Donā€™t show her face in any videos, donā€™t give him her address or clues to any identifying parts of her life.


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