Fake it 'til you make it l-dub!

Great advice from Dan re the maintenance spankings and domestic service being ongoing foreplay. They are equivalent to kisses or back massages or sending flowers in vanilla world. Can you enjoy kissing and cuddling if it doesn't lead to sex? Then wrap your mind around a spanking being the same thing, from a sub's perspective.

I think Dan touched on it few times in his response but maybe didn’t get to the core of it. For your husband spanking probably goes beyond sex. It is part of the new dynamic as well as a tool for you to cue him in on how you want things done. The plates aren’t washed properly? That calls for spanking in the kitchen, while the kids are away, and a take two. His erection or not should not be an issue here. Same goes for sloppy lawn mowing or neglecting to place the recycling bin by the curb side.

This will also lead to different dynamic in the bedroom where you get to call the shots. Prior to coming one way or the other he has to give you two orgasms, and so on.
If you don’t want spanking and flogging to be part of the bedroom play that’s fine too. Tell him where you are on this and see what works.
Put yourself first shamelessly, it is likely to be a major turn on in itself and I suspect you’ll be pleasantly surprised as how well he adjusts.

@5. Bi. Yes, completely. Excellent analogy with back rubs or sending flowers. The maintenance spankings are part of the scene; they're stretching the boundaries of the scene, time-wise--making it more of a lifestyle.

@6. CMD. Yes about the LW putting herself first shamelessly. I thought Dan bang on the money i.e. that he did get to the heart of it. I had a very similar thought to you in her husband's receiving maintenance-spanked perhaps not seeming like sex to her because he didn't have an erection (or other signs of physical or mental arousal). That doesn't matter. It is sex, it is a scene, it is foreplay or quasi-sex. (As with much to do with pegging or anal, in my experience; the prostate and genitals can be only imperfectly connected, and the sub be extraordinarily interested and engaged without giving off many of the acknowledged signs of sexual excitement).

I can get "behind" that. Very punny, LW. :-)

Clearly this is a reflection on me and not on the LW, who sounds lovely, but sometimes I'm baffled at these "I have the best problem ever HELP ME" letters. Fuck, I need a cold shower after reading this, dreaming wistfully of maybe someday having this problem. Life is such a rich tapestry.

TFYH, you should start to think in terms of rules and rituals. Your submissive husband desires you to be the dominant partner in your relationship, and that is not merely a reversal of traditional gender roles. He wants to cede some amount of his autonomy over to you, and have you control and direct him.

Start by setting expectations and providing him direction about how you want him to behave and what you tasks you want him to perform. Monitor his performance and make clear when he has not achieved a standard you set, and you believe was achievable. His failures are certainly a time in which you can punish him through spankings and floggings.

You should also think about patterns of behavior or ways of interacting that reinforce your superior status in this relationship. There is an ebb and flow in D/s relationships. You may find that weekdays are a challenging time to maintain a meaningful level of D/s. Accordingly, you may start off your weekend with certain rituals to reengage as Dominant and submissive. This weekly ceremony can incorporate spankings or floggings which take place for no reason other than to maintain that D/s connection. We could further envision other D/s activities that take place during this ritual. For instance, he eats your pussy and only you get to orgasm, or you cage his cock for the weekend.

Just remember that along with the spankings and floggings, you are also going to provide positive reinforcement. So for those jobs well-done, he will want to hear, "Good boy," now and again.

Strongly seconding SA @ 10.
Also, look around for other like minded couples as well as online sites and literature to get different angles and ideas re Female Led Relationships.

One such site is http://www.brassiered.com which tackles the issue with cross dressing the man, whether voluntarily or not. Apart for instructional lit it also offers different collections of stories which can be fun to read as well as getting ideas.

The one book for you to start with is likely to be "He's the maid." While it does emphasizes the importance of proper uniform as part of the established hierarchy and dynamics, which may or may or may not be your thing, it also discusses the many other aspects of such relationships within the context of a marrried/LTR couple.
http://www.brassiered.com/hesthemaid/index.html

I find the site and the few books I got to be helpful, entertaining, and well written.

CMDwannabe @6 and SublimeAfterglow @10 both suggest using spankings & impact play as punishment for failure ("The plates aren’t washed properly? That calls for spanking" / "His failures are certainly a time in which you can punish him through spankings and floggings.")

Some people do have that sort of punishment dynamic, but many people find it counterproductive. If your partner enjoys impact play, then providing impact play after receiving bad service means you're rewarding the bad service and are likely to get more of the same.

Another approach is to talk about "funishment," which can be the consequence for pretend failure -- like when the dishes are all done perfectly except one is deliberately left out as a flirtation, or when your partner sasses you playfully.

Just keep in mind that maintenance spankings are NOT about punishment.

The LW's husband had the self-awareness to explain that he thinks he would be happier with regular sessions of impact play. There's no need to turn that into either funishment or punishment. Think of it as his love language, and you're indulging him when you have the energy. Many subs like a weekly session, but if that feels too exhausting to you, monthly is fine too -- it's about giving him something fun to look forward to.

Also -- you don't have to decide the number of strokes at the beginning. Give him a warm up (light or medium-intensity hits) and then move on to the level that makes him moan in appreciation. If he doesn't make happy noises, think about whether you'd enjoy the sessions a lot more that way, and then let him know you don't want him to be stoic.

When you're feeling done, ask him how many more he would like, or tell him to pick a number between 20 and 100, or just tell him he's getting 20 more strokes and then you're done. It can be emotionally difficult to find out suddenly that the scene is over when you were really getting into it.

The ever resourcecful EP @ 12
Thanks for detailing the different nuances and the great suggestions to follow with.

TFYH says "The spanking itself doesn't turn me on, but watching him enjoy it, and knowing that I am giving him that pleasure turns me on."

This gives me pause. She's been spanking hubby "for awhile" and her brain hasn't eroticized it. She's being GGG, and he's asking for more. I've seen this go to hell in a hand basket.

She has to be damned sure there's something in it for her, other than giving him pleasure and getting the housework done.

Spotless house and neatly folded laundry? Assumes facts not in evidence.

The operative words are [In the last week or so]. Give them time to settle in and find what they both like. Ms Erica seems just about spot on.

The wife does not sound very enthusiastic in the first place about this whole D/s dynamic in her marriage, let alone as a permanent 24/7 fixture, which is what the husband seems to be aiming at, in a 'topping from the bottom' kind of way.

EricaP @12: I love the term funishment!

Also, personally, the idea of a pre-set number of smacks does not appeal to me. Counting would ruin the fun. Their mileage may vary.

Mr Registered - Agreed that her appreciation seems to be entirely logistical.

"When the kids are asleep?" Unless you have a soundproofed room, I'd go with ~when the kids are out of the house~. Spanking is LOUD, assuming we're talking about a bare-bottom hand spanking. Like, a lot louder than you might think. I set up a little qualitative test once, when my GF was being spanked by our buddy in the shed at the end of our garden. I walked through the garden, the house, and out the front gate, and could still hear it very clearly halfway down the street. Granted, I live in the UK, where gardens and houses and streets are on the smaller size - but still.

If you don't have a house to yourself, you may want to try butt-punching instead, as the sound is more muffled. Or caning - but you'll probably need a gag for him :)

Margarita @20, very good point. Otherwise they may end up unwittingly raising someone like Elmsyrup's former roommate.