Spanking Spouses, Creepy Creepers, Lousy Lovers — Reader Advice Roundup!

Comments

1

Firdt!

2

I needed that, as I live in Minneapolis and things here are crazy beyond belief.

3

Dressed like that the scooter person is putting themselves in a vulnerable position (perhaps fatal in some places), so I wouldn't imagine them being too threatening (says a large male, though not so large that being followed around at night by a dude in a beat up car wasn't threatening, lest anyone think I have no idea of creepy). I wonder if the whole thing is just a staged prank?
A larger issue is why anyone would think they needed to be "polite" and say yes to a stranger when they didn't want to. I get the man/woman thing, but even the people who think pussy grabbing is otherwise fine, would be more that happy to beat the crap out of scooter person given half an excuse (such as the woman saying "go away" somewhat loudly, let alone screaming) those who think pussy grabbing is bad might not do so much beating, but still probably would not ignore what looks a lot like a guy harassing someone who looks like a woman. In the case of the video there was at least one witness and it was in broad daylight.

There is the not respecting social distancing thing, but I'd think that would make saying NO easier. Maybe, some who would do that may seem pretty dangerous, but they are not wearing bikinis and pink thighhighs
I'm hoping for prank. "In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes"

4

Added to the "man/woman" thing is the "I don't want to be shaming someone who appears to be some kind of sexual minority" thing. That was definitely part of what happened with the caller, don't know about this woman in the photo.

5

Donny @2, my sympathies! Just when you think the timeline couldn't get more fucked up.

Crazy @3, I'll pretend we're not in a pandemic here. If we are, Mx Pink needs to stop doing what they are doing. As for why someone might say yes if they didn't really want to do it, we have evidence that one person said yes; we don't know how many women Mx Pink had to ask before they got a yes. Maybe Julia needed the twenty bucks. Maybe she felt safe because the person who was taking the video was there as backup. Maybe she's just adventurous and thought it would amuse people, which clearly it has. And Agony @4 may be spot on in guessing that some woke people might feel they are being transphobic if they say no. The answer to "why is Mx Pink asking strangers to do this" would seem to be the same as the answer to "why do men send unsolicited dick pics." Because though the odds may be very low, there is a chance someone will be agreeable.

I will say that pandemic or no pandemic, Mx Pink should stop doing this for two reasons. One, they are sexualising innocent bystanders. Julia is not a sex worker, she has given no indication to the public at large that she would be interested in doing this for money. Mx Pink should seek actual sex workers or go to a fetish club where such activities are welcome. Two, they are non-consensually involving bystanders in their kink, which is not OK. Surely Mx Pink knows about pro dommes, fetish clubs and Fetlife. My guess is that part of the thrill for them is involving people who feel a bit awkward about this. Or they also get off on the humiliation when women say no.

6

Note that @barstoolsports has misgendered the trans woman on a pink scooter. That said, she's involving strangers in her kink, and some may be bewildered.

I don't see much difference between this and a raincoat-wearing flasher, except that a woman is probably less threatening.

7

Fubar @6, we don't know how the foot licker identifies. They may be a man who is cross dressed as part of a humiliation kink. Agree though, if someone is presenting in such a manner "man" is not the first word that should leap to an observer's mind. And agree that this is not an appropriate avenue for their kinks.

8

The foot licker is a total creep. But a fun, mostly harmless one. Creep on foot licker! Give us something a little fun and weird without worrying about who is offended. It's a nice break from the world of scolds we live in.

9

"Sky Daddy" is a regular part of the vocabulary of YouTuber atheist/pansexual Jimmy Snow.

10

Hugs to you Donny@2: yes. And a few other places too in the US.

11

Sky Daddy, but you’re a downer dropout@8.

12

So, my "staged prank" hypothesis didn't get much traction.
But I hadn't listened to the phone call, I only saw the video which was NOT in a secluded alley and no chastity belt was visible. After listening to the call, yea, that person is a creep and does not seem as harmless as I initially thought.

13

How interesting Agony's response to the spanking was. I'm not into BDSM (at least not the b, the s or the m) but I find spanking really playful. Even in my earliest sexual encounters a bit of spanking was incorporated as just a fun, rolling around and giggling kind of thing. Very similar vibe as biting someone on the bottom and growling.

14

Crazy @12, I've now listened to the lovecast too and I'm glad Dan agreed with my take. Dan is also bang on that regardless of the gender identity of Mx Pink, this is typical male entitled behaviour and it is not okay no matter who is doing it.

15

@ 13 I would have thought that having an aversion to hitting people was pretty common, but I think I might be in a minority, here in the SLOG comments, at least.

16

@15 Some light/playful spanking might be doable, but "domming" would be downright impossible for me.

17

I like the maintenance spanking letter, they sound fluid and loving with each other. I could get into it, for sure, given it’s consensual. I’d have my small whip handy, and every couple of days, when children not around, and he busy with some domestic chore.. bless his sweet heart.. I’d go round the rooms, looking for dust, badly ironed sheets and pillowcases etc.
Having found multiple instances of sloppy housekeeping, well, a few cracks of the whip to the ground to show my displeasure. Dust! spanking might make him do a better job next time.

18

I don't see spanking and hitting as the same thing. I'd find it reasonable to fulfil a request to be spanked, once in a while anyway, but if someone asked to be punched in the face or kicked in the balls I would find that much more difficult to get my head around. Verbal humiliation is a tough one for me, and RationalHuman's "easy ask" item of light role play is something I would find much more challenging than even medium grade BDSM, as it seems to involve acting skills and maintaining a character. Perhaps I am misunderstanding what he means by "light role play" though.

19

Yes, it would demand some role play, Fan. One doesn’t usually go round smacking those doing the housework.
Hope she wears a Mistress Dust get up, when she does her inspections.

20

Lava @19, this is exactly what I mean by different understandings of the term "role play." If someone asked me if I were into role play, my interpretation of that would be things like teacher/student, doctor/patient, cop/delinquent. (Aside, I wonder if in the near future having a cop kink will be considered as problematic as having a Nazi kink, or whether it already is?) I would envision costumes and a script. I would not associate it with the "roles" of Dom and sub. If so, everything BDSM would also be "role play" which doesn't seem logical to me. (Before you have a go at me, I am simply stating what my understanding is of that term, I'm not saying my understanding is definitive. In fact I am questioning how others understand the term in hopes of improving my own understanding.)

21

BDF @20: I personally don't think of "role play" as just dressing up, and I think of Dom/sub as roles much like husband/wife are roles. You can play with those roles, but the play isn't the role.

The venn diagram encompassing various aspects of sex would be complex. Hitting and "role play" might intersect for someone GGG but not into hitting, but certainly wouldn't for the average sadist... well, unless they're coincidentally role playing teacher/student, etc.

(I don't know about "problematic", but I have no doubt that cop on black is sitting on the kink launchpad of many young psyches these days.)

22

Ms Fan - Cop on Top (Seussian?) may well be.

I'll add a question along a similar line about how Maintenance Spanker calls her husband a great co-parent. That's not a term I'm used to seeing in DS contexts when a couple isn't separated or divorced, but I've heard it occasionally used for half an SS couple whose partner is the child's biological parent.

23

"DS"

Goddammit I'm so bloody sick of reading that acroymn what the fuck does that mean?

24

Oh wait, I just guessed it means "different-sex". Why not type it out, at least fucking occasionally so I don't have to just get pissed off at it and give up.

(Why didn't I ask? Come to think of it I probably did, but I'm not about to dedicate a wing of my memory to someone's acronyms. Though if I guessed correctly, I think "different-sex" works. Unlike others like the one that goes something like FTWL and I refuse to remember both because when I'm reminded of what it means I don't like it, and because our language already has a meaning for FTWL (which, admittedly, I /also/ don't like much).

25

Curious @24: I was about to complain that the obverse of Same Sex (SS) is Opposite Sex (OS), but I'm guessing that term has been obsoleted as binary. Different Sex (DS) it is, then.

P.S. I always thought CYA was shorthand for "See Ya", but apparently that TLA has evolved too.

26

@25 fubar
"Opposite Sex (OS), but I'm guessing that term has been obsoleted as binary. Different Sex (DS) it is, then."

I agree, that what I meant by "it works"@24.

Good term, and as soon as people know what it means (maybe I'll remember next time myself thanks to this), it'll be a fine to always abbreviate it.

27

Perhaps it's worth noting that in a phone call yesterday with  with the governors, Trump appeared to declare a military takeover of the United States, inasmuch as he announced that the "the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs [of Staff of the US military]" is now "in charge" [presumably of all the states].  

Under 1878's https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posse_Comitatus_Act POTUS needs a state governor's permission to deploy the US military against Americans citizens domestically, but there's a https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Insurrection_Act_of_1807 for use when a state itself rebels against the country.  

Last I heard the White House won't say whether the later act has been invoked (as they'd said they want to), but doing so would be illegal since the requirements for invoking it have not in any way been met.  

So far Trump has 'only' rolled active duty US military forces into the US capitol (since Washington DC has no governor to object).  He cowered in the White House underground bunker afraid for his safety, shaken by the size and venom of the crowds, and the church they burned down across the street from him.

28

Curious @24, what does the non-Venn FTWL stand for? Google is suggesting a Polish motorsports company and a British music development project called From Teesside With Love, neither of which I suspect is the meaning you know.

29

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=FTWL
"Fuck The What Larry"

I dislike it a lot!

30

The Venn FTWL is short for "For those who like that sort of thing, that's the sort of thing they like." I put it in the same category with "YKIOKIJNMK" -- hard to figure out from first principles, but not hard to get the gist of it from a vague memory.

31

@30 EricaP
Thank you very much for reminding us of that.

Now I'm remembering the ways in which I don't like it. First, it's got /so/ many more words than the letters in the acronym. But I'd probably remember it if it had a higher ratio of value to complexity. By which I mean you can boil off a lot of meaninglessness to get down to "People Like What They Like". And even then, that's too shallow statement to move me to commit someone's private acronym to memory.

In any case, you were right to counsel me to chill WRT venn earlier, and I promise to do my best to not blow up about it again soon.

I think much of what's got me spinning recently is the historic meltdown of the country I live in.

32

curious2 @31 "the historic meltdown of the country I live in."

I'm demoralized by the crappy leadership we've got, sure, and their incompetent response to the pandemic. But I like to think the protests are actually a sign of hope rather than a problem with our country.

33

@32 EricaP
I agree a billion percent. The problem with our country I had in mind isn't with those rising up in protest, it's with the governing of the country (for example, the random Comment I blurted out @27 that POTUS "appeared to declare a military takeover of the United States", which forces me to wonder whether democracy or authoritarian dictatorship is in our future.

That said, that whole structural US federal context of the protests is so epic, and everything is so supercharged by the scale of the mostly needless and apocalyptic devastation of the pandemic, that I'm hopeful that it can be sufficient leverage to actually achieve the aim of the protests this time.

Perhaps our best hope for the best outcome now is to hit bottom and bounce.

34

Mr Curious - You have perhaps forgotten when Mr Hunter asked what the difference between OS and DS was, and I replied succinctly, "Roll a die." DG would probably be slightly more technically accurate, but couples seem so generally referred to by sex that it seemed passable. It is both inclusive and a gentle remind that hetero isn't the natural outlier.

FTWL has particular use in implying a moderated dislike or disapproval that does not reach the level of LMB. It lets me keep LMB for serious occasions. This is one where a film version may score over the novel - Miss Brodie at the beginning of the film welcomes two new students to her class, Emily Carstairs and Mary MacGregor. Mary goes on to become part of the Brodie Set (she was used better in the novel, as "a great lump whom everybody could blame"). At first, Miss Brodie is more interested in the brighter-looking Emily - until Miss B asks what her interests are. Alas, Emily is a Girl Guide (thus, as Sandy will later phrase it in both novel and film, a member of a rival fascisti). She is reeling off the details of her six merit badges when Miss B stops her with the quotation in question. This makes it quite clear what Miss B thinks of the Girl Guides. FTWL also appears in the book, but to not quite such crisp effect.

Think of something cultural with which you don't think there's anything actually wrong, but you wouldn't want anyone you were dating to like. Then think of something you hold actually to be harmful. That's approximately the FTWL/LMB line.

And by all means devise abbreviation-worthy phrases of your own. You have a distinct voice.

35

@34 venn
Hi venn!

"Mr Curious"

I recall you saying your use of formal address is to respect people, but would you please consider not using any kind of gender prefix for me? It's just that my preference, which I'm asking you to respect, would be to not be identified WRT to what team(s) I am or am not on. And I don't mean Mxxx or M???, just a friendly, informal "curious" would please me best.

(Oh, and I'm not saying I don't use he/him/his pronouns, it's just the formal gendering in informal communication I'm not thrilled about.)

/Break/
The reason I prefer your DS is that it is non-binary; I think that makes it a great improvement over OS.

"You have perhaps forgotten"

Yes, but I think it may stick this time (because I prefer it, despite my aversion to remembering people's personal acronyms).

"FTWL has particular use in implying a moderated dislike or disapproval that does not reach the level of LMB. It lets me keep LMB for serious occasions."

First, let me applaud your wit for involving another acronym (LMB) I don't (and don't want to) know or remember to explain another. (And your good timing: while some days I might not be amused by that, today it was a welcome distraction from a military takeover by my newly realized authoritarian dictator thug.)

I can see how, with a certain tone of voice, FTWL would express that (instead of only what the otherwise equivalent much shorter version I pointed out does). And certainly despite myself I might end up remembering it if I inadvisedly go on about it too much. But if I don't want to be remembering someone's personal acronym (not to mention a 4-letter one that stands for a 15-letter one), you will understand that I don't want to be remembering too the tone with which it's words would be spoken.