We got this.

Hey, remember Joe Biden? Whatever happened to that guy, is he still running for … what was it, President or something? The Biden campaign isn’t exactly an attention-grabber these days — depending on which media bubble you live in, you might not even have heard his name in weeks. And it’s not like you need any more convincing about whether you’re voting for him or the other guy, right?

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Nevertheless, Biden’s polling looks pretty good for now, and if the Democrats can manage to keep from totally screwing up this election, we could actually have, for the first time, a plan for dealing with coronavirus in January of 2021.

So, what’s Joe got up his sleeve to save us from the death cult currently in charge? Let’s compare his plan with Donald’s.

This is the part of the blog post where I would normally write a few details about Donald Trump’s plan for protecting the country from a pandemic, but he doesn’t really have one, so instead here is an emoji of a person longing for the sweet release of death: ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ

The best the Republicans have right now is a plan for “opening up America again,” which is to say, making it as easy as possible to walk directly into a plague ward with your mouth wide open and a sign on your chest saying “cough here ↑.” Donald’s campaign site has no mention of a plan, just a few blog posts about how he’s done a great job of handling the crisis. (138,268 Americans are dead.)

Naturally, the administration’s focus is on re-opening rather than protecting people — right now they’re pushing hard to force schools to reopen, which will create a viral melting pot of unimaginable potency. Rather than issuing any guidance, the administration is basically telling states that they need to go back to business as usual and that it’s up to them to decide how that's even possible.

“Figure it out,” Betsy DeVos said this weekend.

Great, thanks!

In contrast, Joe Biden has a detailed, step-by-step plan to deal with the crisis. Like all political plans, some of it is a bunch of useless political blah blah blah, like “stop the political theater and willful misinformation that has heightened confusion and discrimination.” (Okay, great, but what are you actually going to DO.)

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But most of the plan consists of sound steps that really would have been nice to have in place a few months ago: restoring the biodefense security council that Donald disbanded; establishing free testing facilities in every community; create programs to provide long-distance medical care to communities in need; create a program to get protective gear not just to hospitals but to businesses too; eliminate barriers to providing care to immigrants; provide emergency paid sick leave; create an emergency fund to help with mortgage and rent payments; and lots more.

Biden’s plan calls for a massive amount of spending to protect as many lives as possible, along with a colossal government response to disseminate accurate information. The goal is to make sure every imaginable group in the country — individuals, local leaders, businesses, teachers, health care workers — can trust that there’s a system in place to protect their lives and their jobs and their homes and everything else. It’s a good plan.

So, okay, we’ve got one party that’s like “drop dead” and another that’s like “oh hey here’s how to get through this.” And yeah, I know, Biden’s not your favorite candidate, his policies don’t go far enough, he’s not as exciting as [insert just about anyone else here], and oh yeah he’s been accused of sexual assault. Look, it sucks. It just all sucks. But boy oh boy, if Donald wins in November, it’s going to suck in ways we haven’t even begun to imagine.

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